Nobody Flashes: How Fat is YOUR Dog?

Nobody Flashes: Just because they made it, doesn't mean they will come...

Your dog that is.

I'm wondering...How do you get your dog on one of these things.and make him stay there? Heck, I have trouble staying on mine...especially if I let go of the handles. I usually have to jump off due to heavy breathing... and look over at MY dog who is lying on the bed beside my treadmill with the look on her face that says:

"You're wasting your time."

I've seen people do it. I've actually seen my son's young and very skinny girlfriend run on the darn things. And what's even more maddening is that is that just the other day I went to a Club Fitness where my son is a personal trainer, walked in the door, and felt like I had stepped onto the movie set of the latest SCI-FI movie in 4-D.

"My God!...when did THOSE machines come out!" Said the Edith Bunker. (me)

This new equipment is so much more advanced than the lowly treadmill, that you could actually have a four-course meal, sex with two people at once, drink a gallon of whiskey, and STILL lose weight, while watching FOX news, trade stock, and playing a game of EVIL DEAD.. all at the same time.

Women could do their nails, in fact, I saw a women doing just that, while walking.

I was searching for the cocktail waitress.

Well, I can't tell you how glad I am to know that my son will have a job security in the future because in the future, no longer will we be allowed to have that Oreo Cookie with milk before bedtime if Tom Dascle has anything to say about it...and he will.

He believes that in our the future of medicine there will be a national "preventive" health program, which has already started in England. Fat people, will just have to die. (just kidding)

Sounds good to me, until you figure out the cycle.

Here's how it goes: They pump up the food with hormones, and deplete the soil, and put chemicals to fatten us all up like Butterball turkeys, THEN...tell us we are all too fat.

So that they can make money off us.

The fatter you are, the more you will pay for health insurance, and you will also have to pay (mandatory by your employer, or you won't get that raise) for weight watcher programs to get you thin again, and then you will stop the program because you won't be able to afford it anymore because the food in it is so much more expensive than regular food...then you will just get fat again, and the cycle will start ALL over, and THEN you will get diabetes...

(puff, puff, puff) Okay...SOME of us MIGHT have to just keep on our old outdated treadmills.

And not just us. The last time I took my dog to the Vet...the Vet felt her, looked at me and said...

"OH....so you have been giving her too many treats have you? She's overweight...I have a drug for that, and some literature..."

Hey, my dog is NOT fat...she's all muscle. How dare she insult my dog, just to sell her drugs, so that she can get a big fat paycheck from the drug company...I smiled at her and just got out as quick as I could. Really. The nerve. She should talk.

There is still hope...Oprah is gaining weight...again. And I bet Oprah right now, at this very moment, has her dogs on one of these contraptions....I just bet.

Somebody has to be buying the things...in fact...maybe the fitness clubs should consider putting some right next to the other machines...Americans and their dogs...losing weight..together...

Why now? It would create a lot of new jobs for Club Fitness dog trainers.

Beats the old windmills-killing-birds-green-jobs any old day of the week...

At least that's my nobody opinion.