Nobody Reports on a Monday: Are You Safe With Hillary?

Nobody’s Opinion: Its three a.m.. Hillary Clinton is President and is sleeping soundly in her bed. A phone call comes in from Homeland Security Chief, Madeline Albright, to tell Hillary that Iran has launched a nuclear attack on Israel. China simultaneously launched several nukes currently on the way to Los Angles.

But, Hillary has given strict orders that she is not to be disturbed. All calls are to be handled by her husband, Bill Clinton, who after all, was President for eight years. Besides, Bill is a regular night owl.

Ring….Ring…Ring...

“Yeah,”

“Hello, this is the White House Operator; I have an emergency call for the President.”

“What’s the matter?”

“Sir, I need to talk to President Clinton.”

“You’re talking to him, sweetie.”

“No sir, I need to talk to President Hillary Clinton, sir: it’s imperative.”

“Well, I can’t wake her up. Besides, I can help you…hey, what’s your name?”

“Monica, sir.”

“You’re kidding? Well---I knew a Monica once…you don’t happen to be her cousin?

“No sir…I must put this call through sir, it’s from Albright.”

“Hey, what are you wearing?”

“Sir, its imperative I talk to the President.”

“Honey, I wouldn’t wake her up right now. Besides, she knows I can handle whatever comes in…go ahead and put Mattie on, it’s okay.”

The operator puts Albright through.

“Bill, we have a very dangerous situation. Iran has launched, China has launched. I need to talk to Hillary.”

“You know I can’t wake her, Mattie. Worse case scenario, they’re just trying to bluff us. I’ll talk to em’. I’ve been meaning to get them all over for a game of golf in Dubai….”

The phone goes dead.

Bill calls the operator.

“Hello?”

“Hi honey, this is the President. What happened to that call?”

“I don’t know sir, the line went dead. In fact, all the lines went dead.”

“Oh, that’s probably those Republicans, trying to shut the White House down again. Well, I can sit this one out too. You know last time this happened, I had a good time with that other Monica that I knew. I’d better come down there and check it out. Now, don’t you worry honey, I’ll be there in a minute…hey…you’re not wearing a blue dress are you?”

“No sir.”

“Well then---don’t you move.”

*****

Is it me? Or is this imaginary scenario just a little too real? Hillary’s ad in Texas last week, insinuating that if the country was in danger, we’d need her, was a real scream. Hillary claiming to have the ability to protect us from a terrorist attack is about as convincing as President Bush or John McCain saying they are going to secure our borders.

In fact, I’d believe in a fictitious Harry Potter using his wizard’s wand to protect us, before I’d believe that Hillary Clinton would even try.

Nobody’s Perfect: President Bush made the headlines last week when he was truly surprised to find out that gas was up to $4.00 a gallon. I must admit, his face looked like a calculating machine was going on in his head, perhaps running up stock dividend numbers for his portfolio. With Carl Rove gone, I bet we see more of these ‘stupid’ Bush moments in time.

Nobody Knows: Earth’s Liberation Front (ELF) set fire last night to a beavy of rich homes in Washington State. They claimed all the materials used in the home were not “green.” So…why isn’t Al Gore condemning this act of Al Gorian terror?

Nobody Cares: Evidently, Hillary, who keeps running like she’s right out of a sixties feminist playbook, doesn’t see the contradiction of holding onto her “adult” daughter’s hand every time she’s on stage.

Nobody Wins: Sheryl Crow, in this month’s Readers Digest said, “How will the record industry, which is suffering because people don’t feel they need to pay for music anymore” survive?

Sheryl, that deep thinker, does not understand that the liberal notion of “giving” everything to everyone for free is responsible for this “new” free trade market that both parties adhere to.

Free trade is a good thing---unless the government is involved in all trade agreements, then your “right” to free trade is gone.

Nobody’s Fool: I am getting so sick of this constant “American President Idol” contest, that I’m watching old “I Love Lucy” reruns. How about you? It seems to me, it’s more about getting America primed for the new communistic programs of redistribution and Universal Health Care, than an actual election.