Friday, December 18, 2009

"She's" Got a Ticket to Ride...

Nobody Wins: As one of my favorite talk show hosts, George Noory on Coast to Coast am likes to say: Nothing is a coincidence.

And sometimes these coincidences point to a train wreck.

And therefore today’s topic: Trains, and three recent newsworthy notes pertaining to them.

First Train Wreck;

I’m sure the subject of trains are not being discussed very much in Copenhagen this week, what with all the private limo’s running around… but it’s no coincidence that the Queen made a very public appearance last week, thereby sending a message to her royal subjects that she is not below taking a public train, and she even paid for the tickets herself. (--which means of course that the British people gave her a ride.)

Unlike her snobby son, who took the royal plane to the Copenhagen summit, and the Prime minister, who rented a big royal plane to haul him and a whole bunch of global snobs… (Guess the prince and the prime minister just could not managed to hitch a ride with one another) the Queen mother, who has her very own Royal Train…, showed frugality by taken the local train to Sandingham, one of her many royal castles, for Christmas.


Well, we Americans can’t exactly complain about the Queen when we have a whole fleet of royal asses, now can we?

She booked a first class ticket, and any passengers who had tickets on that car, simply had to move…and give up their seats.

She opened Christmas cards to pass the time, no doubt from other queens and kings around the planet, all doing their part to show the “lower” classes how they want the masses to commute

The Queen, cute as a button in her peasant scarf, knows what’s coming.

Second Train Wreck:

Warren Buffet, just last week bought 3 railroad companies here in the United States, paying 4.4 billion. The United States has only seven existing. He knows the future will be moving not only vast amounts of cargo, but people. You see, trains are much more energy efficient than trucks. And since the United States basically was the great engine of the mass production of everything pertaining to trains…our old run down system is about to be rebuilt, at the expense of “jobs for Americans.”

Someone has to build those “new” rails, and I bet it’s not Warren.

Despite the fact that trains to most Americans, are out of the 19th century, with thoughts that the car WAS superior, and Jesse James was not a threat to your new Mustang…in the future, it is the plans of the globalization elites for America to be brought down to the same third world existence of China and India.

Therefore we need trains. I’m sure they will even have an Ayn Rand express.

People will find it very hard to afford more than one car, SUV’s will be too expensive, and therefore, taking the trains for the poor will be much more economical.

As Buffet’s friend Alan Greenspan recently said: there now are two economies, one for the rich, and one for the poor.

Why else is Warren buying into such venture? He knows what’s coming. Let's hope he remains in control of his trains, because we all know what happened when Atlas Shrugged off.

This brings me to the Third Train Wreck:

Now----How do you get the millions of American who love their cars used to traveling by train again?


Have you seen the new commercial for Channel No, Five? A sexy woman is on a train, and she sees a man on the train, and then the sex is practically oozing off the train, and then you see him just come up and kiss her neck right in the middle of the train depot.

It’s not Channel that’s turning him on…it’s the sheer sexiness of a train.

Come on, this is not a coincidence. Nobody buys Chanel No. Five anymore.

I must admit, trains can be fun. But at the moment it’s actually cheaper to take a plane from St. Louis to Chicago than a train. And once you GET to Chicago you have to rent a car. I have no idea how much the trains cost in Europe, but we have a lot more miles to cover here.

Look for Warren to buy into “National Car Rental.”

Buffet plans to make a nice profit off his trains. I can’t see the train ticket becoming cheaper, can you?

No offense to the Europeans. The trains work well over there, I hear. But here in America, face it. We love our freedom. We love to just get in our car…and drive anywhere.

If we want to sit on a train and socialized we’ll take the trams at Disneyworld.

The plan is to make America more like Europe, but we’re not Europe. Besides, what in the world are they going to do with all those fast food that dominate our highways?

Think of all the money they will lose on treating diabetes alone?

Put McDonalds on the trains… and then people can go back to those tiny little rooms on the trains and have sex, and pretend they are in the back seat of a Mustang.

Wait, how much is a room on a train, with a bed going to cost?

Group next.

(Nobody makes this stuff up.)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Dear Author !
Yes, you have truly told

10:44 PM  
Blogger Earl said...

Global warming caused some trains to breakdown in the Chunnel, some people stuck for about 12 hours.

Very little fun.

5:51 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...


2:48 PM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas is astonished: It is a sorry pass when Mrs Queen has to use a British Train. Poor old duck. A polly pinched her plane to swan off to Copenhagen and make an arse of himself with his mate King O'Barmy of Usa.

2:07 AM  

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