Sunday, June 01, 2008

Puerto Rico---Where's the Coin?


Photo: Lost American gets directions to Puerto Rico...
Nobody’s Opinion: You’re never too old to learn…who said that? I don’t know, but if there is one thing you can say about the United States it’s if you don’t like the political weather today, stick around, it will change. You learn at least that.

And one new thing that is coming as a big surprise to me during this unprecedented thousand-year election is that somehow, out of nowhere, the United States has gained a new “state”: Puerto Rico. Yes, Puerto Rico has become a very powerful player in the American elections…who knew?

I certainly find it surprising. Puerto Rico has been “owned” by the U.S. since1917….but they kept that a big secret. Back in 1898, Spain gave Puerto Rico, Cuba, the Philippines, and Guan to the U.S. in the Treaty of Paris. (So why again did we lose Cuba? Anyone?)

Once, when the Puerto Ricans tried to become independent of the U.S., the leader was thrown in jail by Harry Truman---a jail in Atlanta, poor guy.

Still, the Puerto Ricans were good American citizens; they make very good soldiers and New York dish washers. In fact, there are more Puerto Ricans here in the United States than there are in Puerto Rico, and there is a good reason for that.

They also make good test rats.

Not many people know that back in the 1930’s, it was decided by our government (probably by someone in Al Gore’s family) that the Puerto Rican women were just having too many babies. So they sterilized them. Of course, the women did not realize they were being sterilized.

Like I said, you’re never too old to worry about population control, if you’re a rat.

I was never taught in any public school that I attended that Puerto Rico’s people were American citizens, were you? What, was I daydreaming that day?

In fact geography is pretty much a condemned subject in public schools. When I was growing up, Puerto Rico was never mentioned. It was never mentioned to my son either---on the other hand, he drew more pictures and made more maps of Africa then any country on the planet.

He was told Africa is very poor. He was never told the trillions of U.S. dollars that have been given to Africa over the years. In fact, as much money as we send there, we should own it.

No, the teachers said Puerto Rico was basically just another poor country somewhere in the ocean, that’s all you need to know, and we the teachers know what you need to know, which is about as much as we know, which is just about…not much.

Today, Geraldo, the poster boy for the Spanish Invasion, was down in Puerto Rico interviewing two politicians for FOX after their democratic primaries.

What was striking is how very well dressed all these men were, you could almost smell the Drakkar dripping off the set. Obviously the warm, balmy, ocean breeze was filling them with Latin desire; one man was so drunk with the mood of the island he had obviously taken some kind of Hillary aphrodisiac.

Hillary’s slipping them into the Mai-Tai’s.

Hillary won overwhelmingly in the primaries in Puerto Rico, therefore according to this guy, she could win the Latino vote more easily than Obama, because as Geraldo the magician pointed out, the blacks and Latinos don’t get along…which is true. The Democrats, who love to divide and conquer, are now fighting over all the groups they’ve divided and conquered.

That’s kind of fun to watch, but still---what kind of country owns another county, makes it people full citizens, but doesn’t let them vote for it’s President? The people from Puerto Rico can fight in our wars, but they don’t get to vote for our President?

I love it.

Where they saving it for a rainy day? Or a place for pharmaceutical companies to get cheap labor and avoid taxes?

Okay, Puerto Rico is not a state, we stopped that state nonsense long ago…it’s much better to own “unincorporated territory” because states are demanding things. When you’re “unincorporated” you’ve got a good loophole for most anything.

And right now, at this moment in time, “unincorporated” Puerto Rico has more clout and power than the voters of Michigan or Florida. They don’t need to vote in the election.

And even though they closed all 1,536 public schools down in 2006…if Hillary wins because of Puerto Rico’s votes, I’m sure she will grant Puerto Rico full statehood, new schools, universal heatlh care, and a place on the backside of her new gold Amero.

What's another coin?

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