Nobody's Perfect: Prince Charles...One Stalk Short of a Bennie

"Have You Hugged a Tree Today?" Marilyn Monroe.

Nobody's Perfect:
Prince Charles last week, was caught by a well-hidden reporter.

The Prince was talking while he was standing in the middle of a field. He was talking... to a nearby gigantic oak tree, when the reporter snapped this picture.He quietly turned on his recorder just in time to catch this...


"God, I love you. You are the most beautiful tree in the world...did you know that? I know...I know. I'm trying to save the earth you know. I promise, you will always be the most dear and precious thing in my life. What do you mean? I come here every single day...and sometimes twice on Sundays! Ah...my darling...you are the most beautiful thing in my kingdom...I know, all those other trees can't even hold a candle to you..I love every leaf, every branch. I love the way the wind blows through your boughs."

"Yes, Camilla knows I love you, but...don't worry. She will never find out. No...no my love. She doesn't hold a candle to you. You always smell like a fresh spring morning...How your bark feeling today? Better baby?

"Camilla tends to smell like mummy's old cough medicine. I swear lately, she has really been a pain. I come here to you my love...I'd much rather be here with you...you know that."

"And look at this field! My god...my little precious ones...just LOOK how you have grown? Cut you DOWN? No NEVER...I will never let you be cut down. Once I'm King, I will make it against the law to cut any plant or tree down ever again. In fact, I'm going to save the world for you... you are all my precious little babies...my children."

"GOD...if people were just as wonderful as you are...they are so disgusting...people. We need to get rid of at least 5 billion of them. I promise...I was born to save you all. Oh god, I don't ever want to leave this spot."


As the photographer took this picture, Prince Charles walked over to the tree...put his hand out, very gently and.... What happened next?

I will say no more.

But, when the photographer got back to London, obviously shaken from the thought that he might have been discovered...he read in the papers what the Prince had said that very day:

"I happily talk to the plants and trees, and listen to them. I think it's absolutely crucial. Every tree has a meaning for me. It's almost like they are your children."

Well, that explains it. He'd heard of incest in the Royal line, but never expected to witness it.


Okay, I've hugged a few trees in my nobody lifetime, and I have also been known to try to coax my flowers not to wilt...I apologized to them when I don't' get out to water them. And once, when my father cut down my favorite tree, I cried for hours.

But...If I talk to a tree, I do it because I am lonely...What the hell is his excuse? He's the frigging Prince of Wales for God's sake. And, most importantly, I would never wish billions of people to disappear from the earth, so that the world's plants and trees would thrive.

So, here's my question to you: If Prince Charles had actually came across Marilyn Monroe hugging a tree somewhere in a lonely field, and if she accidentally broke a branch in front of him..what do you think the great Prince of Wales would do?

I say...she might not have lived to kill herself.

Poor Charles...he must be lonely too. So, I'm giving out this invitation to the Prince.

Hey Chuck, you are welcome to come over to my house anytime...I have a bunch of really ugly weeds in my lawn that are getting nothing but curses from me.

I think a bit of Royal love could turn them around. It's up to you Chuck.

Hey, what's the old English saying? One step at a time?

(Nobody Makes This Stuff Up for Fun!)