Nobody Knows How "24" Goes!
Nobody Knows: I just got finished watching the ever popular television program “24” and I thought I’d do one of MY exciting nobody days in the Jack Bauer mode…so…
Beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep…
**********
These events took place between:
9am and 12am: Dog woke JA (that’s me) up at 9am with a wet tongue in ear…heroine looks at the clock. Remembers that she went to sleep at exactly 4:30am, so she turns over and tries to go back to sleep. Lump in mattress is sheer torture! That’s illegal!
That will not happen again on MY watch!
9.15am: Gets up and lets the dogs out. Zippy, a three-year-old American Eskimo, pees at the top of the stairs, and turns and smiles! Typical morning….heroine takes action and throws an old rag on it. (Whew, that was close!)
9:17am: Pours a bowl of the last remains of a Rice Krispee box, which has been on top of the fridge for at least three months. Eats, and gives other dog, KoKo, an American Eskimo/Pomeranian, the bowl to lick. Gives parakeet’s seed and water and talks to all six of them, telling them to forget their clandestine plans to take over the kitchen. There is bird seed all over the floor. (Stay focused, take care of that later)
9:20am: Puts bowl in sink, gets three rounds of bullets to load her gun (Okay…it’s a Fish Oil pill and a B-12 pill, to take with my orange juice, but bullets sounds more exciting.)
9:35am: Goes back to bed, to look over the plans for the upcoming raid on the hospital. (Actually, it’s my reading hour because that’s how long it takes for my energy pills to kick in.)
9:40am: Reads in Readers Digest that there in danger! Many people are being killed by “debris” falling off of cars, and trucks. The director of The China Syndrome was not killed by Jane Fonda, but by a steel rod that had fallen off a truck somewhere in the Eastern Seaboard, and struck him right in the forehead, killing him instantly. Al Gore gets away! JA (heroine) decides to use this argument to try to break her husband’s habit of following two feet behind Mac Trucks on the highway. She also learns that deer are making a big comeback in Texas and wonders why the illegals aren’t eating them?
10:00am: In her “war” briefings (For Whom the Bell Tolls) it seems the men are not the least bit concerned about becoming communists in order to defeat the fascists in Spain. Blowing up a bridge in broad daylight is not going to be easy, not to mention, every one that does it will surely die, including the brand new babe that likes to crawl under Hemmingway’s (I mean, our soldiers’) blanket, but somebody has to do it!
Blow up the bridge that is.
10:15am: JA gets her Moscow briefing…the Russians have a laser that can destroy every US satellite making the US venerable to nuclear attack. She puts agent Tom Clancy on the case under the name Jack Ryan, and dispatches him to the Kremlin to save the Cardinal. “Get back to me Jack.” JA tells him.
Beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep, beep-beep…
**********
These events took place between:
9am and 12am: Dog woke JA (that’s me) up at 9am with a wet tongue in ear…heroine looks at the clock. Remembers that she went to sleep at exactly 4:30am, so she turns over and tries to go back to sleep. Lump in mattress is sheer torture! That’s illegal!
That will not happen again on MY watch!
9.15am: Gets up and lets the dogs out. Zippy, a three-year-old American Eskimo, pees at the top of the stairs, and turns and smiles! Typical morning….heroine takes action and throws an old rag on it. (Whew, that was close!)
9:17am: Pours a bowl of the last remains of a Rice Krispee box, which has been on top of the fridge for at least three months. Eats, and gives other dog, KoKo, an American Eskimo/Pomeranian, the bowl to lick. Gives parakeet’s seed and water and talks to all six of them, telling them to forget their clandestine plans to take over the kitchen. There is bird seed all over the floor. (Stay focused, take care of that later)
9:20am: Puts bowl in sink, gets three rounds of bullets to load her gun (Okay…it’s a Fish Oil pill and a B-12 pill, to take with my orange juice, but bullets sounds more exciting.)
9:35am: Goes back to bed, to look over the plans for the upcoming raid on the hospital. (Actually, it’s my reading hour because that’s how long it takes for my energy pills to kick in.)
9:40am: Reads in Readers Digest that there in danger! Many people are being killed by “debris” falling off of cars, and trucks. The director of The China Syndrome was not killed by Jane Fonda, but by a steel rod that had fallen off a truck somewhere in the Eastern Seaboard, and struck him right in the forehead, killing him instantly. Al Gore gets away! JA (heroine) decides to use this argument to try to break her husband’s habit of following two feet behind Mac Trucks on the highway. She also learns that deer are making a big comeback in Texas and wonders why the illegals aren’t eating them?
