Ted's Barbeque...

Nobody Flashes Anymore!

Ted Turner, that lovable man who started CNN, and therefore the reason you can see Hillary on your television at three in the morning.

...was on Charlie Rose when he announced that soon, because there are just too many nasty people on the poor planet causing global warming, he will have to change his money-making empire...

Yes, his buffalo will have to go. He has found a much more lucretive future...and is already making big plans on his STATE...you know, that state that he owns half of...that state that my poor mind doesn't want to look up at the moment due to the fact that by now, I know he probably owns that state and the one next to him...thereby making me so mad about one man owning so much land that I want to...

Wait. I can't say that.

Anyway...Ted is already prepared his ranch.

He announced that cannabalism will make a big comeback, and he is ready.

Yes, Ted has gotten so much experience in marketing buffalo burgers from his vast lands in the West...that he now has the best chefs in the world, working on the best barbeque "human" burgers this side of the Mississippi...for the upcoming crisis.

On the menu: Breakfast...sunny-side gonards, served with scrambled brains a-la-cart.

For Lunch: Half-slab of thigh, served with Ted's special "Jane's" slaw, consisting of shredded skin, mixed with tasty fingernails and heartachokes.

Dinner will include a nice side of human-beef, taken from the finest cut of loin, spread with a nice Giantti....

Wait--- that's a movie.

Whatever happens to us in the future, you can bet good ol' Ted Turner will make a lot of money out of it. And Charlie Rose, will be an regular customer.

Ted Turner flashes just a little too much for this nobody's taste.