Rosie's Magical Mystery Tour Bus

Nobody’s Opinion; Rosie O’Donnell was grandstanding on Anderson Cooper’s 360 degrees tonight. There she was with a busload of black children, and in back of her was a shot of a super-deluxe, million dollar bus that had no doubt, air conditioning, 500 packed peanut butter and jelly sandwiches, 85 cases of soda, 300 Snickers bars, and her entire collection of plastic collectables that every McDonalds, Burger king, and theme park had ever marketed. Michael Jackson and Brokeback Mountain videos were probably playing on the big digital screen in front. No doubt his (I mean her) “wife” Kelli was there with their four children, but they did not make it into the Photo-op, because…

Rosie had serious work to do. She was “helping” the poor, black kids of Katrina deal with the grief of what had happened in New Orleans. They all were given new clothes, new shoes, and brand new digital camera’s to take lots of pictures to be pasted somewhere in the upcoming elections. It was her gift to them…a cathartic mystery tour of President Bush’s devastation to the black community. This would help them, she said.

Using the marvelous Lord Richard Attenborough comments in Jurassic Park:
“She obviously spared no expense.”

Ok..think hard. Who does she remind you of? Your next door neighbor? Your son’s third grade teacher? A bitter drag queen? Michael Jackson comes to my mind. In fact, he is somewhere kicking himself and thinking, “Why didn’t I think of that?”

What is it with gay people attachment to kids? They can’t have a normal sex life so they fill their empty souls with children? How come you never hear a psychologist answer this question on Dr. Phil? Never mind that it might not be good for the kids, to be used in such a manor. I’m not saying that gays can’t be loving people, but using children to further your own career and image of yourself as the new messiah---gets old.

Every since Rosie told off Tom Selleck on her show, ever since we found out that her hysterical devotion and “crush” on Tom Cruise was a horrible sham, ever since she stopped being an entertainer and joined Hillary’s stud farm of lesbians and basher of the right-wing conspiracies, it’s been hard for me not to feel sorry for her.

But, it doesn’t last long.

Then we see Rosie step in front of a FEMA trailer. Taking the role of a serious reporter, Rosie goes on to show us the horrible conditions these kids were actually living in--- why even prisoners live better! These poor people after 18 months had to live in these tiny mobile homes, and that mean old nasty President Bush won’t extend the welfare after 18 months. What’s wrong?…illegal aliens taking your place? Mom can’t tell the kids to go spend the day at the hotel pool anymore?

Hey, Rosie, I have a suggestion. Why don’t you buy up all those FEMA trailers and give them to the poor old people in nursing homes right now. I’m sure they would be ecstatic to have their own rent free place to live out their lives, instead of having to end their lives in a four by eight space because they couldn’t keep up their property taxes.

Did I tell you I actually read Rosie’s autobiography? I liked it. Rosie is so emotional, she rules from her some what confused sexually damaged amygdala. She thinks she is a man, but still has the urgent desire to mother. Must be hell. Rosie had major family problems which caused her great anguish, but which gave her the drive to become the star that she has become.

She knew she would be a star. Just like Hillary knew that Bill Clinton would be President. And Hitler knew he would rule Germany one day. It’s a mystery tour.

Rosie has a need to promote herself and those like her. After her show was cancelled she did a play with Boy George, and organized a gay love boat cruise--- for the kids.

Anyway, some gays tend to be on constant PMS. Their emotions leave them so malleable anyone can manipulate them. Hollywood stars know how to emote...they are always in overdrive for emoting and don’t think about the sound bites they are being given. Like the lines they memorize, they don’t think about what they are actually saying.

The proof of this is in all those movies in where they shoot guns, kill, maim, demolish the bad guys…and then they come out and say they hate guns, war, and the bad guy is really the good guy. They do NOT walk the talk.

Rosie writes cute little poems on her blog. Today she wrote about a squirrel that she saw; “poor dear guy, never thought i would love a squirrel, but i did.”

Maybe she was talking about the next squirrelly poem after that, which was written by another bleeding heart turned savior of the world Bill Moyer…who has all the progressive sound bites memorized.

I mean to think about it. (He means to…just pay him first.)
Other than the war in Iraq (Hey, Saddam was not Milosevic!)
The Katrina disaster (All those strip clubs demolished, must have been hard.)
The deficit (Which is almost as large as his public televisions revenues)
The CIA leak (Hey, she was a babe! I bet Clinton showed her a cigar or two.)
Torture (Listening to your monologues.)
Stopping stem cell research (Your monologue is enough reason for that.)
Homeland security (I agree, they should have done something about you.)
Global warming (Been reading Vanity Fair there Bill?)
And undercutting science (Frankly, we could use more under brush cutting)
We have not yet to really feel the negative effects of the Bush Administration

That’s because Bill, we are still feeling the negative effects of the Bill Clinton administration.

Rosie replies “ALL HAIL BILL.” Tomorrow, the bus goes to Channel Nine.

Where will Rosie’s Magical Mystery Bus take us in the future? Will Rosie be able to get the Katrina victims back to the nice hotel rooms with the swimming pools and free room service? Will they actually have to go out and get a “service” job like the rest of us? Will Rosie soften the black voter’s heart by the photo-op of poor black children being force to take pictures of demolished houses? Will there be more black gays who adopt? Will Tom Cruise forgive her for having a crush on him? Will Rosie get over the fact that Ellen Degeneras has jumped in and taken her place as queen of the gay daytime variety show? Will she learn how to dance?

Hey…I’m just warning you of what’s to come. Rosie is just getting the stage warmed up for Bill, Hillary, Kerry and Al Gore. All those years playing the circuit comes in handy. The magical mystery tour begins early. Rosie’s bus has room for all.

Nobody Cares: Today it was reported that Iran’s women would be allowed to go to soccer matches…why the feminists did not come out and applaud this long awaited freedom is beyond me. I guess if they can carry a gun, they can watch sports.

Nobody’s Perfect: Hillary Clinton did a John Kerry today. Remember when he voted for the war and then he didn’t? Well, last month she raved against building a wall to keep out illegal immigrants, claiming Jesus would be appalled. Today she says she wants to see a wall built. Democrats are counting on you not having a perfect memory.

Nobody Wins; When John Kerry keeps morphing back to Vietnam, he reminds the rest of us that too many vets lost their brains to Jungle Gold. He claims getting out of the Iraq war is patriotic. He messed this country up back then, and he just can’t help messing it up again. He treats his country just like he treats his wife’s Ketchup…he won’t touch it.

Despite his complaining, if he could lead the generals in a military coup, he would do it in a heartbeat. If that happens, the minutemen would have to go to Washington and build a wall to keep him from getting out. I’ll be the first one on the bus.