10:00am: In her “war” briefings (For Whom the Bell Tolls) it seems the men are not the least bit concerned about becoming communists in order to defeat the fascists in Spain. Blowing up a bridge in broad daylight is not going to be easy, not to mention, every one that does it will surely die, including the brand new babe that likes to crawl under Hemmingway’s (I mean, our soldiers’) blanket, but somebody has to do it!
Blow up the bridge that is.
10:15am: JA gets her Moscow briefing…the Russians have a laser that can destroy every US satellite making the US venerable to nuclear attack. She puts agent Tom Clancy on the case under the name Jack Ryan, and dispatches him to the Kremlin to save the Cardinal. “Get back to me Jack.” JA tells him.
‘Don’t worry, he’s mine.” Jack is a smart aleck, and so he WILL get the job done, because everyone loves a smart aleck, unless of course you're name is Ann Coulter and you ARE smart.
10:30am: Something tells her to turn on the news, and good thing too. The world is in great danger as Hillary Clinton is being questioned by the Senate, and it is revealed that the billions of taxpayers dollars that went missing, will be used by Hillary Clinton in order to save the world, build Africa’s infrastructure, so that they can have water, food, schools, teachers, and brand new computers. To do this of course, she will need two top men to help her (in other words, actually do HER job because she will be too busy gathering funds for her husband Bill Clinton.) She also wants to stop women and children all over the world from getting acid thrown in their face. (Which means Bill has a concern) Not much is said about Israel, but when asked if Bill’s vast amounts of “raising” money would be used by nations to bribe Hillary, she states: “It will not be in the atmosphere.” Which In Clinton’s lawyer-like secret code means …it will be buried deep in our bank vault account in the Caymans Islands.
11:00am: Update: The Plaza Hotel has been taking over by a Jewish Billionaire named Isaac Tshuva, who built condominiums and sold them for around $53 million, with the promise that when finished they would look “just like the picture.” One Russian wife was so appalled at the finished, she exclaimed, “This is too small!” and on that note, she was locked in the closet. Union employees were going to be replaced, and so they took the fight to Israel, and Bruce Springsteen, and jobs were saved. Eloise was taken away to a secure location.
12:00pm: Knowing that time is running out, JA, realizes she must go to the hospital, not because she wants to, but because no one will return her calls. She has called the number on all her bills at least ten times, but no one returns her calls. Well, no one is going to rip off this nobody! She decides, she will put on her best red lipstick, with just the right hint of light bronze in the middle of the bottom lip, and plans her attack on that very handsome President who gave her his card one day in the lobby, and said, “Call me if you ever have a problem.”
12:15 pm. JA gets out of the car. She walks into the lobby and goes to the information station.
“So, who’s the top guy at this place?”
“I don’t really know!” say all three women behind the desk. “Whoever they are, they’re not here.”
“Well, no one will return my phone calls.”
“Oh my, follow me. By the way, I like you’re whole look.” says the information girl.
JA has put on a black coat, with a black fur hat…yes, she has that “I’ve got money and don’t mess with me look.” She is pleased that her disguise worked.
12: 35pm: In the main office, no one is there. Down the hall she sees a bunch of women having lunch.
12:45pm: A lady named Kathy takes her into a secret room. JA tells her the problem. She has been overcharged. No one returns her calls. “I’ll get help” she tells JA…”Stay right here”
12:55: JA, sits at a big table for eight people, and gets bored…goes through her coupon book and throws away most of her book, but finds a good one for Rice Krispies (A HIT!) --- this takes about 15 minutes.
1:21pm: Finally gets up. Goes outside the room and yells: “Hey, what’s goin on here! I’ve been waiting over 30 minutes!”
1:25pm: Kathy walks in room “I called someone to come, but they are in a meeting!”
“Okay, I’ll go to lunch and come back. Don’t you have an office here where they take care of the bills?”
“Well, no.”
10:30am: Something tells her to turn on the news, and good thing too. The world is in great danger as Hillary Clinton is being questioned by the Senate, and it is revealed that the billions of taxpayers dollars that went missing, will be used by Hillary Clinton in order to save the world, build Africa’s infrastructure, so that they can have water, food, schools, teachers, and brand new computers. To do this of course, she will need two top men to help her (in other words, actually do HER job because she will be too busy gathering funds for her husband Bill Clinton.) She also wants to stop women and children all over the world from getting acid thrown in their face. (Which means Bill has a concern) Not much is said about Israel, but when asked if Bill’s vast amounts of “raising” money would be used by nations to bribe Hillary, she states: “It will not be in the atmosphere.” Which In Clinton’s lawyer-like secret code means …it will be buried deep in our bank vault account in the Caymans Islands.
