The Cell Phone Heard Round the World.

Nobody’s Opinion: “All warfare is based on deception. Hence, when able to attack, we must seem unable. When using our forces, we must seem inactive. When we are near, we must make the enemy believe we are far away. When far away, we must make him believe we are near. Hold out baits to entice the enemy. Feign disorder, and crush him. If he is secure at all points, be prepared for him. If he is superior in strength, evade him. If your opponent is quick to anger, seek to irritate him. Pretend to be weak, that he may grow arrogant. If he is taking his ease, give him no rest. If his forces are united, separate them. Attack him where he is unprepared; appear where you are not expected.”--- Sun Tzu, the Art of War.


While the fate of a nation was being decided today on the Senate floor in Washington, D.C., America watched while a calm and happy black woman Representative of the House named McKinney basically apologize for beating up a police officer who was just doing his job, with her cell phone. She was sorry she said, as she grinned from ear to ear.

Just 24 hours before she was so upset she was crying “racial profiling.” You would have thought this police man had raped her, kidnapped her children, and burned a white cross on her front lawn while blasting “Hey, Hey, We’re The Monkeys” on a 500,000 watt P.A.system aimed at her front door.

But something was wrong here. That fast of a turn around seemed very out-of-place for the black caucus. That’s not their usual game.

My mind drifted to an imaginary scene: Somewhere, deep in the Congressional Halls, a secret gathering was taking place. The room was dark. Big leather chairs…dark red velvet curtains: there was a crowd…people talking, drinking brandy---cigars, men in dark suits, ladies in thousand dollar shoes. The powerful Democratic elites of Congress were gathering. There were all the great leaders: Kennedy, Feinstein, Jackson, Clintons, Gores--- and McCain.

In the middle of the darkened room stood a small old man of Asian decent. His robes of gold and purple hung down to the floor. His beard was very long and gray. As he cleared his throat, everyone took a seat…the room became quiet.

Sun Tzu was about to speak.

“In order to win the next election, you need the Hispanic vote. Your base is getting smaller. You must pass the historical ruling tomorrow in order to get back into power. Everything depends on this moment. The riots went well and as planned…it has angered many people. Now, you must direct that anger in another direction so the people do not see what is about to happen. So you need a delusion. Something else to infuriate them and keep their anger off the amnesty you are about to rule into law. Any suggestions?”

“How about burning some churches?” said Al Sharpton.

“Or how about some more fires in Texas? I just love to watch that state burn!” said James Carville. Everyone laughed.

John Kerry spoke, “Impeachment. We’ve got to stick on that. Maybe we can drum up some false documents saying that Bush ordered the planes to stand down during 9/11. I really think that we should keep on this.”

Hillary Clinton laughed, “No John, we need something dirtier, a sex scandal of some kind. Let’s get Larry to dig up an old girlfriend of George’s and get her say he is calling her again and is drinking.”

“Hell, why can’t he get hit by a car while he’s riding on that stupid bike?” said Ted Kennedy. Everyone was laughing…but the old man shook his head.

“No,” said Sun Tzu. “You have not listened. This must be something very simple. Something that is so ordinary, no one would suspect it.”

Then from the back of the room where he had been sitting quietly thinking, the great man, Bill Clinton rose to his feet. Everyone’s eyes followed him to the first aisle. He had the beautiful smile that they all adored; he stopped and titled his head to one side. The room became silenced.

“I think I have it.” he said. “We’ll get a black female congressman to not wear her ID, and when the police stop her, and you know they will, she can say he touched her “inappropriately.” It’s very important that she says the word ‘inappropriate’ to suggest something sexual. The people will be so mad because the the polls all say they are sick of the blacks getting special treatment. They won’t be paying attention to the Senate. Then you know, the Republicans will come after her and it will be all over the news, I guarantee it. We work the deal, and all go home. “

For a few brief moments…there was an eerie silence…then everyone bursted into applaud.

“I’ll do it.” Said Cynthia McKinney. “Let me, please, I just got my hair done!”

The deal was done. Once again, the master had come through. Victory.

George Soros put on his raincoat and grabbed Hillary’s arm. Everyone starting piling out of the room, into the dark night---to the bars.

Bill and SunTuz were left alone.

“How about a drink Sun?” Said Bill.

“No, I cannot. I remember a saying that was told by one of your masters, “Keep your friends near but your enemies closer.” Actually, I think it was stolen from me, but I'm just getting too old to remember all that I've said. This cloning stuff is starting to wear me down. I did want to say I am pleased at your relations with President Bush.” Besides, I have to get to another meeting down the hall.”

The two old friends walked out together. The lights dim…

And in my mind at least, the art of war continues, and the fate of a great nation was brought down by a cell phone.

Nobody Knows; Just how anyone is going to find out exactly how long each and every one of the millions of illegal aliens have been in the country, in order to decide who is going to be allowed to stay, was not mentioned by our great leaders today. Probably they will come up with a question much like the ones asked when you check in your luggage at an airport---“Did you pack your own bag?” No, I have my dad is bin Laden's brother and my push-up bra is loaded with explosives."

So they will ask Jose, who just walked across the border…”How long have you been here?” “Oh, about 12 years.”

Our government working at all hours to protect us. Frankly, I miss John Ashcroft.

Nobody’s Perfect; This award goes to whomever did Cynthia McKinney’s hair.