Nobody Absurdities, No. 13, Triskaidekaphobia

Nobody’s Opinion; Now that I have come to the number thirteen of my “Nobody’s Absurdities,” I’ve decided to take a good look at this number, since this will be the only “Nobody Absurdities” ever written in the 13th mode. When I get to the number---10, 413, I’m sure I will look back fondly on this blog and say; “I’m sure glad I got that out of my system!”

So, here of course, in no order whatsoever are the historical reasons why the number has been considered unlucky.

That includes, do not eat that 13th cocktail shrimp, don’t drink that 13th beer, and if you have asked that girl out 12 times, I’d advise you to quit.

Our ancestors were not fooling around with this information, and we have taken it so seriously, that for many years, our buildings were built without a 13th floor, and our airplanes have omitted the 13th row.

There are 14 tampons in a box. (Just kidding, I really don’t know)

And I have more than 13 teeth, which is a good thing. Anyway…

There were 13 apostles at the last supper.

Okay, if you have 13 people over to dinner, and only serve bread and wine, better make sure that these people are not democrats, Romans, Taliban, Ahmadinejad, or the ACLU. Jesus paid a high price for being number thirteen.

Actually, I thought Jesus was number one and Judas was thirteen, so I’m a bit confused about this one, but I’m not worried because I don’t know even know thirteen people to invite to my supper. But if you do, just be sure you’re not the first one to get up from the table or you will be the next one to die. Probably by the hand of Freddy, with the help of Jason.

The Knights of the Templar, those lovable Christian Crusaders, were killed by the French King on Friday the 13th, October, 1307.

Well, I gotta admit, this one does look bad. Everyone was so sure that the Templars had dug up piles of gold in Jerusalem, including the Arch of the Covenant, which was solid gold, and who knows what else was in it, only to move to France, and then hide it in Scotland, (along with the Holy Grail) after the French King went on his rampage. The Templars became the illuminati and they put it somewhere in Oxford, which is the center of the New World Order, and that explains why the most expensive houses in the World are gathered around there, owned by the Saudi’s, Madonna, and word has it, BC. (Bill Clinton) Why else would all rich and cool want to live in a country where the sun only comes out during global warming?

It was these people who got that guy to write the Da Vinci Code, in order to destroy religion and make you believe that all those Oxford people were descendants of the real Jesus, so when you find out who’s getting rid of all the National borders and setting up this New World Government, you won’t be mad because they are all elite descendents of Jesus. See?

Accordingly, the French are very scared of the number 13th. I would be too if I were them. Payback could be bad. Maybe it was the Templars up in heaven that has sent the Muslims.

The number 13th card in the tarot is the death card.

Have you ever seen that card? Scary. Hey, I used to get that card all the time and I’m still here. (Well that’s an opinion that might not be shared by some readers) But it sure is fun to deal it up to people.

“Oh no…you got the death card. Do you have insurance?”

The Romans thought 13 was a sign of death and destruction.

How do we know this fact? Did the Barbarians invade Rome on Friday the 13th? But there were a lot of Romans, so maybe they had a point.

13 is a bakers dozen.

Accordingly a long time ago, if the baker did not have twelve pieces in his bag rolls, he could be executed. Remember that next time you go to Krispy Krème.

I’m sure more than one medieval wife used this little fact to get a quick divorce. This probably meant, no spouses were allowed in the bakery.

The Americans changed the course of history by ignoring the bad vibes of 13, because we started out with thirteen colonies. The founders felt that on the contrary, 13 was really a wonderful number, they put it everywhere. We have:

13 horizontal stripes on the Flag
13 levels of the truncated pyramid
13 letters in “E Pluribus Unum”, which appears in
The banner running through the eagle’s beak on the right side of the bills
Reverse.
13 letter in the phrase “Annuit Coeptis” which appears over the pyramid on the left side of the bill’s reverse.

13 stars above the eagle
13 leaves on the olive branch
13 olives on the olive branch
13 arrows held by the Eagle and
13 bars on the shield.

So, a thirteenth blog might be lucky or not. If you never see a “Nobody’s Absurdities, No. 14” then you might want to think about it the next time you have a desire to eat that 13th donut. It might just be your last.

Nobody’s Perfect; Okay, all my life I was never suspicious about the number thirteen. I mean, how could you be? It’s so childish, fun. But silly.

UNTILL, my dear mother one night, in 2001, was watching Bill Clinton on TV, and she got so mad, she had a major brain hemmorge and died six months later.

And yes, it was Friday the 13th.

Nobody Knows; Ronald Reagans son, Ron, believes in Friday the 13th, with all his heart. So at least another intelligent person on the planet thinks there might be something to it.

Nobody Cares; Am I superstitious? I’ll get back to you on that…on the 14th.

Nobody’s Fool; The exception to this 13th rule, is the 13th amendment, which could possibly cancel out every superstition ever thought up. Go ahead and add to the list.