Nobody's Absurdities, No. 56--Nobody Thinks in ADD

Nobody's Opinion; Last week, my brain was mottled in a motley mess of what many would call—ADD (Attention Deficit Disorder) misrule. When I tried to focus on one news story, I would turn the page, or just sit down, and there would be another observation in my mounting collection of ADD absurdities. In fact, they were coming so fast I felt like I was in a hailstorm of mortifying prophesies of the most monumental misfeasances.

Okay, I’ll get off the m’s.

So, here in much the same order that my ADD ears heard them are some absurdities that even you, dear reader, might not have thought about.

After you read them, you might agree like me that actually, maybe most of the world should be on drugs after all.

And speaking of drugs, Arnold Schwarzenegger has declared that marijuana is not a drug because he used to smoke it and he should know.

Unfortunately, he did not say what it is. Therefore, the patents are pending.

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It’s one thing to have to press one or two for English, but when I went to my local Home Depot the other day, I was shocked to see that all the great, big aisle signs are now in English AND Spanish, so that the Spanish people would not get lost in the plumbing aisle. Never mind that this store is surrounded by a city population of seventy-percent black people, half of whom do not speak proper English, let alone Spanish. So, where’s the bus?

In the meantime, a governor of New York has decided that illegal aliens should have the right to a driver’s license. The governor evidently wants to give them the opportunity to drive legally to Boston next year and root for the Red Sox, where they can feel right at home, turning over cars.
(By the way, congradulations Red Sox Fans!)


Well, not much was said when George W. Bush decided to let all the truck drivers in from Mexico.

I say, who cares if they have a drivers license? If our government doesn’t care if they are here at all…and the cops are not allowed to ask them if they are citizens, what’s the point?

Today it’s some kind of “celebrate” death day for the Spanish, so all us Americans at home had to listen to our local morning shows trying to say cute little things in Spanish and praise the “culture” of Mexicans celebrating dead love ones.

Okay---lets all bake a cake, pig out, and watch that societal propaganda film known as Happy Feet, where the Black penguins get along with the Spanish penguins, and go to the White Scientists and convince them to save all penguins from starving by not fishing in any oceans.

And they do this by tap dancing.

All you have to do is tap dance, get along…and the government will feed you home-grown fish from China. Sounds easy.

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Halloween is coming, and once again this year we have the “slasher” films all over the cable. The holiday was coming along fine, until there was a big promotion for the news on the History channel that a “lost book of Nostradamus” has been found! Oh my---and it says we’re all going to die!

Nostradamus also predicated that the New Madrid Fault is going to have an earthquake! At this very moment they are planting strategic TNT at the right points in the fault to help Nostradamus and the history channel out.

Anything for the truth. Let’s face it, the History channel is on a mission.

Who would have thought, after all these years, that old Nostradamus found out that he finally could just draw pictures to foretell the future, instead of writing all his usual nebulous quatrains? Took him long enough to figure that out.

The history channel, reported this as “fact.”

Has anyone else noticed but me, that it seems we are being bombarded with maybe just a few too many “Superstitions” programs…almost like some Hollywood producers want to take us all back to the dark ages with Ipods? They want our kids to look like warmed over ghouls who think of typing casting spells, instead of learning math?

And why in the world did J.K. Rowlings have to announce that Dumbledore was gay? Shouldn’t she have left that up to the fellow himself? What about all those office visits Harry Potter had alone with Dumbledore? Will that be her next book?

The Scandals at Hogwarts! Harry and Dumbledore confess!

On the TV sitcom “Supernatural” last week, an evil (very sexy blond) Demon Witch was standing inside a pentagram waiting to be sent to hell, and then out of the clear blue sky she shouted that “Dick Cheney” was going to be go to hell with her! If she hadn’t have been so serious about it, it might even have been funny.



In fact, I think Dick's wife better go along.

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And while some woman was doing a well rehearsed advertisment for the Clintons on Sunday while talking to Tim Russert about the magical and mystical quality the Clintons have, how they really are one …there was reported a “just in time” for Halloween moment from Bill Clinton. Some student stood up in a lecture he was giving and said basically that 9/11 was an inside job, whereas Bill Clinton stood up and said “How Dare You!”

This is pretty much an admission that Bill Clinton was one of the main causes of 9/11, because that answer was as good as an admission of guilt. In fact, maybe since Bin Laden and he both went to Oxford---they could have had one of Clintons famous coffee breaks chats.

Let’s check Nostradamus's new pictures.

Remember he gave another famous “how dare you” answer when someone accused him of having an affair with Monica Lewinsky?

How dare we ask? “I did not have sex…”

No, Bill is covering his butt for Hillary’s election, and any future attacks, which Nostradamus predicts will happen right before the election if it looks like Hillary is not going to win the Presidency.

Nostradamus says there will be no time for a recount. He sees a woman saving the world…Nostradamus also says that Vincente Fox, that ex-CEO of Coca Cola, has already got plans to be the President of the new North American Republic. The White House will be redone to reflex the new Spanish Culture, and the only place that English will be spoken in 2012, the date predicted for the world to end, is in Oxford.

Personally, I think Nostradamus may have suffered from ADD.

Someone needs to send him to his local grocery store, where he can now get free drugs.



So, when is Hillary going to promise free sex?