Tuesday, February 20, 2007

The Presidential Pig Will Give Us a Senatorial Dog

Nobody’s Opinion: The Chinese have warned us---it’s now here: the Year of the Pig. And according to their version of astrology, all of us are animals.

We are either pigs, dogs, monkeys, rats, oxen, horses, goats, cats, tigers, roosters, dragons, or snakes.

And in the year of the pig, a real live socialist sow, fattened up from years of slopping at the Chinese monetary troughs will succeed. Yes, our own real hog-grown American “Ms Piggy,” Hillary Clinton, (born in the year of the Pig) was having such a bad time last week due to the tsunami waves of Obama and Giuliani threatening her pork power in the presidential polls--- that she had to bring out of the closet (or blond of the moment) her husband, Kermit. Hillary suggested she will make him a Senator if you elect her for President. Because, as we all know--- it’s really Bill the dog who everyone likes.

Well, at least the people who are used to being fed at public trough of redistributed wealth like him.

Bill, Hillary's little Kermit at the moment, according to the Chinese, is not actually a frog, but a dog. (born in 1946, the year of the Dog.)

And who am I, a simple nobody, to argue? After getting out some of my old Chinese astrology books, it appears that after thousands of years of meditations and observations on human characteristics, the Chinese have gotten most of humanity right.

Especially when used to analyzed the behavior of Bill and Hillary Clinton

Yes, Hillary acts like a gluttonous pig, slopping up everything and everyone in her sight. She wants ALL the power, the food, the perks, and the complete control in the pigpen called our government, and she will not stop wallowing in the mud until she eats up the world.

Bill acts like just like a dog, and if she has her way, Hillary will soon be his master.

After all, pigs are known to be smarter than dogs.

Despite the fact that Bill pretty much pisses on everything he passes, and wants to do nothing but hump the nearest available poodle with money, and despite the fact that he does have what many people consider loveable qualities unlike his “mate,”---Bill does not exhibit the most important trait most dogs offer humanity.

And that’s loyalty: devotion to other human beings, or even other dogs for that matter. (I’m thinking of poor photo-op Buddy, R.I.P.) Bill pretty much acts like a snake in that regard.

Therefore, the Chinese need to update this “theory of human animalistic destiny” and decide to take a few pointers from Western Astrology, which says that people can be born on a cusp and act like two animals at once.

It does get tiresome the West having to help out the rest of the world all the time…doesn’t it?

So maybe, what we have here is a combination of traits. Bill is a dog and a snake. Hillary is a pig and a snake. Both are starting to resemble one another due to the latest knowledge recently released, (see picture of dog/pig) that people who have known each other for a long time will start to act and look like each other, because it makes them feel comfortable, genetically speaking.

It’s comfortable to the brain cells of animals to look at another animal person and not have to work too hard with computing results.

Hillary and Bill both bark and oink at every possible opportunity…all they need is a camera, and the vision of pork.

But, don’t take my word about this…let’s see what the Chinese have to say about these two beasties.

The Chinese say:

There are three phases of a dog’s life. Anxious childhood, difficult youth, middle-age defeatist before the work is done and an old age full of regrets for not having done enough.

Okay, we all know Bill has regrets for not being able to get rid of the 22nd amendment. And he regrets not getting bin Laden all thirteen times he could have. He regrets not being President during a good war like FDR had. He also regrets not having more time with Nicole Kidman.

And I’m sure he regrets the sloppy blue dress.

After that, he regrets nothing else, especially the impeachment where he alone saved the Constitution.

But dogs tend to worry say the Chinese… Dick Morris has confirmed that fact. The dog likes to drown himself in details, which in Bill’s case are presented as “Bill sees both sides of every issue, nothing is ever black or white; he is just so brilliant!”

This is why he can keep the world and everyone around him totally confused and off guard.

Dogs are champions of injustice we are told. So, here we have another problem. Bill convinces us he cares about injustice all over the world, but when the pork hits the fan, it’s all hot air. That’s when that snake in his character keeps slithering out.

Personally, I think Bill Clinton could very well have descended from the original snake that convinced Eve to take a bite. The Darwininists say it’s possible…who am I to argue? (And why would I want to when it comes to B.C.?)

Despite his worries, Bill Clinton still has time to destroy America. He will be back in power when his wife takes office as President. So, if he doesn’t get that done by the time he dies, he will pass the job off to Chelsea.

On our Presidential candidate Ms Piggy Hillary, or people born under the year of the Pig, the Chinese say:

“Under his (or her) deceptive air of sweet reasonableness, the Pig hides plenty of willpower and authority. They can have a force that nothing can oppose. He (or she) appears to be well read, but in fact most of his (or her) knowledge is only superficial. If you were to test the depth of his (or her) understanding you would soon find it didn’t go very deep.”

Well, that one is right on. If Hillary had any understanding of the world she would do us all a favor and go find a nice farm with plenty of mud to retire. She could move to France, her own vision of a perfect pig paradise.

Instead, she wants to be the big pig teat of the world.

So I ask in simple honestly….where’s the Pork? Where’s the bacon? Where’s the fat? Where’s your next meal coming from?

Just ask the Chinese. They’ve got it all figured out.

Something tells me this year of the pig might turn into the decade of the Big Pork Blowout.

Nobody’s Perfect; Ronald Reagan was also born in the year of the pig. So, the Chinese got this one wrong. The Democrats and the Russians thought they were dealing with a cow, and out came the American eagle.

But then again, the Chinese have shown themselves to be wise owls by choosing the power-hungry Clintons to hand over the United States.

As Bill Clinton once said “The United States will not always be the big dog on the block, and we’d better get used to it.”

Spoken like a true Chinaman. Spoken like a true dog.

Spoken like a true snake.

And I hate to bring you the news, but according to the Chinese, 2008, our Presidential election year, will be the year of the rat.

Now you know why the Communist ruled China---they have written into their culture an excuse for rulers treating people like animals.

How clever.

Nobody Knows; We now have a 735 billion dollar deficit to China. So how long it is until the nations of Pigs owns the nation of the Eagle?

Confusius says, when the dog marries the pig, and they jump over the moon.

Nobody Cares. The Chinese wanted to put a pig on a stamp to celebrate the year of the Pig, but due to Muslim protests, they decided to give the goats a break, and not do it.



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