Concepts From An Empty Mailbox

Nobody’s Opinion; Oh…it was Columbus Day yesterday, that’s why I didn’t get any mail.

I blame the fact that I went to look in my mailbox every hour on the hour until 5p.m., like a complete idiot--- on just how well the last forty years of political correct brainwashing has contributed to my lack of reverence.

I was so busy worrying about North Korea obliterating every city in the United States that I did not even think about the holiday.

Any thoughts of Columbus was replaced by little a pudgy little fat man, who likes to watch Hollywood movies in-between watching reports on CNN saying that he is the most feared man in the world.

So, can we blame Hollywood for the megalomania of a madman?

Sure…why not?

This also means that Hollywood will be spared from any nukes because Kim Jong il probably thinks he would be killing Paris Hilton, which would be a great waste in his mind. The rest of us are expendable.

Yes, Kim Jong il has over 100 villas of young girls for his pleasure and the biggest collection of porn in the world. No wonder Bill Clinton gave him all that plutonium.

Don’t tell Robert Redford. (He has a nice collection too, so I’ve read.)

There was a time, when I was a kid, that Columbus Day was a very big deal. We not only would study about some Italian guy who discovered “America,” we were lead to believe that without the exploration of Columbus, none of us would have been born.

Pretty scary idea when you’re in the first grade. I actually would look at my feet and be amazed that if not for some Old Italian, I would not exit.

We all had it in our minds that Columbus got off the boat somewhere near the Statue of Liberty, stomped off his boat into sand that was two feet deep, and planted a great big flag, and then claimed the whole country for his.

Neil Armstrong also did this on the moon, having once been in the first grade himself, except he said “One big step for mankind and one pretty clumsy step in a ridiculous spacesuit for me.”
(No, he didn’t really say that, but he should have)

Plant a flag, and it’s yours. Life is really wonderful where there are no lawyers.

I bet they don’t even mention Columbus now. Now, it’s probably knows as “teachers conferences--day off.”

The kids are now told the Vikings actually discovered America, forget Columbus…he was a fraud.

None of my teachers ever mentioned that Columbus was searching for a new route to China because the Muslims would not let any sailors who were not Muslim pass through the Mediterranean Sea.

Slitting throats was as fun for them back then as it appears to be now.

They also didn’t mention that it was actually the Bahamas where he first landed, or that it wasn’t American Indians he first saw but Island Indians which were filled with lots of butt-naked natives, with lots of butt-naked woman who only wore a small leaf or apron.

No wonder Columbus and his men thought they had discovered paradise.

That’s pretty heavy stuff for the lst grade. Still, I don’t think the teachers really knew much more than the stuff they had in their teacher’s guide book.

The writers of the history books thought, “Oh, lets just leave that stuff out; they don’t need to know that.”

We didn’t need to know that Columbus reported that other islands were reported to have cannibals and people with “tails.”

Yes, tails. Humans did not take millions of years to evolve, only a few years of the right bananas. Somehow this little tidbit did not get into our Darwinian science books.

The natives also thought that Columbus was God, because, they thought anyone that would wear long pants and a coast in such blistering heat and not take his clothes off had to be from heaven.

Columbus wrote a lot of letters. He talks about the natives here::

“As soon, however, as they see that they are safe and have laid aside all fear, they are very simple and honest and exceedingly liberal with all they have; none of them refusing anything he many possess when he is asked for it, but, on the contrary, inviting us to ask them. They give objects of great value (such as plates of gold) for trifles, and content themselves with very little or nothing in return. I, however, forbade that trifles and articles of no value should be given to them, although if they could obtain them, they imagined themselves to be possessed of the most beautiful trinkets in the world.”

Does anyone know of a man today that would not take advantage of this?

No, I couldn’t think of one either.

When Columbus the empire builder declared these islands the possession of Spain, the natives couldn’t have been happier. After all, the natives not only got a God, but all kinds of wonderful objects like plates that they could use for sitting on, glasses, which were a major improvement from coconuts, and the first keys to teach them how to be frustrated when you can’t find them.

Here’s another revelation from Columbus’s letter;

“As fare as I have learned, every man throughout these islands is united to but one wife, with the exception of the Kings and princes, who are allowed to have twenty. The women seem to work more than the men.”

Okay…Who left that wonderful nugget of historical importance out of my history book? Someone didn’t want the kids to know that woman worked harder than men, they might grow up to become feminists and demand money.

If you think about it, mankind has not changed at all.

He also said “We must render thanks to our Lord and Savior Jesus Christ who has granted us so great a victory and such prosperity. Let Christ rejoice on earth.”

No wonder they didn’t let you read Columbus’s letters in school. No child should be exposed to such religious thoughts, even if historical.

In fact, that’s probably the reason there is very few actual words from historical figures were taught in school, because they were always thanking Christ and God.

But, Columbus was smart enough to believe in something…I don’t think he was faking religion, or else he could have seriously ripped off those good people that accepted him and his men with such kindness.

Columbus was not only extremely intelligent, but he had the guts to sail into the unknown and find a whole different people…which sent the world on a different course.

He certainly affected our world much more than the Vikings, who, although were obviously a hardy bunch, they are basically remembered for their cool hats.

Too bad that Columbus day has been reduced to “A day without mail.” If Kim Jong il gets his way, it will be replaced with “A day without a nation.”

Next year, I’m marking it in red. I intend to pray to God to send us a few more men like Columbus. Who needs mail?


Nobody’s Perfect; If Bill Clinton had sent Monica over to Kim Jong il, instead of Madeline Albright, maybe I would not have forgotten the mail today, because North Korean would not have been able to develop nuclear weapons.

And if Kim Jong il actually uses these weapons, Bill Clinton might as well move to China, where there is I’m sure, a bunker filled with porn already waiting for him.

Nobody Knows; In the Rogue Jew’s very educational blog yesterday, he surmised that Columbus was probably a Jew, and facts seem to prove it could very well have been true...

According to the authors of “The Bell Curve” who did a study on IQ tests, the research shows that Jews scored higher on IQ tests than any other nationality, which is probably because for most of history they did not interbreed much outside their race.

This would explain how Columbus could speak all those languages and know his way around the world so well; he knew just when to turn his boats south so as not to get stuck in winter. Something many people in the United States have never figured out.

Then again, Elizabeth the First could speak many languages, and she was English--- so there goes that theory.

Nobody Cares; Columbus left a bunch of men to build a fortress on the islands, called Navidad del Senor. He didn’t worry about them because the natives “had no arms; they go naked, and are moreover too cowardly, so that those who hold the said fortress can easy keep the whole island in check. Provided they do not transgress the directions and regulations which I have given them.”

I will always wonder just what those directions and regulations were. Something tells me they may not have been obeyed.