Nobody's Absurdities, No. 24-Nobody Reasons To Be Scared

Nobody’s Opinion; Since its Halloween, I thought it was the perfect time to come up with the scariest things I could think of that would scare myself. And what a perfect time to use up my 24 reasons to be absurd.

So here, in random scariness---are my nightmares. I’m sure you have your own.

Please, keep them to yourself.

Let’s do the big “Holy-moly it’s really gonna happen!” first. The real Armageddon. Oh, I know---our politicians have not actually pointed out the fact that Russia is lining up with Iran and China, and Israel and the United States are already having tee-shirts printed with Magog, and GOG: The War-Game of History to be sold at all Wal-Marts soon. But it’s so obvious to the rest of us, ITS DRIVING US CRAZY! I’d rather face Freddie! It seems to this nobody we have enough anti-Christs already to kick start the whole thing. The thought of it all coming to fruition in my time, is almost so frightening, I won’t even think about it. I’m going to eat all the bubble-gum before the kids get here, they don’t need all that sugar.

Bill Clinton would run as Hillary’s running mate in 2008, just to piss everyone in the Rublican party off. Then, after she’s “elected,” she would have to appoint someone else in the position, and Bill would resign for “health” reasons and become Secretary of State. After all, anyone who would be Hillary’s running mate would have too much temptation to take over, probably by feeding her a poisoned cookie---Which is exactly what he probably plans to do.

All Americans, due to China’s rising middle class, will be given “gas rationing tickets” which would tell them how many miles they could drive, and just where they could drive to. (All cars will have a satellite tag to monitor so you couldn’t cheat.) If you put more “pollution” in the air than you’re allotted amount, you would be sent a heavy fine. They could call it the “ghoul” tax. All people would be subject to this tax but illegal immigrants, who, because they are not citizens wouldn’t have to worry about it.

Due to the fact that Bill Clinton has shown a proclivity for wanting to save the whole world by mandating what we eat and drink, soon all fast food will be changed to veggie burgers, and milkshakes will be “protein drinks.” Any American citizen over 200 pounds will be taxed for consuming food that could go to his poverty foundations.

Kim Jong il will finally get a nuke to hit Alaska, therefore saving the Congress from every having to turn down drilling for oil ever again.

Islam will become popular in all fifty states, and all woman will be forced to dress like Muslim woman in order to show respect for the religion. Along with this, all citizens will have to listen to some obnoxious horn that calls for them to pray. The result of this is that pornography will become the biggest industry exported and imported in the United States. (What…it already is?)

Half of the cable channels will very soon be in Spanish. Half of all road signs will be in Spanish. Half of all commercials will be in Spanish. All English speaking people will have to learn to order McDonalds in Spanish. I will say, “Biga Maca, no Cheesio” and I will get the salad with apples. The guy taking the order will say “I can’t understand you, speak Spanish!”

My son won’t have my grandchilden until he’s in his fifties, and by that time, I won’t hear them coming when they decide to run me off the sidewalk with their new battery-driven play hummers equipped with cell phones.

Soccer will become America’s favorite sport. Baseball, hockey, and football will only be played at nursing homes by x-sport hero’s with alzheimers, who will argue over the rules that have been forgotten. Chinese men/nurses will referee the games.

Within the year, the internet will be completely taken over by the government in order to “regulate” it. We will have to pay money for every site we visit, and fifty cents for every e-mail. Blogging will be considered spam, and fined. But cell-phones will still be updated so small that they will fit on your finger, and everyone will go around with their finger in their mouth. Bill Gates will still look sixteen in 2080, and will still be trying to cure disease.

Just about the time I get to remodeling my kitchen…sometime in 2030, a tornado will completely destroy the house.

They will rebuild New Orleans, and it will get hit by another storm bigger than Katrina. All the Hispanics will be bused to St. Louis, we will become the most dangerous city in the world.

Everyone will have to get a flu shot, and at exactly 65, half of the population will come down with some mysteries flu that will kill them off in two days. They will call it, “The Asian Flu.”

Marijuana will be legalized, and half of the x-generation will become so obese, they will not be allowed to drive. But they won’t care, because most of them will be supported by the government anyway.

Bill Clinton will become World Leader, and Al Gore will be his World Leader Vice President. A cloned Buddy will live in the new Red House.

Since our schools are failing so badly, soon only “affirmative action” programs will allow only special students chosen by lesbians to attend. The rest will be sent to some kind of school to get them ready for “service” jobs. Anyone that is found out to be exceptionally smart will be expelled.

Jeb Bush will become President in 2016, after eight years of Hillary, and John McCain will be Vice President. The first address will be given in Spanish, and every citizen over sixteen will have to do four years in the military. Jimmy Carter’s son will be made Secretary of Defense, which means all “citizens” too old for the military, will go to Iran to built houses in honor of his dad.

There is a HUGE airport runway that has been built by my house, it cost millions. And since American Airlines left, we only have two planes leaving a day. Nevertheless, they keep building on it. I have surmised that this is the great NAFTA superhighway runway: a landing port for huge cargo planes filled with Chinese’s goods, and Chinese military to go along with the NAFTA highway port in Kansas City. They just haven’t told us yet.

Tony Blair and George W. Bush will be prosecuted for war crimes against humanity, after the Democrats first impeach the President of course. Secretly though, they will go to underground bunkers, where they have exact replica’s of George W’s ranch and Tony’s island. (I have no idea is Tony has an island, but most of those Brits love the sun.)

Al Gore will become some kind of Pollution King to all nations, and every single thing, including the ads you receive in the mail, will be taxed for “global development.” Al will know if you’ve cheated because all trash cans and trash will be monitored with chips.

Dogs will be outlawed because they offend too many religions. It will become legal to eat them. Cats will be allowed though, but most people won’t be able to afford them. Rats will be the new “in” pet, encouraged by Rap artists as just the pet to get, so most kids will get rats for their birthdays. One in a while, a plague virus will be released, but many will die from overexposure to rap first.

Gloria Steinem will start an old lady porn magazine. Hugh Hefner will be in the centerfold.

Las Vegas will be destroyed by Al Quada, and Dubai will become the new Las Vegas, which seems to be the plan.

And last but also very scary, our current corrupt system of wealthy rich multinationals (corporations and politicians) continue to ruin our lives and destroy America, because they control everything. And our open borders will be our doom…the Vampires are out to get us, and our blood is getting cold.

Nobody’s Perfect; Well, heck; you didn’t want me to end on a good note did you? It’s Halloween! Don’t think about any of this, go out and really scare someone!

Nobody Knows; Just how really frightening it must be to be Mrs. Jimmy Carter and have to wake up to that puss every morning.

Nobody cares; I happened to think that Halloween was ruined years ago when that story about the kid getting poison in his candy scared every mother in the nation. Since that time, a systematic shutdown of kids going out to have fun has been in order, with the “happenings” in the malls and civic centers. So, this nobody thinks it was a planted story to scare everyone into getting off the streets on Halloween because the government did not want to police the people and kids.

This action has actually benefited many pockets of businessmen, because now people go crazy buying loads of lighted decorations to put up outside all over their houses---just begging for the little ones to come back. Halloween has become another full fledged Wal-Mart China explosion of junk to decorate you holiday up until Christmas.

It has been really sad around my neighborhood. Before that “event” I use to get over thirty kids, and every year, less and less. Last year, I counted…two.

I might just get ONE kid this year, but that kid is going to be scared… I need to do my part to prepare them for their real life scary future ahead.