Nobody Puts-Off Scientology
Nobody’s Opinion: Some things in life I must admit, I just put off forever. Things like fixing the squeaks in the floorboards, transferring all two-hundred of my video tapes onto discs, and finally getting around to opening that “Perfect Abs” CD. But the one thing that I have been meaning to do since I was sixteen is finally read “Dianetics: The Modern Science of Mental Health” by L. Ron Hubbard.
I have a good reason for that. When I was sixteen I was just minding my own business walking downtown during my lunch break from work, when some really cute guy came up to me and said, “Have you got a minute? Want to take a test to see what kind of personality you have?”
Well, sure…when you’re sixteen and have nothing else on your mind but maybe having some good-looking guy ask you out because he finds out what a great personality you have you say, “Okay!”
Forty-five minutes later I walked out of the Knights of the Templar building steaming mad because they wouldn’t tell me the results of my test. Sorry. No can do.
Never.
Well, I trumped it up as a big waste of time, and forgot about it.
Yeah---I forgot about it, but they didn’t. For ten years after that---every single day, and I mean EVERY single day…I got some kind of flyer in the mail wanting me to “join” up. I tried to stop them. I called the Post Office. I begged them to stop. I thought about changing my name…it started to drive me crazy. I felt like I was being stalked by a bald-headed guru who wanted ten percent of my wardrobe, and my future children.
Someone somewhere was paying a lot of money to them for the printing costs of just my mail alone.
They finally gave up, thank God.
Thirty years later I got to thinking---hey, maybe I’ll make an appointment. After all, I never gave them a fair chance. I was curious, so I called them.
They wouldn’t even talk to me.
I guess with Tom Cruise and John Travolta paying your bills you don’t need nobodies anymore. So, I finally had to read the book.
And there are two things that I learned: No. 1---Scientology is not a religion. They just want to help people’s mental problems, but unlike psychiatry these people don’t care HOW you got messed up. They don’t care if you dad was a serial killer and you got beat up every day at school, they are just there to “clear" you.
L. Ron Hubbard came up with some nifty names for this process. An “auditor” sits with the messed up person in a room, and researches the person’s “engrams” (his painful memories) in order to “release” them all.
The goal is for a person to become so “clear” that he remains completely optimistic and unperturbed even if nuclear bombs are exploding all around him and the guy next to him evaporates.
Of course, getting to this perfection is not easy. So your auditor has to take you back to those horrible memories in your mother’s womb---remember those?
You don’t?
Yes, where every unborn child can speak English.
Never mind that most people can’t remember what they had for lunch yesterday and still don’t know how to speak English at age fifty---according to Scientology, we not only remember everything our mother ever ate, but everything she said and felt before we were born.
I don’t know how people can make fun of Jesus waking the dead when this stuff is floating around.
Anyway, Scientology believes a lot of damage is done in mom’s womb. And one of the most damaging of all things is…
Well, let’s just say if Dad and Mom decide to have some fun when Mom was pregnant, babies can suffer severe brain damage.
You gotta love this. It explains a lot.
The true reason the human race has come to this state of so many brain damaged humans is because of pre-natal sex.
Right at this very moment, billions of unborn baby brains are being banged around like underwater pogo sticks.
Where’s the injustice?
Who can we sue?
So, is Viagra being used right along side our educational system to dumb us all down so much, we won’t even vote anymore?
And how will I ever know how much brain damage was done to me while I was still in the womb from the wild fun nights of my parents, if the Center won’t call me back?
Oh yeah…No. 2: I did not-put off reading the Bible. I read that for the first time when I was about twenty. Good thing too.
Because I do plan on putting-off reading more of L. Ron’s books.
Hey, I can't help it if I'm brain damaged. And neither could Mr. Hubbard, who no doubt had fun loving parents too.
I have a good reason for that. When I was sixteen I was just minding my own business walking downtown during my lunch break from work, when some really cute guy came up to me and said, “Have you got a minute? Want to take a test to see what kind of personality you have?”
Well, sure…when you’re sixteen and have nothing else on your mind but maybe having some good-looking guy ask you out because he finds out what a great personality you have you say, “Okay!”
Forty-five minutes later I walked out of the Knights of the Templar building steaming mad because they wouldn’t tell me the results of my test. Sorry. No can do.
Never.
Well, I trumped it up as a big waste of time, and forgot about it.
Yeah---I forgot about it, but they didn’t. For ten years after that---every single day, and I mean EVERY single day…I got some kind of flyer in the mail wanting me to “join” up. I tried to stop them. I called the Post Office. I begged them to stop. I thought about changing my name…it started to drive me crazy. I felt like I was being stalked by a bald-headed guru who wanted ten percent of my wardrobe, and my future children.
Someone somewhere was paying a lot of money to them for the printing costs of just my mail alone.
They finally gave up, thank God.
Thirty years later I got to thinking---hey, maybe I’ll make an appointment. After all, I never gave them a fair chance. I was curious, so I called them.
They wouldn’t even talk to me.
I guess with Tom Cruise and John Travolta paying your bills you don’t need nobodies anymore. So, I finally had to read the book.
And there are two things that I learned: No. 1---Scientology is not a religion. They just want to help people’s mental problems, but unlike psychiatry these people don’t care HOW you got messed up. They don’t care if you dad was a serial killer and you got beat up every day at school, they are just there to “clear" you.
L. Ron Hubbard came up with some nifty names for this process. An “auditor” sits with the messed up person in a room, and researches the person’s “engrams” (his painful memories) in order to “release” them all.
The goal is for a person to become so “clear” that he remains completely optimistic and unperturbed even if nuclear bombs are exploding all around him and the guy next to him evaporates.
Of course, getting to this perfection is not easy. So your auditor has to take you back to those horrible memories in your mother’s womb---remember those?
You don’t?
Yes, where every unborn child can speak English.
Never mind that most people can’t remember what they had for lunch yesterday and still don’t know how to speak English at age fifty---according to Scientology, we not only remember everything our mother ever ate, but everything she said and felt before we were born.
I don’t know how people can make fun of Jesus waking the dead when this stuff is floating around.
Anyway, Scientology believes a lot of damage is done in mom’s womb. And one of the most damaging of all things is…
Well, let’s just say if Dad and Mom decide to have some fun when Mom was pregnant, babies can suffer severe brain damage.
You gotta love this. It explains a lot.
The true reason the human race has come to this state of so many brain damaged humans is because of pre-natal sex.
Right at this very moment, billions of unborn baby brains are being banged around like underwater pogo sticks.
Where’s the injustice?
Who can we sue?
So, is Viagra being used right along side our educational system to dumb us all down so much, we won’t even vote anymore?
And how will I ever know how much brain damage was done to me while I was still in the womb from the wild fun nights of my parents, if the Center won’t call me back?
Oh yeah…No. 2: I did not-put off reading the Bible. I read that for the first time when I was about twenty. Good thing too.
Because I do plan on putting-off reading more of L. Ron’s books.
Hey, I can't help it if I'm brain damaged. And neither could Mr. Hubbard, who no doubt had fun loving parents too.
Labels: life
posted by Joyanna Adams at 9:20 PM
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