Funky-Butt Fashion

Nobody’s Opinion; You know you’re getting old when you are in complete bewilderment about the fashions you see on the people that are under twenty-five. This enigma has been happening for quite a while, I don’t mean the girls fashion, of course that makes sense. As the picture above, as when I was a teenager, the shorter the skirt, the more skin shown, the more evocative the effect, which is what you want when your young. And ugly is a brand logo to sell clothes, clever.

But, something else was happening. Something that has a bigger meaning and it’s been bugging me, and almost nobody talks about it.

The other day, while walking out of my local fast food restaurant, I noticed two teenage boys walking across the parking lot. It was 95% outside, and these guys had on baggy jeans that were at least XXXXXL, or in other words, you could have put 3 cases of beer, two bottles of tequila, four bags of chips, and a small volts wagon inside.

The hems were dragging on the dirty concrete, which I suppose is why they were walking so slowly, in fact walking was a major effort.

And then, they had white tee-shirts on that were XXXXXXXXXXXXL. NO mother in the world, who wanted to secretly sabotage these monstrosities of bed sheets by putting it through the hot cycle ten times, would not have even get those shirts to shrink enough to get the shirt up above the knees.

On their heads, were the obligatory baseball caps.

The first I thought is; god, they have got to be hot! The second thought is…if they had to run, they would take about three steps, and fall down flat because if their pant cuffs didn’t trip them up, then their shirt would.

And we’ve all laughed at the funky- butt crack, when the pants just fall down.

So what’s up with these funky- butt street clothes? If the plan was to have enough room to steal half the store and not be noticed, if caught you wouldn’t get too far.

And here’s the catch, most of the kids feel really decked out in their funky clothes. I don’t know who started this, which is the half street rapper / half clown design, but from the perspective of comfort, they are off by a long shot.

It must be tough.

Last winter while walking around the local mall, I noticed that the stores were filled with jeans which all contained holes in the pants. Got to be cold. Was I the only one who thought it was stupid? Just what genius designer decided to sell jeans at $80 a pop that look like they were taken off the local homeless man? Do they want the kids sick? Now, I know…being cold doesn’t get you sick, but the kids also had a bizarre habit of not wearing coats. It could be -10 degrees outside and the most you would see…was a thin leather jacket. Oh yeah..., I remember the adds for jeans…most of the kids had no clothes on. It’s a shame they have to be told that it’s actually cool to not dress for the weather.

And we as parents are totally ashamed that our own kids, who we thought we taught to have a little common sense, fall prey to the fashion masters and peer pressure. Most of them refuse to shop at K-mart, or pay less than $120 for tennis shows.

We are a nation of advertising genius, if nothing else.

During the sixties, the sexual revolution got a nice kick start with the mini-skirt. Now those skirts are about as short as you can get, just about cheerleader length. And the tops look like lingerie. They sometimes show the dummies with jeans underneath. I guess so that all you have to do to go to bed at night is take off your jeans. Nice.

What conclusion did I come to? The woman’s clothing has been getting skimpier, and there is almost no difference in rich and poor.

In other words, it’s almost as if the rich teenagers are to look just the same as the poor teenagers, so that there is no jealousy, and the big gap that is spreading between the rich and the poor won’t be noticed by the masses. That’s why they keep showing “Cribs” on MTV…to show the poor blacks that there are actually blacks who are really rich. It’s another example of social engineering with the help of the fashion designers. And MTV is a social engineering dictator’s dream.

The only difference is that the rich will pay $75 dollars for those holy jeans, and the poor can get by with $40 dollars Both classes get robbed.

I went looking the other day for a nice white, well-tailored made woman’s suit. The kind that you would have seen on the old movie stars of the war years. You know, the jacket is actually lined…? Boy was I dreaming. I miss dressing up, but now it seems the only time you see beautiful clothes anymore is at a wedding, or the Oscars, which is the only reason anyone watches it.

I give that in a few years even the stars at the Oscars will be showing up in jeans, because it will politically incorrect to show off your wealth.

The one thing that won’t ever change is the limos and jets. That’s a fashion that will never be outdated, they will just be run on ethanol.


Nobody’s Perfect; Russia has given Chavez jets, helicopters, and lots of guns. Gee, and we had tried so hard to be their friend.

Nobody Knows; When Louis Armstrong, the famous American jazz trumpet player was young, his favorite honky-tonk in New Orleans was called the Funky-Butt, where the trousseau was much classier than anything you would see today.

Nobody Cares; I saw bell bottoms come in to style twice in my lifetime. As long as they don’t bring back the paisley print shirt with fruit loops, I think I will be able to handle it most any fashion.
Hey, if those two guys were so stupid to be winter clothes on a hot summer day, it's no sweat off my funky-butt.

And if you have worn these extra large sizes, please tell me what it’s like, and if you actually have a working job. I'm curious...I've even gotten used to funky tongues barbs. Just don't kiss me.