Nobody Reports Cool Christmas Lists

Nobody Reports---

Getting the Christmas Lists Ready.

Are you ready for Christmas? No? Do you not realize that the very existence of our country depends on just how much you go out and spend in the next 60 days?

Do you not remember the words of President George W. Bush after 9/11?

SAVE THE COUNTRY....GO SHOPPING!

Well...I'm here to help you with that.

First, for those of you that preside on the Federal Reserve Board, Neiman Marcus has a great deal on swimming pools. And this isn't just any old swimming pool, it's a really fantastic blown-glass pool, a sort of Cary Grant doing Acid affect. (He did you know.)

There is a great golden chandelier hanging over the top, and lots of pretty blown glass underneath, and it can be installed in your house for only $1.5 million. BUT...If you want it built by Christmas Day, it will be another $ 20 million-- but hey, if you have the money to fork out for this, another $20 million should be no problem.

For those of you, who, like me, buy the same bottle of perfume for myself every year at Walgreens, (Forget the rest of the family...bake them some pies, remind them we are in a recession), you might consider this very novel present.

This little gem is perfect for the other family members who never buy you anything for Christmas either. So what if they lost their home? That's no excuse.

It's also a perfect gift for family members who can no longer afford cable. It's only $41.98 (Not included are the shipping and handling the fragile CD.)

Yes...you too can learn how to play the guitar with one finger.

And I have the perfect finger picked out, if someone sends this to me.

And last but not least, we must NOT forget our President.

Yes, if you are President of the United States, you will get a free vacation to India to see the Festival of Lights... And also on the trip, you will get a visit to the museum of Gandhi, included with your very own tunnel so that all those pesky poor people starving in India can't drop a coconut that they kept for that purpose (dropping).. on your head.

No, thanks to the American taxpayer, the poor people in the streets of India won't be bothering you for American dollars, which are, believe it or not, still worth something to many Indians. Only the rich Indians will be asking you for money.

I suggest you take along the Neiman Marcus catalog.

You will also have 34 battleships, 45 planes, 4,479 cars, and 3,000 friends to party with, because, it's your dream vacation.

Merry Christmas Mr. President.

And, thanks for asking.

Personally, I would have sent you the one fingered guitar lessons...and you might still receive it.
Especially if WE get attacked here while your out of our country.

If that happens...I'll make sure it's on my list.