The Ten Commandments; Second Edition

Nobody’s Opinion; There are very few people anymore who can say that they have actually read the Bible cover to cover, and who can blame them really? The funny names alone are enough to make you a candidate for laser eye surgery.

The Bible was probably one of the first censuses ever taken. Reading the Old Testament is about as much fun as reading the yellow pages---the difference being you could actually pronounce the names in your local Southwestern Bell Bible.

From E’phraim, Elishama the son of Ammihud and from Manasseh, Gamaliel the son of Pdeahzur…God forbid anyone be left out.

The mothers back then must have had trouble calling them all home for dinner. What did she do? Ring a big bell and say; “Dinner! Come home Raim, Hama, Hudie, Gama, and Zurie!”

Of course she didn’t! She just rang the bell.

The father wouldn’t even have called his sons; he would have just sat down and ate his food and all of theirs too.

“Dad, you ate all the food!”

“Well, where were you?”

But whether you’re a Christian, an atheist, or an agnostic, one thing becomes very clear.

Those Ten Commandments were just a wonderful set of rules; in fact, they are probably the greatest thing ever given to humanity by the Jewish people.

Too bad they are so easy to break.

Let’s face it---Moses had his hands full. As we have seen from history, mobs of people can get very touchy. He was probably walking along and said to his brother, Aaron:

“I’ve just got to do something about all these fights. Frankly, I think they see us eating and they are starving. That one big fellow is looking at me really funny…have any ideas?”

So, off to the mountain Moses went.

And whether God actually carved the commandments in stone with a big finger of fire, or whether Moses just went away for awhile and prayed for heavenly guidance and carved the stones himself…it’s been proven time and again, the rules work.

Humanity at this point in time, actually need these commandments more than they need cell phones.

For instance…Let’s take the commandment, “You shall not kill.”

Just imagine if everyone in the whole world abided by that one rule. We might still have wars, but we’d all be much richer.

Population control would be outlawed.

Maybe that’s why sports were invented, because like diets, the Ten Commandments have not always easy to obey on a daily basis by one individual, let alone by whole tribes of men. But, by and large, the rules have kept enough people in line so that Western Civilization actually made some progress.

Someone said, “I’m having a hard time not killing those guys...but God says we can’t kill. They used to have the Olympics…let’s try that. We can actually have those guys who keep raping our woman come over and have a race. Then we can rape their woman while they’re running, and afterwards we’ll have a big feast and lots of wine, and nobody will care anymore!” (Actually, that’s not how it started, but I bet someone said it.)

You can’t have a bunch of people going around killing each other. Otherwise, no one will be left to grow the food, hunt, and play poker with on Saturday night.

And as we all know, men can hate each other one day, and the next day be best buddies.

I’m sure more than one man who decided to kill another for whatever reason at the time thought, “Now, why did I do that…I actually liked that guy… but he pissed me off. Now I have to go even farther to buy horses--- what I was thinking!”

On the other hand, the Bible gave Moses lots of permission to go in and slaughter whole cities of woman and children to take over. God ordered him to do it, he said.

No wonder Moses was not allowed to go into the Promised Land.

Somehow, coming out of the desert, Moses thought he’d twist God’s rules, because, well, the Jews were chosen.

This always causes lots of fights: “My God choose ME!”
“NO…my god chooses ME!”
“ My god is the real god, yours is fake.” Kids.

And yet, if someone tries to kill you, “Turning the other cheek” is not a good idea. You will be dead, and for what?

What’s my point? Men interpret the rules. Nevertheless, that doesn’t mean the idea of “You shall not kill” wasn’t just the best of ideas since the idea of planting seeds in the ground, instead of walking all over the place. It was a real noble prize winner.

In fact, the whole state of Israel should get the noble peace prize just for coming up with them in the first place.

My favorite commandment is “You shall not commit adultery.”

I’m sure Moses noticed that all that walking in the desert was boring, and a lot of men and women started messing around. But if there is anything in the world that will make a man or women want to kill, it’s adultery. Best to ban it right off…It probably cut the killing in half.

Which is why I think Clinton wanted to put men and woman on submarines together. He knew it would screw up the whole Navy, and that was on his agenda. (That’s called a… Nobody’s off the subject burp.)

These were no-brainers. As we see from our crumbling society, where religion is being torn down in order to build the New World of grunts to work for the one world Marxist government, this nobody wishes more men and woman would wake up to the fact that some of these old religious rules are being slaughtered by our new self appointed Moses’ who are leading us back into the wilderness.

So they can find the golden calf. Actually, if you watch MTV, we are actually standing back at the foot of the mountain.

We’d better start fighting a little harder for all men and woman to start digging up these rules again. Even if they are being taken out of our schools, our courts, and our judicial system, that means we must fight even harder to keep them in our hearts.

Because the day these commandments, the ones that our system of justice and all of Western Civilization was based on is smitten from the stones of our Supreme Court, is the day we might as well all go back to Egypt, and be slaves once again.

Nobody’s Perfect; Moses was acting just like a typical guy when he cam down from the mountain and threw the Ten Commandments on the ground; breaking them to little pieces, thereby creating more work for his wife. I’m sure God was not too impressed either. He probably thought, “I should have added a few more.”

Nobody Knows; How in the history of men, different tribes used three brothers from the old testament, as an excuse to build separate religions, which have now come to heads for the annihilation of all humanity in the 21st century. It’s amazing when you think about it.

Nobody Cares; I saw Charlton Heston in The Ten Commandments when I was just a kid at the theatre. That’s one of the reasons why I think the Ten Commandments are so great.

Having thought on this, isn’t it nice to know that all the Harry Potter movies will be helping the younger kids of our time grow up to fight the evil that is surely coming?

Now, if only history would produce another Moses…I think we are ready for the next Ten Commandments…if he needed to go and get them, he could use the shuttle.