Tuesday, March 08, 2011

Nobody's Perfect: The Charlie Sheen Interview: No. 1303

Nobody's Perfect: Lance Mckenzie Interviews Charlie Sheen

You have seen all the interviews on every network, with the perfect Charlie Sheen, but you haven't seen this one: Inmate Lance Mckenzie interviews Charlie from the Yamhill County Jail:


Lance: Hey Charlie, you're a big hit here man...all the inmates love ya, bro.

Charlie: I'm on a quest to claim absolute victory on every front Lance, thanks.

Lance: So, the guys here want to know if your show, "Two and a Half men" is about two guys and a dwarf...they don't let us watch it here.

Charlie: I'm proud of what I created. Why wouldn't I be? I exposed people to magic. I expose them to something that they otherwise would not see in their boring normal lives. And I gave that to them! That sucks man, that they won't let you watch the Tiger Warlock in action man...really.

Lance: Yeah, it's pretty boring here. Sometimes it's so boring you just want to die, know what I mean? Hey Charlie, can you send me some of your magic whatever...got any cobics? Maharishi? Chocolate chips?

Charlie: Dying is for fools. Amateurs.

Lance: Well, I miss my drugs man...you think you could score me some?

Charlie: I probably took more than anybody could survive. I was bangin' seven-gram rocks and finishing them because that's how I roll, because I have one speed, one gear. GO! I'm different, I have a different constitution, I have a different brain, I have a different heart. I got tiger blood, man.

Lance: Wow...tiger blood, I had some of that stuff once...I had a hard time walking.

Charlie: Shutup! Hey, I'm clean. I can't help you out there Lance. I am on a drug, it's called 'Charlie Sheen.' It's not available cause if you try it once you will die. Your face will melt off, and children will weep over your exploded body.

Lance: Wow man...that doesn't sound too good. Haven't you got anything else? Purple Haze? I wanna coast...you know what I mean?

Charlie: Yeah, I mean what's not to love about me Lance? Especially when you see how I party. Man it was epic. That run I was on made Sinatra, Flynn, Jagger, Richards, all of 'em just look like droopy-eyed aimless children.

Lance: I once had some stuff with another Charlie ..he was real strange man. He kept talking in crazy rants, kept saying things like "Helter Skelter." over and over again. Did you ever party with Charlie, Charlie?

Charlie: DUH! Yeah, probably... I think that's where I first heard, "I've got poetry at my fingertip." Charlie used to say that. I'm still alive, which is pretty cool. I got rocket fuel that lives in the tip of my saber. But I'm dealing with fools and trolls, out here Lance. I'm dealing with soft targets, and it's just strafing runs in my underwear.

Lance: That's not good man.

Charlie: Hey Lance, It's been a tsunami. And I've been riding it on a mercury surfboard.

Lance: Well hell, man, why don't you hook me up with some of that Charlie Sheen stuff?

Charlie: I can't man., you borrow my brain for five seconds and just be like "Dude, can't handle it! Unplug this bastard!"..it fires in a way that is perhaps not from this terrestrial realm.

Lance; I could use some new underwear-- Charlie, in fact, you could send me some...you know what I mean? Score some of that terrestrial realm stuff for me bro. Just fold it over.

Charlie: Score, like in win? We win so radically in our underwear before our first cup of coffee, it's scary. People say it's lonely at the top, but I sure like the view."

Lance: Charlie, you're a real lumberjack, you know?

Charlie: Thanks bro. I'm tired of pretending I'm not a total bitchin' rock star from Mars, and people can't figure me out, they can't process me. I don't expect them to. You can't process me with a normal brain. People who aren't special. People who don't' have tiger blood and Adonis DNA. You must be special Lance.

Lance: Yeah, I love ya man. After I saw that cool tatoo you got, I went out and got one too.

Charlie: Shut up! What's it say?

Lance: Lick me

Charlie: That's cool man. Shut up! You know why I can say that? Because I've a 10,000 year old brain and the boogers of a 7-year- old. I've got poetry at my fingertips. Lick me. Love it.
Hey, gotta go Lance...my goddess' are WINNING!

Lance..Okay...keep on winning bro! Bye.

Lance gets out in sixty days, in case there are any lumberjacks out there who might want to catch up with him. Lance wins the Nobody's Perfect contest for this week, because Charlie Sheen, as the whole world now knows...is perfect. .....DUH.

