Nobody Gets Email: Confessons of a TA

Nobody Gets Email:

I don't know about you, but I could use a break from the riots in Egypt. Seeing 100,000 men walking around in nice sweaters shouting at the top of their lungs reminded me of the last Toga fraternity party I played in Rolla, Missouri. Not to mention, I couldn't for the life me figure out how all the news pundits could go from Cairo to Charlie Sheen so smoothly. As if Charlie has as much importance to America as the Middle East falling apart.

It seems Charlie Sheen has decided to go back into rehab.

Any man who cannot handle six prostitutes, a bucket of cocaine, and twelve bottles of Jack Daniels really needs help.

But enough about Charlie--this email struck my eye this week...it's very clever. It came with no picture so I found one to go with it. I'm sure you agree, especally after his comments this week...it fits perfect.

(Thanks to Tom Beebe)

There was no title: So I made one up:

Confessions of Joe Biden

It started out innocently enough. I began to think at parties now and then---just to loosen up and be a part of the crowd. Inevitably, though, one thought led to another, and soon I was more than just a social thinker.

I began to think alone---"to relax," I told myself---but I know it wasn't true. Thinking became more and more important to me, and finally I was thinking all the time.

That was when things began to sour at home. One evening I turned off the TV and asked my wife about the meaning of life. She spent that night at her mother's.

I began to think on the job. I knew that thinking and employment don't mix, but I couldn't help myself. I began to avoid friends at lunchtime so I could read Thoreau, Muir, Confucius, and Kafka. I would return to the office dizzied and confused, asking, "What is it exactly that we are doing her?"

One day the boss called me in. He said, "Listen, I like you, and it hurts me to say this, but your thinking has become a real problem. If you don't stop thinking on the job, you'll have to find another job."

This gave me a lot to think about. I came home early after my conversation with the boss. "Honey," I confessed, "I've been thinking..."

"I know you've been thinking," she said, "and I want a divorce!" "But Honey, surely it's not that serious." "It is serious," she said, lower lip aquiver.

"You think as much as college professors and college professors don't make any money, so if you keep on thinking, we won't have any money!"

"That's s faulty syllogism," I said impatiently.

She exploded in tears of rage and frustration, but I was in no mood to deal with the emotional drama. "I'm going to the library, " I snarled as I stomped out the door.

I headed for the library, in the mood for some John Locke. I roared into the parking lot with Rush Limbaugh on the radio and ran up to the big glass doors. They didn't open. The library was closed.

To this day I believe that a Higher Power was looking out for me that night. Leaning on the unfeeling glass, whimpering for Emerson, a poster caught my eye, "Friend, is heavy thinking ruining your life?" it asked. You probably recognize that line. It comes from the standard Thinkers Anonymous poster.

This is why I am what I am today: a recovering thinker. I never miss a TA meeting. At each meeting we watch a non-educational video; last week it was "Porky's." Then we share experiences about how we avoided thinking since the last meeting.

I still have my job, and things are a lot better at home. Life just seemed easier, somehow, as soon as I stopped thinking. I think the road to recovery is nearly complete for me.

Today I took the final step...I joined the Democratic Party.