Monday, July 14, 2008

Pancakes of Political Flippers: Arnold Schwarzenegger--King Flopper

Nobody’s Perfect: “Great minds think alike.” I don’t know who said that, but last weekend when I was listening to Arnold Schwarzenegger being interviewed by George Stephanopoulos (say that about five times real fast) there was a moment when Arnold spilled the beans.

It was one of those “I can’t believe he actually admitted it on camera!” moments. You know---one of those, “Is he really that stupid?” confessions; like when a bank robber brags about his crime because he just has to tell somebody how clever he has been…which is pretty much what Arnold did. He started bragging about how, during primaries, you run as something you’re not, then you move to the center to get more people, and then once in power, you can be a liberal or do just about anything you like.

Right there on camera, he admitted his own scam.

We all witness this every day. It just took the arrogance of a movie star who’s seen his own humongous head a little way too many times on the big screen to admit it. Still…I wondered if anyone in the media would call him on it, since George didn’t.

Sure enough, the great mind of Glenn Beck took the subject and ran with it today. It was all about flip-flopping.

You know, that pancake action taken by politicians when they run on a theme or agenda, just to get elected, then as soon as they get in power, they do a complete 180 turnaround? Sometimes they turn around so many times you wonder where their point of entrance actually was.

Flip-flopping is an art, and we have Olympians performing them daily on our newscast. And it’s my Nobody’s Opinion that the new “News Museum” across from the White House should be renamed, “The House of Flopping Political Pancakes.”

Flip em’ while their hot!

Arnold also told George that he thought flip-flopping was great. I’m not kidding---that’s the word he used. He said to George, “I vonce thought dis, now I think datend of story.”

End of story? What story?

It’s like, he was saying “So, I van as a conservative vepublican, because I new dat if I ran as a liberal I vouldn’t get elected. And you dthought I vas going to kom in like the Ter-min-a-tooor, and you believed I vust have been a real conservative to stand up to Ded Kennedy, and let you dhink that I’m the big man in the house because I married a Kennedy out of love…but I am a die-hard socialist, and I kom from Germany (actually Austria, but he loves Germany now because they lead in solar power) and took steroids and became big movie star and then bought ‘alf of Cal-le-forn-nia, And I told jew how much I loved this country, (which I will flip-flop on when I am President) and now I vill become the most powerful man in de vorld someday, because I know how to run---to de left, da center, and da vright! And I also vill become the new energy guide, and I alone vill lead the vorld into the new global energy products, because first and foremost, I have stock in solar, wind, and hybrid cars, and I vill become even richer than Bill Gates…and I vill transform the face of the earth with brand new energy technology, (Arnold is getting better at English) even if I have to burn up half of California every year just to prove it. And after Cal-le-forn-nia, I vill go to the moon and set up solar communities, and then vie vill go to put clean water on Mars…”


Wait, I’m getting ahead of myself here. First, Arnold has to become President, which as we all know by recent history, is a mere technicality.

So why is Arnold begging for a position in Obama’s cabinet, and at the same time endorsing McCain?

For the same reason that the Pope is endorsing global money…I mean warming.

Here’s a clue that he knows its all bull. He wouldn’t admit to George that global warming was causing the fires in California.

If Arnold ever becomes President, our American ways as we know it will be terminated. We will all be little extra’s in Arnold’s environmental sci-fi real-life movie. I don’t know about you, but I think Sylvester Stallone was trying to tell us something in “Demolition Man” when it was told that Arnold would become President. I’m putting salt right under light-bulbs on my list of items to save.

Arnold: An over sized brain filled with the residue of steroids floating around looking for a way to expand.

Someday, it’s going to explode.

Arnold may be lovable flip-flopping pancake--- but he’s turned out to be a real pain in.... pan.

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