Saturday, November 28, 2009

Nobody Got E-Mail 100 Years Ago

Nobody Gets E-Mail---100 Years ago...Obama was just a thought in his mother's Burke
Hey, we all survived black Friday right?
As you might guess, I'm the last person you would find standing in line for over 4 hours just to get $25.00 off a microwave.
Of course they SAY there are sales, but... they lie. You know they do. It's almost become a national addiction....lying, and shopping. So thank god for beer.
Anyway, I had the BEST thanksgiving,(I learned there was such a thing as Polar Bear Crack from a 7- year old, bet you didn't know that.) So this week, I'm posting one of those common e-mails that everyone gets, and just for fun, added my own "opinions" in red...
________________________________________

Show this to your children and/or grandchildren
That is, if Al Gore lets you.
1909 FORD Model R
My grandmother had one! Really!

THE YEAR 1909

The year is 1909.�
One hundred years ago.�
What a difference a century makes!�
Here are some statistics for the Year 1909 :
************ ********* ********* ******

The average life expectancy was� 47�years.
Life expectancy in 2009? Whatever they decide, which if left up to them would be right around nine weeks.
Only 14 percent of the homes had a bathtub.
Only 14 percent of humans use them now, so not much of a difference.
Only 8 percent of the homes had a telephone.
Tell that to your daughter when she doesn't get the latest I-phone.
"When I was your age, we walked to the phone!!"
There were only 8,000 cars and only 144 miles
Of paved roads.
Give us just ten years, and we'll be right back there.

The maximum speed limit in most cities was 10 mph.
We don't even drive in the cities now, for fear of being shot.

The tallest structure in the world was the Eiffel Tower!
The tallest structure in the world is now in Dubai, and no thanks due to George Bush, (why of course, you have to blame somebody) it will never be finished. But hey, that's at least taller than the "not ever built" World Trade Center.

The average wage in 1909 was 22 cents per hour.
Which is what most Americans will be making after taxes in 2011.

The average worker made between $200 and $400 per year .
Show-offs.
A competent accountant could expect to earn $2000 per year,
Now, a dishonest accountant can expect to make 347 million per year. Finally, improvement.

A dentist $2,500 per year, a veterinarian between $1,500 and $4,000 per year, and a mechanical engineer about $5,000 per year.
Dentist make $2,500 every time they say the words "open."
My Vet makes enough to buy sponsor his own elephant herd in Kenya, and I suspect that's exactly what he does.
And the positions of mechanical engineer no longer exists in the U.S. They all live in Sing-a-pore and drive yellow vipers.

More than 95 percent of all births took place at HOME.
What a mess!
On the other hand, we will be getting back to that noble tradition soon. Our government is training Mexican women as we speak to come into the United States and deliver their own babies at home, so that they can grow up to work for ACORN! Saving all of us taxpayers from having to pay any doctors!

Ninety percent of all doctors had NO COLLEGE EDUCATION!
Instead, they attended so-called medical schools, many of which
Were condemned in the press AND the government as 'substandard. '
And nobody ever got sick. Now they just look at you...and give you a pill, which kills you quicker. The government had already started on getting that Universal Health Care passed, back then. It took them a 100 years, but it looks like it's finally coming...let's hope India really likes us.

Sugar cost four cents a pound.
Which means, we don't get enough sugar, because everyone was thinner then. Pass the pie.

Eggs were fourteen cents a dozen.
Now their fourteen cents an egg.

Coffee was fifteen cents a pound.
So, what was the price of cocaine?

Most women only washed their hair once a month, and used
Borax or egg yolks for shampoo.
Now, we have dreadlocks covered in gook, and you can go for at least three months without washing...an improvement.
I once washed my hair in beer...it works pretty good.

Canada passed a law that prohibited poor people from
Entering into their country for any reason.
Now, I am getting sick. Yes, let's just kick out the poor, and save ourselves some money on our taxes. Let's send them to Canada.

Five leading causes of death were:
1. Pneumonia and influenza
2. Tuberculosis
3. Diarrhea
4. Heart disease
5. Stroke
Now, it's food poisoning, from China, and the upcoming new U.H.C. (Universal Health Capers)

The American flag had 45 stars.
According to Obama, we now have 57 stars...it's looking up.

The population of Las Vegas, Nevada, was only 30!
This is a lie. There were at least 31, counting Frank Sinatra.

Crossword puzzles, canned beer, and ice tea
Hadn't been invented yet.
Neither had the New York Times, Taco Bell, and Diet Coke...which explains the dumbing down of the entire nation.

There was no Mother's Day or Father's Day.
BUT, there was a George Washington Day, and you didn't have to buy him a present.

Two out of every 10 adults couldn't read or write.
Only 6 percent of all Americans had graduated from high school.
Okay, tell me how this has changed?

Marijuana, heroin, and morphine were all available over the counter at the local corner drugstores. Back then pharmacists said, " Heroin clears the complexion, gives buoyancy to the mind,
regulates the stomach and bowels and is, in fact, a perfect guardian of health.
( Shocking? ) No.
Well, we...foolish nation...will soon the the Utopia of George Soros' wet dream...a nation where all marijuana is sold over the counter, morphine will be administered on request, and heroin, will be given to hyperactive kids in school.
This will also mean that they will have to outlaw guns, due to too many stoned people getting mad when they don't get their governmental drugs...on time.
Eighteen percent of households had at least
One full-time servant or domestic help.
This one is true...once upon a time, even the middle classes could afford household help. My middle-class grandmother always had an Irish maid..and then they came along with liberating women...they had the peachy idea that women should not only do their own housework, but do a full day's real work at the same time! Thanks Gloria.

There were about 230 reported murders in the ENTIRE U.S.A.!
Now, there are that many on a Saturday night in Chicago. Don't worry, they put a serial killer on TV to help us get those numbers up.

Try to imagine what it may be like in another 100 years.
In another hundred years, we will, according to the latest reports...be chipped, live in energy efficient homes where we will work for the government, and watch big screen 3-D T.V.s most of the day. We will have camera's in our TV to make sure we are doing our morning exercises, and eating right. George Orwell, will be double speaking commands, and we will have a Global "President" and a global army, and no one will be allowed to reproduce, unless they go to Harvard.
If we get out of line, we will be forced to wear ankle bracelets, and listen to old reruns of Bill Clinton, Hillary Clinton, Barack Obama, and Rosanne.
Nevertheless, we will still be allowed to watch reruns of the Three Stooges on holidays.
IT STAGGERS THE MIND

Yes...my mind was staggerd just thinking about why they failed to mention, that NOBODY had to take up half their day, getting through their e-mail box.
And soon, it will cost you the price of a stamp just to send one. That's one prediction you know will come true. You can bet on that one.
100 years from now, your e-mail will cost you a small fortune. So, think about that next time you read YOUR favortie e-mail.

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2 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

A Global President, eh? Well thank goodness America will have disappeared by then or we just might have Obama the 10th.

So, whose turn will it be? Brazil? Just think, it could have been a Tasmanian just a while ago!!

1:51 AM  
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6:12 PM  

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