Headlines On Viagra Can Cause Confusion

Nobody’s Opinion; Last week, I read a headline in a major newspaper that said;
“American Soldier Murders Iraqis.” And if that wasn’t just about the stupidest headline in the world, today I read; “No Viagra Charges For Limbaugh."

If you take these headlines literally, then no soldier can kill--- it’s against the law. And
no man can carry or take the drug Viagra without being charged.

This of course makes me feel quite relieved that I never went to journalism school. Learning the fine art of saying things that have no basis in any reality would probably take me much too long to learn. Oxymoron 101 would have been a killer.

So when a soldier kills, when is it not considered murder? Does that mean that every soldier that killed in the past was actually a murderer?

I can just see the confusion on the battle field. “Hey, you murdered that man!”

“No sir, I killed that man!”

This could take some time in the courts.

As for Viagra--- for awhile on our television sets, just about every other second we saw those ridiculous commercials with Viagra-fifties “Bob” and his big grin…which told everyone what a happy stud he was. Because my cousin and his wife swear by the stuff, I am just assuming that Viagra is still legal, despite the fact that Rush Limbaugh has not been charged with the crime of having it on him.

Boy was I glad when they killed off “Bob.” He was really getting on my nerves. He died somewhere in an orgasmic pile of secretaries, and none too soon.

Evidently the “Bob” commercials were pulled because people were actually dying from Viagra in real life, which probably caused a few problems for open caskets.

This stuff is getting really confusing. I was having trouble during the Clinton years when he decided to promote the “hate” crimes. It seemed then, if a homosexual or a black person was killed by a white, it was a “hate” crime. But if a black man killed a white man or a black man, it was not considered a “hate” crime.

Jeffery Dalmer, a blatant homosexual, the man who ate his pickups by this reasoning…did not commit “hate” crimes. Actually they were crimes of “love” since he just couldn’t bear parting with the guys he picked up--- so he cut them up and ate them. The headline should have read:

Jeffery Dalmer, Full of Love.

But getting back to Rush---What’s so funny is that drugs in America have been a major problem since the United States was flooded with them during the 1960’s. Every baby- boomer who went through the sixties is now watching to see if their teenagers want to play disc-golf every day of the week, and have trouble talking. While millions of drug runners are crossing the border, selling in all our neighborhoods…funding al-Qaida terrorists, Columbian drug lords, and who knows how many addicted Americans, the biggest drug concern at the moment is whether Rush Limbaugh’s one missing Viagra pill should cause a National concern.

Speaking of drugs, today I got a call about “drugs” from some guy who said he was working for the state and was “thankful” for my concern about the terrible drug problem in Missouri. Since I had never talked to the man before, I don’t know where he got the idea that I was concerned.

This man said that if I would just give $300.00 or $150.00 he said it would help clean Missouri of our drug problems.

“Why should I think that the government will solve the problems of drugs when my local sheriff said on the radio that he thought cigarettes were actually worse for you than a joint?” I said. “And why is it that Missouri is the biggest seller of meth? And hey, just what is meth?” I asked.

This guy proceeded to tell me so much about meth that I’m just thankful that it wasn’t the effects of Viagra that I had asked about. If he had gotten off a plane in Miami, I would have arrested him. But of course, meth is probably as common as coffee in Miami.

In reality, if this guy had been searched by the same agents in Miami as Rush had, we would have never even seen a headline. These very same agents that harassed Rush would have asked this guy what was in his pill box, and he would have said “Viagra,” and they would have laughed and let him go…because his name was not Rush Limbaugh, which brings me to this point.

Are these confusing headlines just saved for things that all liberals want to see demolished from the planet? Like Rush Limbaugh and soldiers?

Could it be that these headlines are to make us feel that all soldiers are actually murderers (when they are not) and Rush committed a crime? (when he did not)

I think the headlines should read, “Liberal Media Is Not Confused, Only Misleading.”

Hey, I think I’m getting the hang of it.

The mistake Rush really made was telling the Customs agents that he got his golf balls and cuff links from President Bush. If he had said Bill Clinton, there would have been no headlines today.

Nobody’s Perfect; Not even Rush.

Nobody’s Knows; Last week, we were lead to believe that if North Korea fired just one missile they would be in deep doo-doo. So they fired seven! Nothing happens and they find out that we were bluffing. Ha! Take that! I’m confused once again, our Republican administration was putting out this headlines. Which means….

Nobody Cares:---if headlines are truthful or not, as long as they are catchy!