The Spelling Test

Nobody’s Opinion; Once upon a time, in the grand land of the disappearing middle class known as Middle America, Mr. and Mrs. Smith lived with their daughter, Amy. (Her name has been changed of course, to protect her identity, but probably known by the FBI anyway through the Disneyland fingerprinting system.)

The year was 1992, and Mr. and Mrs. Smith (who looked nothing like Brad and Jolie) were just happily going about their happily daily struggles when their cute little third grader came home with her week’s spelling test.

“How’d you do on your test?” said the Momma Bear, Mrs. Smith.

“Great!” said little Amy, who skipped away to go and play with her little girl friends across the street, doing the things that little girls do, which is…hang around and be silly.

Momma Smith, being a mother of great curiosity, decided to go through Amy’s backpack, and it’s then that she found…the spelling test.

To say she was shocked is an understatement. Not only did Amy miss over twenty words on the test, she was given, by the teacher a 98% for her efforts.

Visions of little Amy working at the local strip bar, with dancing $10 dollar bills being stuck between scanty underwear came into Mrs. Smith’s numbing head.

“How could a teacher make such a gross mistake?” thought Mrs. Smith. How was her daughter going to grow up and be the Nobel prize winning scientist she envisioned if she went through life thinking that the word harder was spelled “hrder?” That the word head was spelled “hede” or that the word remember was spelled “Remder?”

Would she even remember why she went to school?

Mrs. Smith was outraged, because you see, unlike the other mothers in the neighborhood who would have ignored the fact that their child was going to grow up as ignorant as their pet turtle…the other mothers who would have been ecstatic that the teacher had obviously made a mistake in given the child an A, best not to say anything--- Mrs. Smith was not going to take this lying down.

And so, after an hour of ranting with Mr. Smith, they made an appointment to go and see the teacher.

Now, the teacher, a lovely woman, looked at the paper said, “Oh, its okay. You see, all the children did badly on that test. I realized that maybe they had forgotten a lot over the summer vacation, so I gave them all A’s. I just felt sorry for them.”

Mr. and Mrs. Smith agreed that the teacher was one of the kindest teachers they had ever met, but still, they believe she was a danger to the future of America.

So, they arranged to meet with the principal of the school…who at the time was being treated (by the taxpayers) to yearly trips to Washington D.C., to have dinner with Bill and Hillary Clinton in rewards for, of course, having such an outstanding school.

The principal, a woman dressed impeccably in a printed tent of humongous size, leaned back on her chair behind her big desk and said, “Oh, this teacher is very new. She will get the hang of it after a year or two. There is nothing wrong with this paper; she really is a wonderful teacher. You have nothing to worry about.”

Once again…Mr. and Mrs. Smith got out their shotguns and glocks and shot her dead. (Wait, that’s the movie!)...No, the real Mr. and Mrs. Smith went home, in complete disbelief that the head of the school stuck up for the incompetent teacher that was sending kids out into the world with lots of love, but completely stupid.

Considering what to do next---they headed for the top. This was serious. They made an appointment to meet with the Superintendent of the whole city school system (whose salary was over 250,000 a year, in 1992). Surely, being a man, he would come down on these women who did not care about the children learning how to spell.

The teachers would have to pay.

They even took little Amy along to see how justice can be done, and told her how important it was that she learned how to spell, and how it was up to the teacher to give her an honest grade, and the teacher was wrong in what she did.

The superintendent was nice also, his office was huge. Mr. and Mrs. Smith presented their case with calmness, and logic. They showed him the spelling test. Holding their breathes in anticipation, for surely a man would be just as appalled as they were, they waited for his wise decision of undeniable justice.

The superintendent leaned back on his comfy leather bound chair…looked at the paper and said….

Nothing. Not a word. He just shrugged. He could do nothing he said.

Daddy Bear Smith, Mamma Bear Smith and Baby Bear Smith, were speechless.

What did Mr. and Mrs. Smith do? Well, they didn’t have money to move, so little Amy stayed in school. She later went to live with her grandparents during the school year so she could get a better education in another district…but that was a public school too.

She did not go to college, she did not pass go. She now works in a bank as a teller. She is really good with numbers because Mamma Bear made sure she knew how to add and subtract at home. Mrs. Smith made sure she knew how to read, and she loves to do that.

But, like many of our children in America, she can’t write a complete sentence.

But then again, neither can some of the teachers.

Amy’s spelling test is above, and it is real. I’ll let you decide just how badly the school system needs to be overhauled.

Or do you feel like Mr. and Mrs. Smith did…helpless?

Nobody’s Perfect; Parents no longer have any say whatsoever in their public schools. President Bush has tried to do something, but the NEA is so powerful in our country, that no one can fix it. To his credit, he has tried. The next time you hear all the teachers complaining how unfair all these tests are, remember, the less your children know, the more likely it is they will be living with your forever.

Nobody Knows; Today in the news it was reported that China is completely erasing Mao and the effects of communism in their school history books. They are putting in Bill Gates, and JP Morgan.

When young students aren’t taught the difference between a republic, a democracy, socialism, and communism, then they end up completely ignorant and the rulers can sell them whatever system they want.

Nobody Cares; AND this is why the movement of getting California to vote on the “popular vote” and getting rid of the Electoral College will go through. Because in this country, they, at least in my time, have never taught the difference between a republic and a democracy…that’s why they can say China is a republic because it’s called “the republic of China.”

The main difference is that in China, the students actually know how to spell it.