Nobody's Absurdities, No. 4

Nobody’s Opinions: Okay…God is up there looking down on the Middle East and saying to himself, “There they go again….” Israel tries to please everyone, Hamas picks a fight anyway. Israel kicks ass--- Israel is condemned to world purgatory for being smart enough to build bunkers for their people, being able to feed their people, and being militarily superior. Not fair, says the New World Order…you should give up your land and get out.

What picture do you see over, and over and over again? That big blowup of an Israeli direct night-time hit in Beirut. It makes such good propaganda.

Reminds me of the original Shock and Awe night-time photo’s of the bombing of Bagdad. The news editors are giddy with cool explosions.

Yesterday was filled with absurdities, so once again, this nobody will rant on the events of the past few days, starting with the one that I find the most incredible, (besides the lopsided reporting of the war) but about as surprising as Dick Cheney being sued.

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Last week, there was a guy on Coast to Coast a.m. (I will not mention his name in respect for his age, he could be senile) who said that the world was surely at the end times, but he, being the wonder that he was, had a way to solve this problem. We must genetically engineer all future babies on the planet to only grow to a height of no more than three feet tall. That way, more humans could fit on planes, and land…they would eat less, drink less…it was the only way to continue the human race.

Somewhere there are baby pygmies waiting to be cloned and harvested to save us.

This nobody laughs until I notice that stupid car they keep trying to promote here…you know the one that looks like a glorified golf cart, the one that would be flattened to the size of a quarter if hit by a Mexican truck? It’s just about the size for a three foot person. The question is, have they told the Mexicans yet?

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And speaking of Mexicans…I’d like to thank that colossal comedic and astute observer of human nature, Doug Powers, for bringing to my attention Angela Magdaleno of Los Angelos, who said after having quadruplets to match her triplets;

“I don’t know if I’m sad or happy. I’m happy but, I don’t know how to explain it.”

Which means, she’s sad that she only has a one-room apartment in Los Angeles to raise all these babies in, but she’s happy that she has two older daughters to raise them.

How do I know this? Well, I once knew a Chinese woman who ran a very successful Chinese Restaurant. She had eleven children and I asked her how in the world did she do it? I was having trouble with one. She told me eleven was harder than one because, “It’s simple. The oldest children raise the children for you. If you have just one, you have to raise it.” Oh…okay.

Angelano, having had all those new U.S. citizens, will not have to worry because you and I will support them! We’ve already paid her hospital bills. I’m expecting her to have quintuplets next. What a patriot!

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Speaking of patriots, we should all send the Mayor of Hazleton, PA, Lou Barletta, our personal best, because he has decided in his town to be one of the few elected officials in the nation to actually enforce the law of, “If you are illegal, or hire illegals, you are breaking the law.” The vilification of the good Mr. Barletta has started on the news. He was using “Nazi” tactics it was reported. (Of course it wasn’t mentioned what those Nazi tactics were.)

This could start a roll! I was excited the day before when I heard another mayor in New Jersey pissed off at McDonalds for putting up a road sign in his town in Spanish. And we all remember the guy in New York who owned a restaurant and asked everyone to order their food in English.

God…I love these guys. If more of our men would follow their examples, who knows what we could do!

Personally, I plan to boycott McDonalds (well, as much as I can) until I hear they have taken that sign down. They have been trying to get the Americans used to the idea of a bi-lingual country for some time now. We see it on all directions, hear it on all phones, it’s printed at all the banks, and now, in our movies and television programs, the stars are speaking Spanish.

Karl Rove just loves the immigrants. Excuse me Karl Rove, may I remind you that you speak English, not Norwegian like your ancestors.

Maybe someone should file a lawsuit saying that all other immigrants are being discrimmiatied against because their languages are not on all the ATM’s, TV, in directions, and McDonalds signs. Imagine having to listen to “if you want Spanish, choose one; if you want Chinese, choose two: if you want Hindu, choose three: If you want German, choose four: If you want Norwegian choose five: etc…

Just how long would the Spanish people put up with it? After all, they are asking all other immigrants to take second place. If I were a lawyer, I’d go for it.

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And speaking of multinational companies, the EU is fining Microsoft 357 million dollars a day or 5% of their total global revenue, for not handing over their “secrets.” Now, even this nobody admits that Bill might be the poster boy for the word megalomaniac, but this is a bit unfair. Why don’t they fine Coke- Cola the same for not giving up its secrets?

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And that leads to the revealing of “secrets.” Dick Cheney and Karl Rove are being sued by that “I either-wanna-be-famous-or-an-old-girlfriend-of Bill-Clinton,” Valerie Plame and her husband Joe Wilson.

She used to be a secret agent, and her husband was so proud he even put that fact in Who’s Who…but they don’t think that counts.

After all, it’s okay for the New York Times to tell all our enemies just what the government is doing to protect us, and point out where all the “torture” prisons are all over the world…which puts thousands of U.S. soldiers lives in danger---not to mention all of us sitting here, but they want YOU to think that Miss x-agent Valerie lost a career that she was no longer in? okay.

How DO they do it?

This nobody thinks that with all the obvious cosmetic work she has had, starting with those blinding teeth, she already has a new career on TV…just watch. Don’t be shocked if FOX hires her. Which brings me to---

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Nobody’s Perfect; Just what was George Bush Sr. and his son, President George Bush Jr. doing giving such loving praise and obvious heartfelt sorrow for a convicted criminal, who robbed thousands of trusting Americans out of their hard earned retirement? Wait, I'm having a flashback...

Can you say "savings and loan scandal?"

President Bush said Ken Lay was a “good guy.” And then the Priest at the funeral compared Ken Lay's legacy to Martin Luther King, Kennedy, and Jesus Christ? WHAT?

And they want us to think that they believe in truth, justice, and the American way?

Notice also that not one word was said anywhere about how strange this was. mmmmm

Nobody Knows; Barbara Boxer has suggested that Colin Powell and Madeline Alright go over and solve the Middle East war. They, of course, will just tell them to stop. Why she didn’t throw in Bill Clinton, Wesley Clark, and Jimmy Carter, is beyond me. Oh, I forgot. Bill only goes to photo-ops in safe places, Wesley Clark is a general who stays behind the lines, and Jimmy Carter’s specialty is elections. I suggest Barbara Boxer go to Beirut, and use her vast caring and concern to stop it all, and take Hillary with her.

Nobody Cares; Dick Morris is so funny. I get such a kick out of him. He has now nixed the thought of Lieberman running as a third party, and has decided that Mike Bloomberg should run instead. He would win the White House he says.

“If Hillary Clinton gets the Democratic nomination and a staunch conservative like Virginia Senator George Allen defeats John McCain, or Rudy Giuliani for the GOP he could run as an independent and win.” Well Dick, this nobody says…what are you smoking?

And it’s only Thursday.