Nobody's Absurdities, No. 52-State of a Sardonic Union

Nobody’s Knows: Try to make sense out of the news today. Go ahead, be my guest.

One person says one thing, and then in the very next sentence, contradicts themselves. Turn the channel, click the mouse--- you can find more absurdities in the daily news than fumbles on a football field in the course of a game.

It’s as if we are being bombarded daily with updates of a day given to you by your typical fifteen-year-old.

Anyone who believes a “Where were you?” answer from a fifteen-year-old knows what I’m talking about.

I’m trying not to take it seriously---I really am. Right now I wish I could top myself with a frozen chocolate cover, and go walking around Washington pretending I’m an ice cream cone. Maybe it would make more sense. (Okay, we won’t go there)

When I melted, I would at least be happily covered in my favorite sugar rush. I could pig out right in front of the White House, in trans-fat protest. Not to protest seems absurd.

So here in the order that it appeared to my mind are some of the news highlights of the day, which are probably not your highlights, but then again…that’s my point. Not all of us want to melt in the sun.

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You have by now heard about the guy who challenged NASA’s finding on global warming temperatures? It was reported by NASA that 1999 was the hottest year on Earth. They found this out by putting up their “temperature” measuring apparatuses’ on black tar, parking lots…you know, in the back of Buddy’s bar-be-que restaurant.

NASA's scientists learned this trick from their own fifteen-year-olds, who use the bedroom lamp for the fake thermometry readings to get out of school.

Well, when this guy challenged their findings, and NASA refused to give him information on how they were coming up with this stuff, another dumb thing to do.

Turns out, he did some research of his own, and the record is now corrected: 1934 was the hottest year on record. Along with other years in that era…long before the Hummer.

Oops....do you think Al Gore will redo his movie? Yeah, neither do I.

Now, if someone could just get the environmentalists off the backs of the guys who make those shields for the Shuttle that keep coming off…it seems the stuff they used to use is just not “environmentally” friendly. (Asbestos) God forbid any of that stuff should fall off and hit some temperature recording equipment, thereby getting a faulty Al Gore reading.

Better the Astronauts blow up on reentry than suffer asbestos exposure.

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Now that the SPP (Security and Prosperity Partnership) and the NAFTA (oh heck, forget that one) super highway have been exposed by many voices crying out at the secretive deal being made to join the three countries of Canada, Mexico, and the United States…the government officially denies any such thing as the White House trying to change the borders all by himself. Why…the Congress has been filled in on every detail!

And you are supposed to think that this means, no such thing is being done, because Congress would stop it if they knew.

(Canned laughter)

Right, that fifteen-year-old just told you he was over at his friend’s house all night, and he forgot to phone you.

What they don’t tell you is that everything now is done through the Department of Commerce…therefore no need for Congress approval, therefore, if Lockheed Martin wants to work alongside Hutchinson Wampoa, the Chinese. military “company” that took over the Panama Canal, and they want to put Radio screenings stations all up and down this NAFTA superhighway that will “never exist”, installed by the Chinese to track all and every single RFID chip item that goes up and down our country…

Congress will not care, having approved the whole thing. Their hands will be clean of the crime because the Chamber of Commerce is taking care of it.

Bill Clinton, genius that he is, used the Chamber of Commerce to give the Chinese the ability to send nukes into our cities…a topic that is never discussed at your local Chamber meetings I bet.

You have the love the absurdity of this SPP. Just whose security and prosperity is going to benefit the most from this NAFTA joining of the new slave labor the nobody's ask?

And since this is not happening…we should not care that the Amero is being designed as we speak.

It was also reported now that teachers who cannot speak Spanish are losing their jobs all over the United States.

All those teachers will lose their jobs to Spanish illegal immigrants, and they will STILL vote for democrats, and in true form to their own ignorance, will be happy when they get their first paycheck in Amero’s. Just like any other teenager.

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Ann Rice, a very famous author who made fortune writing about vampires, now works for Jesus and says she is voting for Hillary Clinton. She is pro-life.

Okay, nobody makes a bet she’s had an abortion and needs Jesus to forgive her. How else do you explain this absurdity? I’ve never read an Ann Rice book, and now I know it’s one less worry on my mind.

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And I especially like this one: Being dead now has it’s advantages. It was reported that 1.1 billion was paid out to dead farmers from the years 1999-2005 by the USDA. Ken Lay, Ted Turner, and David Rockefeller, are not dead yet, but they make lots from farm subsidies because the subsides are paid out by acre.

Just wait till they die!

Also, 40 million was giving out to people to NOT farm.

Add to this astounding fact, that the Indians are charging illegal’s immigrants, $50 dollars and up to become members of their tribe, telling the gullible immigrants that they will then be “legal” in this country, there is only one thing I can think of to do.

Write my local governor’s office, tell them I’m dead, that I was a farmer…but I did NOT farm my land for over 40 years, and now I am an official Seminole Indian, and I support my local chamber of commerce.

I need my back pay.

Send the check to Matilda Militia Warez. Make sure the check is chipped, and gets here before I melt. And they don’t even have to mail it along the NAFTA superhighway, since it will never exist. They can just send it along on a regular old run-down American highway, I don’t mind.

And hurry up, I may be dead, but I’m not stupid. Regular American dollars will be okay.