Sunday, February 28, 2010

The Gold Goes to ....NOBODY!

Nobody's Opinion:
Wow...nothing like starting back up writing...trying to get back into the "seat" of daily musings, right under a Stephen King full moon...but, better than never I'd say.
Some time in the year 2014, when I turn on my 3-D TV, (I dream) and the Moscow Olympics are being held in Russia, and more than likely...Communism will be the new and latest political "survival" kit being kicked into global gear...I will think back and try to remember just what was I doing during the LAST Winter Olympics, and I will remember...
Oh yeah...that was the month that there were Giant Beavers and Moose being floated around the ice under the dome in Vancouver, while giant Las Vegas girls with red hair...were floated up high in the top of the tent pretending to be very sexy--- Maple Leafs!
If that doesn't make you want to visit Canada, I don't know what will! Giant beavers and floating Maple Leaves full of beautiful women!
My lasting thoughts of this year's winter games will be that Canada wants us to think that all they have in Canada is Canadian Mounties, shortages of condoms, lots of white people who like play hockey, and a deep impression of William Shatner making love in a canoe.
If Canada had NOT won the final Ice Hockey Game, the earth as we know it, would have ceased to exist.
I will also remember how amazing it was, that with nothing but images of mostly white people gathered to compete in the Winter sports...not one person cried "raciest white people!"
It was also the month that, while nude people stood around in Sydney, Australia, and were told to hold hands, the straight people didn't want to hold the hand of the nude gay person next to them...which of course drove the artist crazy,( so he says)...but I think it was just a ploy to make all those people stand out in the buff for longer than twenty minutes so that he could get a REALLY good look at all the babes.
Yes, that guy (the photographer) should get a gold metal for "the most imaginative way to get women to take their clothes off!" My friend amfortas, was no doubt In Sydney that day, if not participating...enjoying. I bet he walked for...miles....
It was also a most frustrating month that I traded in FOUR computers within a three week period, due to the fact that BEST BUY got a bad batch of computers...sort of like...bad batch of dog food.
What can you do? It's a full moon.
Al Gore also declared that it was the warmest month on record, even though while most of the world as we know it, was under fifteen feet of heavy snow. Al declared that the earth was warm...leaving out that pesky little fact that in order for snow to STAY on the ground, you need VERY cold temperatures..he just insists that all that moisture from warm oceans is causing the snow... and therefore, those of use who ignore his facts, are...criminals.
I don't think he has enough jails to hold us all, do you?
Just a few days ago, in this month of February, I watched a whole day's worth of weather terror, thrown out in a minute-to-minute update of weather absurdities.....that Hawaii was going to be smashed under a terrible tsunami.. right after Chile's earthquake....and every channel was tuned to capture the devastating blow...only to finally report a wave no bigger than the one I make in my bathtub when I get out of it.
Obama even made a looooog walk out of the White House down to the end of the driveway and announced, "We're ready for it."
Yeah...sure we are.
Obama, (please don't make me call him can't make me. Nobody named OBAMA should be called the President of the United leave me alone)
Anyway, King Obama Hussein held a ridiculous Marathon on Health Care one cozy afternoon in order to show that he is the King, and he will listen to us, but he won the election so #&$*# you all.
All the while this went on, you could tell someone was prompting him what to say in a very well hidden ear phone, because he would listen...and then talk---and mention things like Wal-Mart, and the fact that John McCain lost the election, almost in that order.
Speaking of John McCain, he has introduced a bill to go after all those vitamins and supplements we all depend upon to survive the heavenly fast food that makes us all sick because most fast food has the nutritional value of a basketball doused with mayonnaise---therefore, we need to get our vitamins from other sources.
Thanks once again're so handy to the "cause." ---whatever that is.
Even scarier than an Olympics in Moscow is when I noticed that NOBODY reported about the fact that for the FIRST time in AMERICAN Television history, a simulation of a CYBER attack on the United States was broad casted on CNN for all the world to see...with a whole slew of very REAL, not actors, but REAL top cabinet and Washingtonian goons...basically saying if hit with an attack, the world as we know it would cease to exist.
Much like Canada losing the hockey game.
Their solution? More power...of course. Or more hockey.
Okay. Maybe in four years I'll be to old to remember all this crap. But, there is one thing I most certainly will remember.
Tyler's loves me.
Who's Tyler?
Tyler came over last night. He is the five-year-old child of my son's girlfriend at the moment.
And he and his little three-year-old sister came to my house for the first time.
You see, Tyler is just one of the many kids in this world who's parents are divorced, and the kids are ripped away from their fathers, and their old rooms are changed, and they travel from one house to another, and they are ....lost.
When they come to MY house...they feel "found." Why?
Simple. I play with them! And I have fun doing it!
So, out of nowhere, Tyler was walking into a bedroom full of kids toys and bunkbed, (Okay, I have a room just waiting for grandchildren...I admit...sneaky.) as he was walking down my hall...he stopped, and asked me..."Are we family now?"
Well what in the world am I going to say to this young man--- who I know is hurting so badly inside some idiot doctor has put him on drugs.
"Well, of course we are family!" I said
And then he said, at the top of his lungs..."I LOVE YOU!"
"I love you too!Give me A BIG hug!"
And the memory of that sweet hug I will take with me to Moscow. It was a gold metal night.
Well, I may have not won a gold metal in computing...but I have an Olympic memory of playing with two adorable kids, who reminding me just how much joy there is when you see life through a child's eyes.
And yes, I'm back...(until the next crash.)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

