The Biggest Snow Job

Nobody Knows: Las Vegas now has lots of snow to go along with the annual Santa Run!

It’s about time!

Snow in Las Vegas can’t be all bad for the casinos, who as we all know, have been suffering economically with the rest of us. Who wants to go outside and walk up and down the strip in the cold? Bored tourists are at this very moment snuggled up to their slot machines, being served by sexy Santa’s with false eyelashes.

For Vegas, that’s a good thing.

And speaking of snow: according to many scientists who claim we are actually going into another ice age, if this is so…what good are all these solar panels going to do us when all the roofs are all piled under twelve feet of snow all winter?

What happens when the wind mills freeze up in the deserts?

Is this another idiotic idea like the “corn for fuel” program, whose repercussions caused the starvation of little children in Africa? (not to mention what it did for my Sunday chicken dinners)

If that’s the case, it’s settled. The object here is to come up with as many “failed” governmental projects until we all die off, leaving the rich to never ever again have to stay in their multi-million dollar apartments after stealing $60 billion dollars.

The nerve.

How can we not think it?

For instance, in New York, they want to tax real soda, forcing everyone to buy diet soda. There’s proof right there. All the latest medical tests have found that diet soda contains substances that will make you demented before the age of forty. Put a diet Dr. Pepper in the hand of a small child, and a cell phone in the other, and you’ve got a future retard.

You think they don’t know this?

The chemicals in diet soda…well, lets just say, you might want to consider drinking beer.

As much as I hate it, it’s not as bad as diet soda.

And when I think of diet soda, I think of Caroline Kennedy. I saw her mother on TV yesterday doing the very First Lady’s Christmas White House tour. She is built exactly like her mother…skinny to the day she dies.

And like a true blue-blooded royal pain…she wants to take Hillary’s seat as Senator of New York---reconstructed nose and all.

Even though there will be a few protests to the sheer nepotism of it all, it’s all about her future run for the Presidency.

Like we have any say in the matter---if not her, then Chelsea.

Frankly, if we must accept Kings and Queens and dynasties, which of course is being forced on us…Caroline surely can’t be any worse than Hillary or Ted…can she?

Nobody Knows.

Yesterday I watched the White House tour by Jackie Kennedy. And I never noticed this before but she does a most excellent imitation of Marilyn Monroe…her voice that is. It’s almost laughable. At the end of it, Jack Kennedy came on and actually talked like a President, who knew a lot of American history. I think it was the most intelligent scene I’ve ever seen of the man.

So, did they play this C-Span rerun because Caroline was coming out as Senator this week? Coincidence? Nobody Knows, but come on…of course they did.

That’s pretty easy to…know.

But what I don’t know is what happened in Iraq this week? Everyone in the world by now has seen President Bush get not one, but two shoes thrown at him.

This could have been a Lincoln moment.

If his body guards wouldn’t protect him from a shoe---what makes you think they’d protect him from a bullet? The guy was actually sitting DOWN, in the front row? In Iraq?

This smacks of the plot of a Tom Clancy novel…there’s more to this than meets the Nobody’s eye.

Is that why he wasn’t with Laura Bush tonight at the Annual White House Christmas Concert? He has never missed that affair.

Was he in some bunker somewhere stopping an attack?

Or have they split up?

Nobody Knows but the few, and most of us don’t care anymore because everyday, all the news you hear in middle America about almost everything, feels like we are all being buried with one big politically powerful snow job.