Reasons For NOT Cloning Humans: High-Heel Shoes

Nobody’s Opinion; There are many liberals at the moment salivating about cloning and stem-cell research. They are absolutely giddy about the first duplication of a human. The rich and powerful are hoping they will be the first. I’m sure DNA has been taken of every dictator, senator, King, Queen, and United States President--- and is being stored somewhere in Switzerland’s vaulted deposit boxes for when the time comes. Maybe Bill and Hillary have already got doubles.

The way they been turning into conservatives lately, I’m beginning to think so. The real Bill and Hillary are in the Bahamas, waiting for the takeover.

But, we should rethink this cloning issue precisely because humans are most of the time, so incredible dim-witted and stupid about the simplest no-brainer issues, (not protecting our border being a good example) that despite our proclivity for endless religious wars, I give you another sample of a very absurd invention, that will facilitate any reasoning for NOT cloning ourselves.

The high-heel shoe.

It should have never been invented. Why would generation after generation want to torture, twist, and mangle a perfectly good set of feet? Just the fact that women keep buying high-heel shoes is reason enough to doubt the evolution of the brain.

Oh sure, it looks great. It makes the woman feel very sexy, because even if she is twenty pounds overweight, she will look thinner, the higher the heel. You walk in heels-- your hips sway side to side about ten inches more. You are Lady and the Tramp. And if you can dance in them…you are considered a woman to be desired, especially by someone like Bill O’Reilly, who was a disco King he says.

Environmentally speaking, the genetic mutation of woman standing on their heels half their lives might cause some pretty funky looking feet in the distant future.

Still, like the breast implant that you can’t take into space, after a year of wearing high heals, when you need to start walking in your later years, you won’t get too far because, well…let me quote this foot doctor;

“High-heels cause a neuroma, also called interdigital neuritis, resulting from compression of a plantar nerve or a bursa between two metatarsals. The resulting inflammation and fibrosis can diminish both nerve and vascular flow, resulting in a burning sensation that extends into the toes.” says Kim Christensen, DC, DACRB, CCSP.

I’ll drink to that. In fact, every time I get that burning sensation in my left foot, I could drink a double shot of anything you want to offer me.

I can be just driving the car, and I have to take off my tennis shoes just to put my foot on the gas. I admit it…I used to go dancing in the things---jumping up in the air like Michael Jordan. Some men would actually walk off the floor afraid of getting double spiked.

Like a cigarette smoker who quits, only to die of lung cancer ten years later, wearing high-heels to work every day leaves you paying the price in your later years.

Ah…but you say…I love shoes, especially if you’re a man with a shoe fetish. In that case you can to go the High-Heel shoe museum and enjoy.

Most woman have enough shoes in their closets, they would have to wear at least five pairs a day just to say they’ve worn them all once. Whole countries have been known to go into debt from their Queens having to have more shoes.

I remember seeing some rapper woman on MTV cribs (I think her name was Misty) who kept her high-heel tennis shoes in her Lamborghini bed trunk.

Some women get really downright silly.

A woman might fall flat on her face coming down the driveway to get in your car, but you men don’t seem care. In fact, for the sexes it does wonders, because a woman in high heels almost always has to hold on to something, and most of the time it’s the guys’ arm.

It’s nice. It’s romantic. But at the same time while your feeling like a real woman, your feet are absolutely killing you and you literally count the minutes till you can get home and take the damn things off. If you are at a party, you look for breaks to go to the bathroom and sneak a message.

Who started this heel nonsense? Some texts say it was Leonardo Davinci. (This fact for some reason, was left out of “The Code.”) Most will agree it was started by Catherine d’ Medici who wanted to be higher so she put herself on two inch platforms and called them chopines. Then it became a reason for the rich to show off that they were rich. Now, the rich will buy expensive cars to match their shoes.

The reasoning back then was the poor didn’t have shoes, but big, flat, dirty, ugly feet. So the rich decided to make their feet dainty to show that they didn’t have to get their feet dirty, they were superior.

The Chinese went so far as to bind their woman’s feet so they couldn’t run away. Then with mass production, high-heels came in to stay.

In the 1990’s, due to NIKE, and the fact that we were getting poorer by the paycheck and couldn’t afford to go out to eat anymore, we didn’t dress up, we didn’t need high-heels unless we lived in Las Vegas. (I am talking about the people who did not have any money to own stock.) You know…nobody’s.

I was beginning to think the fad would end. After all, the shoe industry in the United States was destroyed by our trade policies.

Most all shoes are made overseas now so they should be cheaper…notice I said should.
I still haven’t gotten over the shock of having to pay $130 for my five-year old son’s NIKE tennis shoes. And that was in the 1980s.’

But “Sex In the City,” it seems has made high-heel shoes very popular again. In fact, I was not too surprised to learn in last weeks’ Post-Dispatch that woman will pay up to $400 for a pair of Manolo Blahnik shoes.

See, I told you we were stupid. We will pay $400 dollars for a pair of shoes made overseas for maybe five? And instead of using the money for something more meaningful, we buy them anyway because the market demands you too. You are controlled by the television to want to look sexy, to be young.

Just like you are controlled into thinking that illegal immigrants should be citizens and we should continue to down our American standard of living and lose American sovereignty for this globalization stuff--- so the rich can get more rich and buy more hi-heel shoes, while the rest of us run around in Target’s two for one sale.

Well, it makes me feel better to know that some rich lady somewhere is driving her brand new red Porsche, and her feet hurt so bad, she has to take off her shoes.

And if I were rich, I would be wearing hi-heels too.

That’s my point. We are not ready to be cloned.


Nobody’s Perfect; The picture above an old picture of this nobody, taken sometime during the disco period when big hair was in. I use the picture for evidence of insanity. Well, the fact that the heels were NOT five-inches shows that I was not that crazy. I know they sell even seven inches, but I've never witness anyone being able to actually walk in them. Then again, some man reading this is having a memory right now...just how high were those heels?

Nobodys Knows; Today Howard Dean said that “Democrats should worry about the materialism of our country.” Gee, does this mean we should stop buying expensive shoes Dean? That would hurt the Chinese. That might hurt Tiger Woods. That might hurt the globalization plans. That would hurt sales tax collection. Are you materialistic Dean? God, I hate it when they bring out the Marxist stuff. Why don’t you just say…”Get used to being poor folks, there are babies in Sudan we need to feed!“

Nobody Cares; Some strange person paid $11.7 million for Andy Warhol’s version of a Campbell Soup Can picked up from a New Jersey Land fill. More proof that the human race should not be cloned.