Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Valentine Confessions

Nobody’s Opinion: Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day, you couldn’t forget that fact if you tried. Whole industries are built on this one day of the year.

Young women, all over the planet are wondering, “What will he get me? Roses? Just a card? Candy? A friendship ring?

A diamond engagement ring?

Flowers of any kind are good. That usually means he likes the sex enough to at least honor you. A card means, he is not really sure if you will be more than just friends, so why waste the money?

Going out to dinner…means he expects most of the time to be paid in full.

What? Not everyone has this game of barter on their minds you say?

What planet are you living on?

But the biggest gift of all…is the diamond ring. For that, the man intends to get serious.

And I’m sorry---if cupid actually knew what I thought of his “diamonds” he would point his arrow and shoot out my eyes.

I’m probably one of the few women in the entire world that sees absolutely nothing special about a diamond.

Oh sure, put hundreds of them together and you have something, but only the very rich can afford that.

The only diamonds I’ve ever seen that I was impressed with was the Hope diamond.

There are so many stones much more beautiful than a diamond. Go into any store and you see blue, green, red, orange, stones of every color and hue…but a diamond…boring.

Well, Kings and Queens have killed for them. Not because they are beautiful in my opinion, but because the market says they are valuable, a good investment.

So, okay, buy the diamond and keep it in your safe.

The fake diamonds, in my opinion look MUCH better than the originals. I’ll take a Zirconium any day.

There is nothing that angers me more than when you see a diamond in a jewelry store and it shines brilliantly, and the minute you walk out into the sunlight, the sparkle is GONE.

I don’t care if you scrub it with tooth paste, dip it in twenty dollar jewelry cleaner... you would have to carry around in your pocket whatever special lights that they have shining on it in the store, and put the light on it every time you wanted to show it off.

Am I the only one who notices this? I always feel ripped off.

Having confessed this abnormality, I can only surmise that fortunately, God has not felt that I should be tempted to disappoint some poor man by not being able to hide my disappointment with his gift of a diamond ring.

The only diamond ring I have ever received was a gift from my parents. It sits in my safe, and I look at it once in awhile, in remembrance of how hard they worked to buy it for me.

No, I told my husband that the only thing that would convince me that a man loved me, (we were dating at the time) the only thing I ever wanted was for a man to carve our names in a tree, inside a heart.

If a man would take the time to do that, then, things looked promising.

So, he did. He went to his local park, and he said people were staring at him while he was using a huge mallet and chisel to write the names Bruce and JOY, and he picked the biggest tree in the park. It was so huge; you could see it from the other side of the lake.

He said the effort took five hours. Every year we go see our “tree.”

The tree has grown over the fourteen years. You can hardly see the letters anymore. But, it doesn’t matter.

So, maybe what I’m trying to say is, guys, if you can’t afford a diamond, or even roses, get a chisel, and a hammer, and go carve.

You might find a diamond yourself, one that really sparkles.

And save yourself a lot of money.

Nobody’s Perfect: Actually, the day is very lopsided. The girls really make out on this day. There should be a day for the ladies to treat the men. A day, where they had to do everything the man wanted, just for that ONE day of the year.

No money involved.

Nobody Knows; Being a woman, I’ve always wondered what men REALLY think of Valentines Day. Guys?

Nobody Cares; Wait, a man did give me an engagement diamond ring once. There was a big wedding planned, thousands of dollars already spent by my parents…invitations already sent out.

Then, one day, my fiancé just stopped talking to me. I went over to his parents’ house where he was living.

He ran into the bedroom.

I slipped his ring under the door.

Now, in my old age, looking back on my heartache, and not ever knowing why he changed his mind…since he was not honorable enough to even give me a reason for calling it off, I should have kept the ring, sold it, and paid my parents back for all they had spent out.

Ah HA! So that’s why you hate diamonds, Joyanna!

Nope---you’re wrong. I thought the ring was ugly; I didn’t miss it at all.

Like I said, what’s the fuse about, I just don’t see it.



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