Sunday, June 28, 2009

MIchael Just Got "Beat"





Nobody’s Opinion: First off, let me unwillingly admit---I watched Michael Jackson’s old video’s on MTV all day, because face it, the music scene from the last decade…stinks. And as much as Michael’s disappearing nose got creepier and creepier with each progressing video---.it was far less scary than seeing Nancy Pelosi scream again and again: “Jobs, Jobs, Jobs, Jobs!” on the floor of Congress.

She couldn’t remember the four horsemen of the Apocalypse so she said the only thing she could think of.

No…Nancy’s face is much scarier

We have been SOOOOOO tortured by our politicians lately that even an old MTV visit from the past is like getting off the water-board.

I must admit, watching those video’s brought back some fine memories…back when jobs were so plentiful that you could actually make money as a…not so famous musician, as I did. I worked in bands (I was a drummer) and played in local clubs where most of the people who would come to the bars to hear music wanted their favorite songs played, and many a time it was Michael Jackson that they wanted to hear. I was in a lot of “Top 40” bands, and Michael was more often than not, at the top of the forty. And because I was a girl, and could sing high, getting hired was easy. NONE of the boys wanted to try to sing him.

Guitar player, “I’m not going to sing him.”
Bass player: “Well, I can’t sing that high.” (Which was a blatant lie.)
Keyboard player: “I refuse…it’s up to you Joy”

Joyanna, “You can’t be serious.”

Singing, “Got to be Starting Something” while playing that complicated drum beat and making all those (Hee…Heee…Heeeee, gasp, Upoppp…) sounds at the same time, is one of my greatest achievements. I bet even Michael Jackson himself would have had a hard time doing that.

In fact, I’m sure that Michael Jackson would never have even attempted it, which shows that underneath that “I’m Peter Pan” exterior was a ruthless business man.

So said Elizabeth Taylor.

Sooooo…how ruthless was he? Was he ruthless enough to fake his own death for money? Is he going to go live out his days as the concubine of some Saudi Prince in Dubai?

HA! Got ya!

It’s okay…I’m not going to suggest that Michael would do such a thing…( I already did one conspiracy theory this week, thank you very much.) because I believe my 85-year-old neighbor could have beat up Michael’s on one of his good days, which he didn’t appear to have many of…

It’s a wonder he lived this long.

I did notice something new today. Most of Michael’s best videos had one thing in common: They were all different versions of the Sharks and the Jets from West Side Story, gang fights in the ghetto…with the message: don’t fight. But, sing to the girl, and grab your crotch so everyone will think you’re really not gay. And although everyone in the world knew Michael was gay, no one dared say that he wasn’t.

Because Michael was trying soooo hard to pretend he wasn't.

Remember when Michael kissed Liza Presley on MTV and said, “And they said it wouldn’t last.” (And it didn’t.) That was the most…revealing kiss in all television history. If you didn’t think Michael was gay before, you knew it then.

He kissed her like she had…a big case of Country Music Ebola. I use to think he was after her money, but after seeing that kiss again, I now think it might have been the other way around.

And while watching a bit of the BET’s awards and tribute to Michael Jackson tonight, the proof of the horrible state of black music right now was embarrassingly evident. I’m sorry---putting on your underwear and reading a rap verse, does NOT a musician make, and I don’t consider rap artists, musicians. They don’t sing, and most of them look ridiculous when they dance. The guy who invented the drum machine should get their royalties.

Michael Jackson may not have been a musician, but he could sing and dance, and he was an excellent entertainer, and so, Michael’s fans are going to have a hard time letting go.

You know what’s coming…just wait. The rumors---

A rumor like---Michael faked his own death, to get out of the embarrassment that he couldn’t sing anymore. And he was so smart; the best way to get out of his massive dept was to die, in order to raise billions more for his “estate.”

And the longer they can keep his image “alive” the more money they will make.

Remember Elvis? When Elvis died, too many fans just couldn’t bear the thought. Elvis didn’t die they said, he couldn’t have…he is somewhere just living out his life, and driving through hamburger stands.

Let’s face it: If Elvis was going to fake his death, the last thing he would want is anyone to picture is him dying of an overdose, sitting on his toilet.

Elvis not only is dead, the buildings don’t even remember his name. Give the History Channel a few months and they will have a special on called: “Life after Elvis Presley and Michael Jackson.”
Michael’s Graceland is already being planned and the money is already pouring in.
The family is going to cash in…finally.

Today, we witnessed Michael Jackson’s father: his first words were all about how Michael was going to be more famous now then he ever was…so go out and buy anything you can because…we have his kids.

Joe will be shameless.

Jesse James mother did much the same thing after Jesse's death. She sold “fake’ rocks off of Jesse’s gravesite and made a nice living.

Greed…I actually think Michael was right in one thing, his father was ruthless. He proved it today.

So...if you DO happen to see Michael on some desert island, living as a woman with a good looking construction worker…

Don’t tell anyone, just go home and watch MTV…I’m sure they will be playing MJ’s video’s until doomsday.

And as I don’t have to tell you, is coming soon.

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