Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Nobody's Perfect: Janet VS Umar




Nobody’s Perfect:This is a week where everyone in the country, is just so ecstatic that some idiot cannot seem to put his explosive underwear on right.

Yes, Umar Farouk Abulmutallab gets the Nobody’s Perfect award for today, and very happily too, I might add.


Good thing for us, that all of Abdul’s perfectly rich London education, and very cushy banker’s son’s life, did not give him the sense of a goat in heat---not to mention…he goes through all that trouble to drive a jihadist attack into the very heart of American capitalism, by detonating a bomb over.....wait for it...

Detroit?

Thankfully, some brave nobodies came to the rescue and tackled the guy before he could explode something besides his own butt.

What an Al-Qaidic mastermind! Anyone who has been to Detroit might say he’s a bit too late. Yes, destroying Detroit with a plane is definitely going to bring down capitalism.

Maybe he was aiming for those new electric cars.

Any good conspiracy theorist worth their salt would claim that if you happened to be a President frantically searching for a way to save his failing Presidency, a plane crashing into that lost city of Detroit could be an opportunity to jump-start his FDR stimulus programs for rebuilding infrastructure.

I mean, it took thirteen hurricanes before they finally hit New Orleans and those weather modification efforts really paid off! All those thousands of FEMA trailers sitting around in empty lots just waiting for disasters were put to use. (Bill Clinton was PREPARED!) And with great success I might add...not one trailer has been foreclosed.

We all know that conspiracy theorists are completely ludicrous. No elected or unelected public servant in our America would ever dream of sacrificing a few citizens just to obtain a more “controlling” objective…no, that would NEVER happen.

Forget I mention it...Come to think of it, that may be why our other Nobody’s Perfect contender for the week thinks tea partiers are a danger to America! We really can think up the most annoying conspiracies.

I am talking about none other than Janet (be afraid of veterans) Napolitano.

On Sunday, our Director of Homeland Security (Janet) claimed to some CNN reporter named Candy (whom, by the very sound of her name we can assume must have sent ol Janet’s lesbian libido’s hormonal balance out of all sense of logic) that the--- system worked.

Yes, it worked because…all products STILL went out on Christmas day!

Let that one sink in----All products.

She then added (as a second thought) that the people were once again safe, until she realized that to say the system worked was about just an idiotic thing to say, as not putting your explosive underwear on correctly.

She immediately came back and said her comment was taking completely out of context and that the system failed miserably.


And this nobody can tell you why.

A whole shipment of “Surfer Obama” rubber dolls did not reach their various American Mall destinations until after Christmas. (Nobody Makes this stuff Up, but there IS a Surfer Obama doll.)

And with a mistake like that…we can only expect perfection from MS Napolitano from on.


Let's all go play golf in Hawaii...



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1 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

This is taking 'equality' a shade too far. Everybody (including Nobody) knows that only women are devastating in their underpants.

:)

10:02 PM  

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