I knew it. I bet the cold turkey on Canada winning the Gold at hockey, just so your computer would work. And it does. It was all worth it.


I was actually rooting for Canada anyway simply because.... well, they aren't Americans for a start - not that there is anything wrong with being American apart from being Gloria Steinham or Nancy Pelosi or Andrea Dworkin... - and there seems to be a lot of Scottish folk there (I like the Scots) and that they seem to co-exist with the French which is something I have not managed - apart from really fancying Bridgette Bardot when I was younger and so was she. But it was the obsequience of our Australian commentator team following after the previously totally unknown to Australians Vonn girl with their toungues hanging out and appearing to be relatives of strangly named American snow-board children, that got my goat. Our 'Eddie Maguire' super-sports freak TV commentator was all over these american boys like a female teacher at a boy scout convention.

And we had Torah Bright. And the last show-board girl with the lovely smile. Fab girls who wrapped up warm and stutted their stuff with sartorial aplomb.

And the Brits had a coloured chap from Glasgow with a lot of friends with cheque-books so that he could have a go at ski-ing despite being ratshit at it. You have to love the Brits for their follow-through from Eddie the Eagle.

But.. let's get serious here. Naked women. Australia is noted for its naked women. In summer (which it is here - no snow anywhere) you cannot move for semi-naked women. The beaches are awash with them, all very nearly naked. And usually scowling. They clutch pamphlets from the Office for the Status of Women. But you hit the button, Joayanna. They don't get fully naked until a photographer comes along and the click of a shutter is enough for every last veil to drop away and the gynacology lessons to start.

One does not have to walk to Sydney for it.

As I type this, the very photo-shoot is on TV behind me, with the (American) photographer waxing lyrical about naked gay and transgendered people. There were no close ups of genitals thank goodness. Not even a perky breast.

I am off to the beach for a stroll.

PS. I will carry an image of you getting out of the bath. Hahahaha

11:50 PM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Yes! off to the beach...and no tubs in site!

How good to read you again, and also to comment that there is one reason to like the Americans...

We do not suffer the French too well either.

The French and the Japanese should get together and try to mix. The Japanee DNA could use a bit of the French emotional context, and the French could use a bit more of an inclination to non-emotional equational thinking...

What do you think?

As for the Hockey games...the whole Canadian Hockey team makes their living in the United States, all on American teams. It was as if we were watching two American hockey teams fight each other.

I THINK the coach for the canadian team was our own NHL President.

SO...America REALLY won, even though those guys are born and trained as little kids in Canada, they come HERE to finish out their lives.

Still, we're all from that good old English stock...wait...we had mostly FRENCH players!

You're right. Canada won.

And bathtub is lavender, and it's hard to leave such a wonderful color.

10:47 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas adds:

The only reason the British have a nuclear arsenal is because the French have one.

The reason that the American colonists started a War of Independance is because the British defeated the French in Canada (2 years previous) and then allowed them to trade in competition with the Americans.

3) Did you know that the Canadian colonists struck a coin that was the same value as a male beaver pelt? It was called the 'Buck'.

8:09 PM  
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8:07 PM  

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