(Nobody Makes this stuff up, and all in good fun!)



Blogger oakleyses said...

louis vuitton outlet online, kate spade handbags, ray ban sunglasses, kate spade outlet online, prada outlet, michael kors outlet, coach outlet store online, nike shoes, nike air max, jordan shoes, nike free, polo ralph lauren, christian louboutin shoes, longchamp outlet, michael kors outlet online, longchamp handbags, gucci handbags, longchamp outlet online, polo ralph lauren outlet, michael kors outlet store, michael kors outlet online, oakley vault, red bottom shoes, prada handbags, tory burch outlet, cheap oakley sunglasses, michael kors outlet online, burberry outlet online, chanel handbags, oakley sunglasses, burberry outlet online, coach purses, louis vuitton outlet, christian louboutin outlet, tiffany jewelry, coach outlet, nike air max, tiffany and co jewelry, ray ban outlet, louboutin shoes, louis vuitton handbags, michael kors outlet online, louis vuitton, coach outlet, louis vuitton outlet

12:18 AM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

giuseppe zanotti, insanity workout, canada goose, valentino shoes, bottega veneta, new balance outlet, canada goose pas cher, marc jacobs outlet, moncler, asics shoes, beats headphones, hollister, reebok shoes, ugg boots, canada goose outlet, vans outlet, rolex watches, ugg outlet, moncler outlet, canada goose outlet, mac cosmetics, lululemon outlet, uggs outlet, wedding dresses, ferragamo shoes, soccer shoes, babyliss pro, north face outlet, mont blanc pens, jimmy choo shoes, mcm handbags, longchamp, ugg, canada goose uk, soccer jerseys, ghd, birkin bag, uggs on sale, celine handbags, moncler, nfl jerseys, roshe run, chi flat iron, instyler ionic styler, herve leger, p90x workout, ugg soldes, abercrombie and fitch, north face jackets, canada goose outlet

12:19 AM  
Blogger oakleyses said...

north face, sac michael kors, abercrombie and fitch, scarpe hogan, nike air max, hollister, louis vuitton, nike free, true religion outlet, ray ban uk, vans pas cher, oakley pas cher, ray ban pas cher, lululemon, hollister, air max pas cher, michael kors canada, north face pas cher, air jordan, longchamp pas cher, nike trainers, nike free pas cher, hermes pas cher, air max, sac louis vuitton, true religion outlet, guess pas cher, converse pas cher, true religion, mulberry, nike huarache, timberland, ralph lauren pas cher, burberry pas cher, nike air force, sac vanessa bruno, lacoste pas cher, louis vuitton uk, nike roshe run, chaussure louboutin, longchamp, ralph lauren, barbour, nike roshe, nike blazer pas cher, michael kors uk, tn pas cher, new balance pas cher, louis vuitton pas cher, nike air max

12:20 AM  
Blogger dong dong23 said...

louis vuitton outlet
nike free run 2
cheap jordans
coach outlet
louis vuitton bags
louboutin pas cher
oakley sunglasses
louis vuitton handbags
gucci outlet
polo ralph lauren
nike blazers
christian louboutin shoes
michael kors outlet
burberry outlet
true religion jeans
true religion outlet
lebron james shoes
michael kors handbags
lebron james shoes 2015
air max 90
coach outlet
rolex watches outlet
oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin shoes
celine handbags
christian louboutin outlet
rolex watches
fitflops sale clearance
louis vuitton outlet
tory burch outlet
oakley vault
coach outlet
vans shoes outlet
michael kors outlet
abercrombie & fitch
ray-ban sunglasses
oakley sunglasses
christian louboutin outlet
toms shoes
mont blanc

8:27 PM  
Blogger Unknown said...

chicago bulls jersey
michael kors handbags
michael kors outlet
los angeles lakers jerseys
jordan shoes
nike trainers
pandora charms
oklahoma city thunder jerseys
ralph lauren pas cher
michael kors outlet

7:40 PM  
Blogger happy 123 said...

light up shoes
true religion jeans
true religion outlet
adidas tubular
harden shoes
nike air zoom
michael kors outlet
nike huarache
kyrie irving shoes
longchamp outlet

6:27 PM  

Post a Comment

Links to this post:

Create a Link

<< Home