Monday, July 16, 2007

The Land of the Lard

Nobody Flashes: I've been wondering where all the chickens have gone. For weeks I have been reporting that finding a whole chicken to cook is about as hard as finding someone under twenty who knows who the Vice President is. Sunday chicken dinner is disappearing, to be replaced by nachos and movie theater popcorn.

Maybe the chickens are somewhere in some secret cave, being used to develop bird flu...Hillary, good ol gal that she is, is still concerned about it's dangers. One case was reported last week in Thailand.

While we worry about a nuclear attack, tainted food, Iraq, invasions, floods, fires, taxes, job going overseas, and dying in our new hybrids hit by a mack truck...Hillary is going to protect us from the bird flu.

The U.N. is in all a flutter because it now admits it cannot feed the whole world due to the price of corn and soy going up...because some idiot has decided to make car fuel out of food.

Now, that was a real good idea.

Today, it was reported that China has banned chicken and pork from Tyson Chicken Food. The company from Arkansas, who helped put Bill Clinton in the governor's mansion, evidently has been copying the practices of "tainting" the food in order to make sure that there are less mouths to feed. China said the chickens contains...salmonella.

Because the Chinese have to boil their water...cooking chickens would take just too much time. After all, they only get so much break time at the factories.

The U.S. says it's just retaliation from the Chinese, who are mad because we refused to accept their shrimp...we said it was "tainted."

At least we use nicer words.

The U.S. imports 95% of all it's shrimp. Remember that next time your at Red Lobster, and they offer you the "all you can eat shrimp" plate.

Producing our own food is not a high priority right now. We must concentrate on Wind Mills.

What does this all mean? We will all have to learn to continue to survive on fat. So we will get fatter...and then MORE new diet foods, and MORE new exercise equipment, and MORE new diet pills...will go on to become our main source of energy.

Already Walgreens have not only become the new medical centers for this new third world country, but a speical diet pill along with a program is waiting for you next time you go pick up your other drugs.

Thus a whole new industry is created, along with Ethanol.

The plan is to save the Ozone by starving the planet. The middle class people will, forget Sunday Chicken dinners with mashed potatoes, and instead get up and eat a South Beach Diet Cookie bar, with a Gator Aid Berry drink..and gain more weight then ever, thereby dying of heart attacks sooner.

Then, with Universal Heath Care under Hillary, you will have to wait your turn for that triple bypass.

The only thing that makes me feel good about missing my Sunday chicken home cooked meal is the sight of Michael Moore. I hope that when he finally has his heart attack, he flys to Cuba.

America already is known as the land of Lard. Pass the butter.

I will continue to monitor the chickens...if there is any information or sightings, please let me know.

Chickens have rights too, you know.

Nobody Cares; It's only a matter of time, before they decide that our water is tainted.
After all, they've been putting poison in it for years. Floride was originally used to kill rats.
But don't ever tell that to a dentist while he is doing a root canal. Big mistake. I ought to know.

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