National Safety Warning: Cooties

Nobody Flashes; After listening all week to the new national horror of what can happen to anyone who dares puts their tapping foot under a public bathroom stall...

This nobody wanted to remind the public that there is an even more insidious national problem that has existed since kindergarden.

Cooties.

Yes, we have all, at one time or another,
been falsely accused of infecting someone of usually the opposite sex with a germ that not only has never been seen, but if caught by a boy, can effect the psychological makeup of the boy as a young man...and his outlook on women for life.

The germ spreads to cover the adult male brain with red warning flashes of "run" every time the word "marriage" is spoken, never knowing that the cootie virus had been inside his body, festering, and just waiting for the right moment to infect his brain.

Cooties can be found in every little boy and girl under the age of six, most catcher's mitts, under school desks, in the halls of Congress, and has been known to love the comforts of Bill Clinton's cigar case.

So, the next time someone accuses you of giving them a "gay signal" or "cooties" be advised and proceed causiouly.

Keep your feet to yourself...and watch out for cooties.

This has been a national security public safety announcement.

Nobody can say, "I didn't warn ya!"