If You're Not Green, You're Mean

Nobody’s Opinion; On the May issue of Vanity Fair, we see that Al Gore has finally found an outfit that makes him look masculine. Remember how much trouble he was having picking out his outfits during his run for the Presidency? With him on the cover are George Clooney, Robert Kennedy, and Julia Roberts looking like a fairy out of Midsummer’s Night Dream, or a stalk of broccoli.

Al Gore should hire me for fashion consultant. I would put a picture of him on National Geographic, naked, hugging a tree. After all, there have been a lot of famous woman who posed naked when pregnant: Demi Moore for one. The magazines sold out. A naked Al Gore---couldn’t hurt.

Then I’d take another shot with him standing on the biggest pile of garbage he could find, in sandals and a white Oscar de La Renta Suit. For a third shot, I’d put him in a diving outfit with goggles on in the middle of Wall Street on the cover of Forbes.

Poor Al, he doesn’t get why the average American (note average) does not care if the Hampton’s go underwater; or Washington D.C. or San Francisco, just like he didn’t know who all those statues were at his visit to Monticello.

In the issue there are simulated maps of these cities going under water due to global warming along with many champions who are wearing the green. There is the eerie picture of Martha’s Vineyard under water, and another of Hamptons titled, “Sunken Treasure.” Wow, guess the looters will have to learn how to dive.

This proves that this is an elitist concern. The rich have more to lose, and also so much more to gain by putting huge taxes and emissions fees on all of us poor people so they can feel safe.

Al starts his article called “The Moment of Truth” telling us that the Chinese have two symbols for the environmental issues. (I’ve been telling you the Democrats are in bed with the communists.) They stand he says, for crisis, and danger.

So he gets in a plug for the Chinese and one for the Bible: “Where there is no vision, the people perish.” he quotes.

Yes, you get the feeling from reading this issue that the rich have a vision all right. They are truly scared that all “their” favorite places, will disappear. And their favorite place is not Boise Iowa. Remember, Clinton made sure most average Americans now have to stand in line for up to two years to see Yosemite, and then it will not be from the comfort of your own car.

Because they know the earth is going to end soon, they present a quicker solution than the bird flu. Ludwig Minelli of Zurich Switzerland is very afraid that people will be trying to commit suicide in this upcoming ecological crisis, and heaven forbid---it’s not an easy thing to do. If people mess it up, they will be a burden to society. Medicare could not handle it. Too many amateurs screwing up the attempt will be a nightmare to the government. So Mr. Minelli is planning to set up clinics in every country to teach you how to do it right. One Terri Shavio was enough.

And you will become suicidal, because Al Gore blames President Bush for Katrina, for Iraq, global warming and the earth being destroyed. We are told that the reason China, India, and Brazil will not sign the Kyoto treaty is because President Bush won’t. Poor Queen Elizabeth is worried sick about President Bush destroying the Earth, because England will go first. Who will pay for her castles?

Yes, President Bush, and the rest of us horrible Americans are going to destroy humanity one way or the other. Never mind that we don’t see any actual PROOF, they just keep repeating it over and over. And sadly, that does work.

They have systematically been preaching this mantra for quite some time. All the kids in public schools can crush soda cans and put newspapers in neat piles, they just can’t count them. The kids are told the whole earth will be destroyed by 2050, and they believe every word of it. Soon we will hear that we are addicted to trash. We’ve just GOT to have it.

When I was eighteen, I drove to downtown St. Louis every day to work, and the air was so bad that, on a hot summer’s day, you could hardly breathe. The smell of sour yeast from the Anheiser- Busch brewery was also enough to turn your stomach. Going out to lunch was not an option.

Now, all that is gone, pretty much cleaned up. Yeah, we had a flood here in 93’ but it was not as bad as the one in Mark Twain’s time. We still get tornadoes. They come in the spring, and you get in your basement.

We’re not ready to kill ourselves quit yet.

Of course, everyone admits, the weather has changed, but the sensible are not ready to accept that WE are the cause of the Artic melting.

This nobody has noticed a shift in the earth’s position. What’s my scientific method? Pretty much the same as how the Greeks determined that the world was flat. By a simple common sense deduction.

If you stay in one place all your life, and notice the settings of the sun from year to year, you MAY have noticed the sun does not set in the same place as it did many years ago.

So…there are many reasons for this, and I’m no physicist, but I’m more likely to believe that perhaps a small wobble or turn in the earth (which they know happens) would have a huge effect on all the systems of the planet, not to mention the sun, and the moon and everything else in the universe that we claim to know so much about.

But, that scientific theory does not make money.

And anyway, even if it were the people on the earth causing the problems, fix it. But don’t go backward in time and build windmills and solar energy systems that no one can afford.

Get the best minds to work on it. Built some hills around New York. Circle San Francisco with some of those nifty islands they are building in Dubai. Shape them like eagles, or a giant high heel shoe.

Speaking of big hills, it’s no coincidence that both the National Geographic and Vanity Fair have articles about the Appalachian Mountain mining this year. And didn’t it seem strange that there were all those coal mining incidences in one year?

Also...with the exception of New Orleans, mostly the rich live on the beaches.

But what about Katrina you say? The poor suffered there.

Even Nobodies can surmise that the very rich are very concerned about this problem. The Democratic Mayor of New Orleans, and the Democratic Governor could have been told of the opportunity to ease up on the help…to finally once and for all show the world that global warming is real. What are a few poor citizens when the whole would is in jeopardy? Not to mention the opportunity to make way for more Mexicans, with jobs and rebuilding. Demographic planning is so much fun. Ok…you say, now you’re just being mean. Nobody would do such a thing, and you’re a nut for even thinking it…NO?

Nobody Knows: Not many people are aware that there is technology out there that can affect the weather. Clinton's Secretary of Defense, William Cohen talked about it in 1997. He talked about using weather as a weapon. Some not so shabby scientists argue that it was possibly that Katina could have been manipulated. Even though it might not be true, remember that companies like BP Petroleum and GE are putting billions of dollars into development of the new global market of environmental solutions.

Nobody’s Perfect; Alan Greenspan regrets “international exuberance” during his reign as money lord of the world. He let out the plans out of the New World Order in the statement, “The world equilibrium is better reached by allowing a number of these countries (basically China, India, and Japan) which are growing at an extraordinary economic growth." (thanks to U.S. politicians and CEO’s) to continue to outdo us.

It’s called affirmative action for the world, paid for by the U.S. citizens.

Nobody’s Cares: On Tuesday night there will be a movie on Primetime about the Bird flu killing us all. Tonight, getting ready for it, President Bush is working up vaccines. Two million are predicted to die. If you have never seen San Francisco, now is the time, wait...better go see Mt. Rushmore. The taliban like to blow up sides of mountains.