Monday, September 27, 2010

Aliens...Looking Out for Bill O'Reilly

Nobody Cares...The world woke up this morning to the important news that the United Nations has appointed an ambassador to Aliens, with the Pope's blessings.

Here we see how they handled our first visitor:

Alien: Hello earthlings...I want to speak to the human named Bill O'Reilly.

Ambassador Othman: No, I'm sorry. I am the person who's been appointed by our world's highest council, the United Nations. I represent the Earth, and it is I that will deliver your message to the earth. On behalf of all the people of the world, I would like to welcome you to our planet.

Alien: Who is the man in the cape?

Pope: Your holy alien, it is I, the Pope. Just call me Your Holiness. I am so happy to see you! Welcome!

Alien: What is a pope and what does he do?

Pope: I am the reincarnation of the holy trinity...the father, the son and the holy ghost.

Alien: You have three Gods?

Pope: No, there is only one God, and I represent him on this earth.

Alien: Well, I still want to speak to Bill O'Reilly, please contact him.

Ambassador Othman: Please... you are our honored guest, so I must implore you not to make any mistakes. I know much more about you than Bill O'Reilly..I happen to be an astrophysicist and Bill O'Reilly is nothing more than a television pundit. I am more than capable of handling your visit to our great planet...and I have been chosen to do so..

Alien: I don't care what you do, I want someone who is "fair and balanced" and that is what he claims he is, and your people also claim him to be----the most "fair and balanced" man on the earth, so he is the human I wish to speak with.

Pope: If you will permit me to guide you to my house, the holy Vatican here on Earth, I promise to contact Bill O'Reilly, who is a member of my church! I will personally fly him to the Vatican where all three of us can meet.

Alien: Good. Miss ambassador, you can go. (clicks her off his screen) Now Mr. Pope, tell the human Bill O'Reilly I will meet him by that big rock in (looks at hologram of the earth in front of him)... Mecca. Your Vatican is not capable of holding our ship. We will land our mother ship right on that big rock. It looks perfect for a good landing.

Pope: Oh, I'm afraid that cannot see, no one is allowed near that rock unless you are of an Islamic religion.

Alien: I thought you were the representative of the three Gods? Is this Islamic god not one of them?

Pope: No, I only represent the one true God. The Muslims, who worship around the rock, have another God.

Alien: Just how many Gods do you have and what good are they if they build rocks that you cannot land our spaceship on?

Pope: Please, I must ask you...I have so many questions about the one true God....

Alien: I don't care, be quiet...and get me Bill O'Reilly, and soon too. Or would you rather we just blow up your planet?

Pope: WAIT...NO!!! Wait...Wait...I got him on the phone.

O'Reilly: Ringgg...Rining...(Bill picks up the phone.) Yes...Bill O'Reilly here. Can I help you?
(The Pope tries to speak to Mr. O'Reilly, but the Alien breaks in...)

Alien: Is this Mr. Bill O'Reilly?

O'Reilly: Yes, this is he.

Alien: I have been sent to this planet to give you a message from our leader. I am to say---are you there?

O'Reilly: Yeah...go ahead. (Bill, thinking this is some kind of joke from Glenn Beck, is smiling and looking over his workload for the next week..."Hello?"

Alien: Yes the message I have for you human Bill O'Reilly, great earthling of the people of earth, from the greatest Sarcasin from the planet of Sacasia is..."Who's looking out for you?"

(Nobody makes this stuff up.)



Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

Someone is appointed to talk to aliens on my behalf??

And I was not consulted?

I have spoken to my own alien contact who lives under Ayers Rock and I am advised that any other alien attempting contact has not consulted him either.

11:35 PM  
Blogger Joyanna Adams said...

Perhaps you need to contact the ship directly.

Use your button, to link directly...its implanted behind your ear... didn't know you had a direct link?

Now you do.

11:45 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

Amfortas says:

I too made the initial error of talking of ships. But my alien friend pointed out that ships go on water and there's sod all water out there in deep space.

And the vehicles don't 'fly' either as that requires air.

Aliens have a quite different and unpronounceable word for it that sounds Welsh.

5:40 PM  

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