Friday, February 05, 2010

To Serve, and Protect...





Nobody Cares:
The Government of the United States of America,
Sworn to protect and defend the good citizens of the world,
Have been working day and night to figure out,
How to save the planet, and get rid of some of those pesky people.
First, they outlawed everyone's light bulb, and passed a law that all safe and usable light bulbs must be gone in ten years and replaced with a mercury-poisoned filled one that releases deadly gas when broken.
Mao be proud.
So many people and children will get sick, that billions will be made by the pharmaceutical companies treating the illnesses.
But this will not be enough. Cleverly, they worked day and night to come up with another solution to that problem. They just needed the right crisis.
And they got it with Umar Farouk Abdul Mutallab, who tried to blow up a plane.
Mr. Obama has just designated $734 million body scanners to be placed in all airports in order to x-ray everyone who wants to fly...which MIGHT cause in some cases cancer, because being exposed, even to low doses of radiation, can damage DNA.
It will also, create a lot of money for our government and protect ich people (and terrorists) who do not want to be scanned, and will pay gladly pay a high price to have a "get through without scanning" ID card.
This will also at the same time, create millions of jobs for single young guys (and lots of retired ones too) who will become basically unionized porn x-ray watchers, while zapping billions of people each day with radiation. They will certainly join the union just for the thrill of it all.
To protect us of course.
But that is not enough.
Soon, working with the great country of Japan and China, the people of the United States will be told they can no longer drink their tap water, and must purchase CANNED water from foreign countries.
This water will be filled with deadly cancer causing chemicals (and sterilization caustics) which will further reduce the population by 2020 to a more reasonable and manageable statistic.
(Nobody Makes SOME of This Stuff Up...you decide.)

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3 Comments:

Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

I see America is slipping behind in the innovation race. In Oz for example not only do we say innivation with an 'i' and very quickly, but we have water capsules sold from health food shops. One only needs to take 1400 a day to prevent our skin becoming dry. Each, that is.

Also the capsules come in homoeopathic 'flavours' - which of course you cannot taste as they are diluted two trillion times in water - a world leader I am sure you will agree. How long will it take for America to catch up?

Well you might ask. Fortunately the answer may be accessed easily from any number of psychic hotlines for only $19.95 a minute, and.... that's not all. For every three phone calls to a psychic asking the same question you can get a free homoeopathic massage at a 'clinic' in Sydney. Over the phone.

All these measures have been put in place by our Great Leader, Chairman Maosy Kev, the only western leader who can correct the Chinese Ambassador's pronunciation.

Now lets see Obama do THAT !!

6:37 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas asks:

In the body scan photos above, why is the young lady dangling a wombat between her legs? Is this to indicate Obama's intention to wipe out wombat smuggling?

And will the ones he sells to Britain be adapted for ferrets?

And how come the machine can't see through her knickers? Are they made of metal?

6:49 AM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Yeah, I couldn't for the life of me figure out what that was either.

Wombat...mmmmm

11:19 AM  

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