If Polar Bears Could Talk

Nobody Reports on Polar Bears:

Last night, the FBI recorded, via NSA satallite, an actual conversation between polar bears in Minnesota;

Lounging Bear: Hey, Jerry...what's going on down there?

Jerry: (Bear standing next to lounging bear, Bob) I don't know...looks like that guy is having a hard time lifting that shovel. You'd think they'd have more sense. It's all just going to melt in a few days. They practically kill themselves moving it all around. What's the point?

Bob: Yeah, people are a riot. Half the stuff they do makes no sense to me. Hey---did you see what they're doing down in the South Pole?

Jerry: No

Bob: Some of these guys got a HUGE lazer and cut a big wade of ice off the South Pole, just to scare everyone into thinking that the South Pole is losing ice, and the world is going to drown in water! (Bear laughter ) Actually, the South Pole has been gaining ice for years. You gotta hand it to them. They sure can cut a straight line. Hell, I have a hard time walking in one.

Hey Matt: (Bear behind Jerry and Bob) Get me a beer, will ya?

Matt: Get yourself a beer.

Bob: Come on Matt. I got you McDonald's yesterday.

Matt: And I'm suppose to be grateful? Hey, I was up all night watching the raccoons.

Jerry: So...do you think we are pushing it hanging around in this guy's driveway every day?

Bob: Naw, they think we are extinct. We can do just about anything we want. In fact, I've been thinking about investing in some stock.

Matt: What's that?

Bob: Well, I heard on this guy's TV that some company called Bears is being helped out...and I think we should get more help too. After all, these people have couches to sit on. We could use a few nice soft pillows, and stocks full of nice fresh fish. So, you invest in stock and you get stocks...I am getting pretty tired of hanging out at the North Pole chasing fish. Why shouldn't we get in on some of the action?

Matt: I don't see no action.

Jerry: You wouldn't---it's your mother's fault you're not my brother.

Matt; Why do you always pick on my mother?

Bob: Because he has the hots for your sister.

Jerry: By the way...where is your sister?

Matt: She's up North trying to get on TV with Al Gore.

Jerry: Ah...that idiot. She's is libel to get herself killed just for a photo-op. Well, I wish she was here. It's getting pretty boring watching these people shovel snow. Maybe we should move south.

Bob: Nah, the food is nasty. At least here I can watch TV. Well, what do you think...should we stay a little longer?

Jerry: Yeah, five squid that the old lady across the street falls down on the ice and breaks her hip again...

Bob: You're on.

Matt; You guys are sick. I'm going back to sleep. Hey, Jerry.

Jerry: Yeah

Matt: Sing me that "Coke" song again...

Jerry: Pay me.