11:00am: Update: The Plaza Hotel has been taking over by a Jewish Billionaire named Isaac Tshuva, who built condominiums and sold them for around $53 million, with the promise that when finished they would look “just like the picture.” One Russian wife was so appalled at the finished, she exclaimed, “This is too small!” and on that note, she was locked in the closet. Union employees were going to be replaced, and so they took the fight to Israel, and Bruce Springsteen, and jobs were saved. Eloise was taken away to a secure location.
12:00pm: Knowing that time is running out, JA, realizes she must go to the hospital, not because she wants to, but because no one will return her calls. She has called the number on all her bills at least ten times, but no one returns her calls. Well, no one is going to rip off this nobody! She decides, she will put on her best red lipstick, with just the right hint of light bronze in the middle of the bottom lip, and plans her attack on that very handsome President who gave her his card one day in the lobby, and said, “Call me if you ever have a problem.”
12:15 pm. JA gets out of the car. She walks into the lobby and goes to the information station.
“So, who’s the top guy at this place?”
“I don’t really know!” say all three women behind the desk. “Whoever they are, they’re not here.”
“Well, no one will return my phone calls.”
“Oh my, follow me. By the way, I like you’re whole look.” says the information girl.
JA has put on a black coat, with a black fur hat…yes, she has that “I’ve got money and don’t mess with me look.” She is pleased that her disguise worked.
12: 35pm: In the main office, no one is there. Down the hall she sees a bunch of women having lunch.
12:45pm: A lady named Kathy takes her into a secret room. JA tells her the problem. She has been overcharged. No one returns her calls. “I’ll get help” she tells JA…”Stay right here”
12:55: JA, sits at a big table for eight people, and gets bored…goes through her coupon book and throws away most of her book, but finds a good one for Rice Krispies (A HIT!) --- this takes about 15 minutes.
1:21pm: Finally gets up. Goes outside the room and yells: “Hey, what’s goin on here! I’ve been waiting over 30 minutes!”
1:25pm: Kathy walks in room “I called someone to come, but they are in a meeting!”
“Okay, I’ll go to lunch and come back. Don’t you have an office here where they take care of the bills?”
“Well, no.”
2:00pm: beep-beep, beep- beep, beep-beep, beep-beep
******
JA has trouble in the lunchroom---they are trying to kill her with the green beans. She calls her husband. “They have me cornered, I was almost poisoned by a three-day old piece of chicken breast, but, I’m okay. I’m not leaving without a fight!”
2:30pm: JA goes back to the office. Kathy calls someone and begs them to come help the lady who has been waiting for over two hours to see someone.
She hangs up the phone: “They are at another location. They will have to drive here, I’m not sure how long that will take. ”
3:00pm: With unbelievably fast movement… JA uses her stealth maneuver…she goes uninvited into the “assistants” office and stands over her desk with an intimidating look. The assistant gets scared.
“How much longer is this going to take again?” She says.
3:04pm: It works! The assistant makes another phone call… a black man comes within two minutes; a black man who was in the building all along!
He is a very high official says Kathy.
3:25pm: They go into the interrogation room…JA pulls out all the evidence, and PROVES that someone in the hospital has been conspiring to steal $275.53 cents from her. The man makes a phone call, says it was an “error.” The reason for no one answering her phone calls, he says was because “all the employees had “mandatory” leave.”
He smiles a lot. But doesn’t say he’s sorry.
JA decides not to pursue this line of questioning any longer. Who knows how many patients were killed due to mandatory vacations? This information might get her killed, or even worse, she might get tied up and sent to a room on the sixth floor.
4:00pm. JA finally leaves the hospital, and goes to Target to pick up cheap dog food. She looks at the sonic toothbrushes and decides that she will get Chloe to find her a cheaper one the internet. After all, there might be important state secrets secretly planted in that aching gum in her back molars…they left a big gap. Must be careful…stay focused.
4:34 pm. Drives to Shop and Save: more shopping. She demands the winning Powerball ticket from the cashier.
4:40:pm: Back at the UNIT, she stresses out, puts up groceries and goes to lie down, turns on the news, and gets call from husband, who is coming home.
5:00pm Talks to husband filling him in on all the action and brags about her razor sharp responses in her battle with the enemy the hospital, bringing her another victory.
JA also says “Hi” to the NSA, who listens to her phone conversations, in order to find out her plans to talk, write, and attack all enemies against the United States. She talks in code again, to lead them on a wild goose chase.
“So, are you hungry?”
NSA Agent, “She just asked him if he was hungry…what’s that mean?”
6:00pm: Husband turns on TV, watches the first two hours of “24” where the woman President can’t figure out who she must save in a terrorist threat: The American people, or the African People. It the hardest decision that she will ever make, so she calls Hillary Clinton who tells her to save Africa, because why else would we be introducing the whole subject of saving Africa to a very conservative Jack Bauer if we weren’t thinking of doing exactly that?!
