West Point Distractions

Nobody's Opinion: "If we do not wish to fight, even though the battle lines are drawn, we can prevent the enemy from engaging us. All we need to do is to throw something odd and unaccountable in his way to distract him.

--The Art of War, Sun Tzu

Last week, when "President Obama" was speaking at the graduations ceremony at West Point, this conversation was overheard from two cadets sitting in the second row:

CADET No. 32: You have GOT to be kidding me...look at that! Hey...wake up...Look...Obama is mouthing the words to The Star Spangled Banner!!! This has got to be a first! Go on...say it baby..."AND THE ROCKETS RED GLARE...THE BOMBS BURSTING IN AIR..." Wait...hey did he say it? (Kicks Cadet No. 33 in leg.)

CADET No. 33. HEY, stop it you nerd. No, you're dreaming, he isn't singing.

CADET No. 32: NO, I swear...look, he even has his hand over his heart...

SILENCE:.....

CADET No. 32: What is he saying? We have to follow the Constitution? Since when has he EVER done that? And did he just say...he believes in the Rule of Law? Who wrote this? Glenn Beck? Oh my god, he is talking about our founders! He HATES our founders...are you SURE that's Obama? Oh, I read about this in Sun Tzu...confuse your enemy...I think he's scared of us...yes...I don't blame him...he should be...

CADET No. 33: Will you shut up.

CADET No. 32--- Hey, I saw Cathy...did you see her? Sweeeettt...I'm going to..Hey...did he just say we have to go uplift all the countries from poverty? What? We are the "anchor of global security?" What does THAT mean? I don't care what he says...I'm not going to Haiti and hand out global condoms.

CADET No. 33--- No, he talking about Muslims again. He wants us to go kill them, but only certain ones.

CADET No 32--- Well, how do we tell them apart?

CADET No. 33---You can't moron.

CADET No: 32----What did he just say? We must help Africans feed themselves? The ones over here don't look like they need any more food...what are we suppose to do? Show them how to plant seeds? What are we...farmers now?

CADET No 33: Steps on his toe...shhhhh.

CADET No. 32: What?

CADET No. 33: Protect the world...go get killed, I am your Commander in Chief...I forgive you...

CADET No. 32: Ha! I knew that brain injury would heal. Hey...now he's lecturing our parents...Oh my dad is going to love this...'we must have money to go to war'...duh...Now that's he's spend it all, where is all this money going to come from? Is he going to invade Switzerland?

CADET No. 33: Shut up.. old man Piper is looking at us..

CADET No. 32: Wake me when it's over. I can't believe that I had to listen to Obama sound like Glenn Beck on my last day at this hole. Commander in Chief my ass ...shouldn't he go over and lead us into battle?

CADET No. 33: You dream..my man. No one would lead your ass anywhere.

CADET No. 32. Hey, I heard that you were going to get engaged tonight? Don't do it man, don't do it.

CADET. No, 33: Nope, I think I'm going to get drunk, then I'm going to get engaged, then I'm going to Afghanistan, and THEN I'm going to feel a whole lot better, because If I can sit through this bull, I can live through anything.

(Nobody Makes this stuff up.)