Nobody's Absurdities, No. 23

Nobody’s Opinion; Twenty-three, poor number, has to come after the star-studded twenty-two…note that Halliburton 3Q earrings were up 22 %, the Detroit Tigers’s last World Series was 22 years ago, (which, if I were them, I would use this knowledge by spitting into my glove 22 times before the game.) and there was a 22 year-old man in Australia recently that drove backwards for 310 miles at 40 mph.until he was stopped and fined.

Life is not fair, as John Kerry found out when he had to speak after Bill Clinton during the Democratic Party’s nomination convention.

Now, you will say…get off of it Joyanna! All I can say is, the next time you see the number 22, don’t say I didn’t warn you.

Now, on to some other absurdities.

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Is it me? Does anyone else remember a time when there were no such things as those wonderful gimmicks of political voter persuasions called “the polls?”

I believe their use as a political ploy in our national arena came into repeated redundancy during the Clinton administration, which is the best reason not to believe them.

It’s best to always consider their source. Notice they very seldom tell you (unless it’s Zogby) just who they polled or how the questions were put.

They could have asked a hundred people in a nudist beach in Florida who they thought was going to win the elections, the democrats or republicans, and something tells me all the people would shout at once…”BUBBA!”

CNN would then take that poll and report it as: “Recent polls show that the American people think President Bush should be Imbeached (misspelling on purpose) and the Democrats have a strong lead.”

According to Dick Morris, the whole Clinton Presidency was ruled by “polls.” Which is one of the reason Bill Clinton only went to Iowa once when he was running for President and why Hillary will not even bother going, she just sends Bill.

It’s also another reason to be wary of Dick Morris.

Remember that famous election night when, I believe it was Peter Jennings said on the air before the polls were closed, “According to the exciting polls, Florida has gone to Gore.”

The citizens in Florida had hours to go before the polls closed, thereby effecting the whole election and perhaps much of that huge chad mess because many conservatives heard that news, gave up and went to the local bar.

Oh, they all said, it was a “mistake.” Right.

Hey, it worked pretty well then, and now that the “polls” are saying the Republicans are going to lose big time…it’s working again.

There was a recent poll just taken that said that if Hillary ran against John McCain using just the name Hillary Clinton she would lose by 1%...BUT, if she went by the name Hillary Rodham Clinton she would win by 7%.

So, I suggest she change her name to Queen Hillary Clinton II and lose.

Nothing like a good “poll” to effect votes when you’re down. Someone should take a “poll” to see just how many Americans would like to get rid of “polls.”

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Speaking of names---Melissa Etheridge and her “wife” just had twins! And just in case you are trying to find a reason for wondering if gays should really be allowed to be parents….they named the boy, Miller Steven, and the girl---Johnnie Rose.

I sure hope Melissa can make a man out of Johnnie or they might have to watch a little girl crying a lot. Also, since it was an anonymous donor, Daddy Melissa might be disappointed when Johnnie grows up to prefer men.

As far as being named after a beer, their boy will either grow up to be a priest or an alcoholic, or totally confused.

And in Biloxi, Mississippi, Rusty Real has named his son, EPSN Montana Real. But he’s not the first one. There’s an Espn Malachi McCall in Texas; Espn Curial in Texas, and Espn Blondeel in Michigan.

This is getting to be a popular name…like navel belly rings; I predict this new alternative to the usual boring names will catch on fast.

Soon we will see CNN Hillary, FOX O’Rielly, TNT Simpson, and probably my pick, Sci-Fi Williams.

Americans are so creative…we need more cable stations.

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Wait, I’m not finished with this. According to some polls, many Americans, including among that list…Oprah Windfrey, are hoping to one day say:

President Barak Osama.

Hopefully President Barak Osama, if he should become president, will not disgrace his country as another “multi-national,” has… Senior U.S .Director of Public Diplomacy for the Middle East, Alberto Fernandez, said this week that the U.S. Policy in the region showed “arrogance and stupidity.”

Of course he said this in perfect fluent Arabic thinking us nobody’s here in America would ever know.

A Spanish guy who speaks perfect Arabic…where do they find these guys?

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The answer is, you can find the social/democrats wanting to take over the world everywhere, like in Germany (a country who gave Hillary a “Woman of the Year” award last year)

Ex-Chancellor Gerhard Schroeder wrote a book that he could not “reconcile himself with the feeling that religion was the driving force behind many of Bush’s political decision.”

He also said; “We rightly criticize that in most Islamic States, the role of religion for society and the character of the rule of law are not clearly separated. But we fail to recognize that in the USA, the Christian fundamentalists and their interpretation of the Bible have similar tendencies”

Which is EXACTLY what Bill Clinton said last week---proof that Bill Clinton did not forget to send his democratic talking points to his buddy in Germany…it’s just that CNN ABC, NBC, Nancy, James, and al-quada, Chavez, and China get them first.

So, if they want to expose some e-mails, I suggest following Bill’s weekly talking points are a good place to start.

And anyway, I’m just so scared that President Bush believes in God, aren’t you? Really, really quite frightening.

I bet the men in Valley Forge felt the same way about George Washington when he led them in prayer. Scary.

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Nobody’s Perfect; This goes to South Korea for protesting the “free trade” talks with America. Evidently the South Koreans like to use the cheap slave labor in North Korea to grow their rice and beans. Once the U.S. gets our products into South Korea, we would flood their markets with cheaper rice and beans and jeopardize their livelihood.

Sound familiar?

Frankly, I think it’s the least they can give us for all the lives that have been sacrificed and might have to be sacrificed to protect their South Korean … (fill in the blank)

Also, the Floridians, who are known for their perfect driving record have decided it’s Okay to expose your breasts when you are protesting not being able to bare your breast, thereby making it lawful for every girl who wants to in Florida, if caught bare breasted in the grocery store to simply say; “Officer, I am protesting, here have a banana.”

And the city of Ft. Meyers, has announced that the Turkey Testicle Festival can keep its name. The vote was four to one.

I have a feeling there will be bare-breasted girls celebrating turkey testicles. Something tells me that Foley is not going to be the last surprise coming out of that state.

Nobody Knows; There is a university in China that requires law and business students to take golf lessons to prepare them for the business world. Many of the students are protesting, saying it’s for “elites.”

You have to admire the Chinese, it’s a great idea. I think the universities here should do the same. Instead of taking politically correct courses like “Orientation,” or “Blank Panthers and the History of Sisterhood.” They should be mandated to take golf.

All these Chinese are going to be beating us at science and math…and NOW they will be killing us on the golf courses. The NAFTA highway is already building sand traps.

We’d better get on this, and start in high school. All the recycling classes and community service should be thrown out and replaced with golf and tennis.

At least here, the students would not protest, and that’s good news.

Nobody Cares. Darryl Hannah was out on a pink surf board, helping her friends Piece Bronson, Halle Barry, Cindy Crawford, and Jane Seymour protest a natural gas line which is being planned to be built 14 miles off of Malibu.

Now, is this because they want to save the whales, or is this the Ted Kennedy “any place but around my house” concern?

Darryl should go back in her tree, and take Ted with her.

They should be thankful it’s going to be built by the Australians and not the Saudi’s.

Nobody Wins. In Mexico, the drug gangs are starting to cut off heads and hang them out on poles. This nobody suggests remembering that fact in the next election when you are considering which candidate to vote for.