8:00pm: Grilled cheese for dinner…JA wants to sweep up bird seed, but husband has headache, so she doesn’t. Husband goes to bed.
9:00pm: JA checks out e-mails, reads the headlines, which includes headlines of Ann Coulter being vilified on the VIEW, for wanting children to have fathers.
10:00pm: JA decides she must save Ann from alleviation--Ann after all, is on the job. A great American, JA will go undercover tomorrow, the fight for America is never ending It has been reported that the enemy and corruption go up to the highest levels. In fact, it now IS the highest levels.
12:00am: She takes off her spy-watch. (Okay, I don’t have a spy watch.) Tomorrow will be another exciting day filled with the many adventures of living each day as if it was her last.
Because, with Hillary and Obama, America is in the greatest danger she has ever been.
JA takes her bullets…I mean pills…melatonin. Staying up late tonight is NOT an option, because tomorrow, she will need to protect the yard from explosive gumballs.
Beep, beep…beep, beep, beep-beep, beep-beep...
******
JA has trouble in the lunchroom---they are trying to kill her with the green beans. She calls her husband. “They have me cornered, I was almost poisoned by a three-day old piece of chicken breast, but, I’m okay. I’m not leaving without a fight!”
2:30pm: JA goes back to the office. Kathy calls someone and begs them to come help the lady who has been waiting for over two hours to see someone.
She hangs up the phone: “They are at another location. They will have to drive here, I’m not sure how long that will take. ”
3:00pm: With unbelievably fast movement… JA uses her stealth maneuver…she goes uninvited into the “assistants” office and stands over her desk with an intimidating look. The assistant gets scared.
“How much longer is this going to take again?” She says.
3:04pm: It works! The assistant makes another phone call… a black man comes within two minutes; a black man who was in the building all along!
He is a very high official says Kathy.
3:25pm: They go into the interrogation room…JA pulls out all the evidence, and PROVES that someone in the hospital has been conspiring to steal $275.53 cents from her. The man makes a phone call, says it was an “error.” The reason for no one answering her phone calls, he says was because “all the employees had “mandatory” leave.”
He smiles a lot. But doesn’t say he’s sorry.
JA decides not to pursue this line of questioning any longer. Who knows how many patients were killed due to mandatory vacations? This information might get her killed, or even worse, she might get tied up and sent to a room on the sixth floor.
4:00pm. JA finally leaves the hospital, and goes to Target to pick up cheap dog food. She looks at the sonic toothbrushes and decides that she will get Chloe to find her a cheaper one the internet. After all, there might be important state secrets secretly planted in that aching gum in her back molars…they left a big gap. Must be careful…stay focused.
4:34 pm. Drives to Shop and Save: more shopping. She demands the winning Powerball ticket from the cashier.
4:40:pm: Back at the UNIT, she stresses out, puts up groceries and goes to lie down, turns on the news, and gets call from husband, who is coming home.
5:00pm Talks to husband filling him in on all the action and brags about her razor sharp responses in her battle with the enemy the hospital, bringing her another victory.
JA also says “Hi” to the NSA, who listens to her phone conversations, in order to find out her plans to talk, write, and attack all enemies against the United States. She talks in code again, to lead them on a wild goose chase.
“So, are you hungry?”
NSA Agent, “She just asked him if he was hungry…what’s that mean?”
6:00pm: Husband turns on TV, watches the first two hours of “24” where the woman President can’t figure out who she must save in a terrorist threat: The American people, or the African People. It the hardest decision that she will ever make, so she calls Hillary Clinton who tells her to save Africa, because why else would we be introducing the whole subject of saving Africa to a very conservative Jack Bauer if we weren’t thinking of doing exactly that?!
8:00pm: Grilled cheese for dinner…JA wants to sweep up bird seed, but husband has headache, so she doesn’t. Husband goes to bed.
9:00pm: JA checks out e-mails, reads the headlines, which includes headlines of Ann Coulter being vilified on the VIEW, for wanting children to have fathers.
10:00pm: JA decides she must save Ann from alleviation--Ann after all, is on the job. A great American, JA will go undercover tomorrow, the fight for America is never ending It has been reported that the enemy and corruption go up to the highest levels. In fact, it now IS the highest levels.
12:00am: She takes off her spy-watch. (Okay, I don’t have a spy watch.) Tomorrow will be another exciting day filled with the many adventures of living each day as if it was her last.
Because, with Hillary and Obama, America is in the greatest danger she has ever been.
JA takes her bullets…I mean pills…melatonin. Staying up late tonight is NOT an option, because tomorrow, she will need to protect the yard from explosive gumballs.
Beep, beep…beep, beep, beep-beep, beep-beep...
Labels: Humor
posted by Joyanna Adams at 11:05 PM
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