Head-Butting For Dollars

Nobody’s Opinion: How many of you have gotten a head-butt? I was thinking about this today while trying to avoid filling up my gas tank. Notice, I said I’m avoiding it. I’ve decided to put off filling up my tank because I just know I’m going to get a major head-ache when I take out the nozzle and look at the pump.

Like most Americans I’ll be going “I can’t believe it, I can’t believe it.” While punching my head with my fist.

They are stealing from us! They are making super ka-trillion dollars! These oil men will be able to buy more property on the moon, and even build gas stations up there for Tom Cruise to fill up his moon-buggy, while I snack on pretzels.

I get this major feeling of “not again,” and it doesn’t only happen when I find out that the price of gas rose fifty cents on a Friday afternoon or right before a major holiday.

There seems to be a new (but old) game that going on in more ways than one, and it’s being played by the big boys.

Much like that French guy who head-butted the Italian guy at the end of the World Soccer Match, I’ve decided we are getting head-butted by the government and CEO’s on a daily basis.

And it’s being done mostly for dollars…ours. The game of Head-butt for dollars goes like this;

For instance: We all remember when gas was around $1.60 a gallon, right? Then it went up to $1.75. Okay we thought. We didn’t like it, but alright. THEN it went up to $1.95 a gallon.

Whoooh, wait a minute….that’s not fair we thought, that’s almost two bucks a gallon. Then they made it $1.98….

And just when we were complaining the loudest, it came down, back to $1.90 a gallon.

Head-butt! You have just been head-butted for dollars. You feel so glad that the price came down, that you accepted paying the price as even reasonable. Whew! It finally came down, you think.

Forgetting that not too long ago it was $1.60 a gallon---you have been knocked senseless.

Fast-forward to the Iraq war, where we were lead to believe we were not only going to get bin Laden in pieces, but cheaper oil prices. We cruised along for a while.

But 2006 is an election year. So, while Al Gore is going around pontificating the end of the world, the price of gas goes up to $2.06…then $2.26…then $2.66….then…oh-my-God…it’s $2.96! And that’s In Missouri. In California, where there is no reason for any sanity, it was already $3.00 a gallon. Now it’s over $3.00 here and it will go higher than…

Head-butt! It will come down to maybe $2.99 or $3.02 and we will all feel very happy.

Then a bit of time will go by, and it will start all over again.

This head-butting for dollars is a favorite game of the big guys. They basically screw you on something, and then come back with a little “favor” making you think that you are getting a real deal.

Here’s another favorite: The eminent domain head-butt.

The whole nation was shocked when the Supreme Court passed a law that said anybody could come in and take your property. Our constitutional right to property was banished with the flick of a pen.

The silence in the White House and the Congress was defeating. Silence. Complete. Only a few of the news outlets like Hannity & Colmes really made a big deal of it. The big guys in Washington were all holding their breathe, hoping we were too busy being head-butted by Iraq and gas prices that we would be too dazed to think about it what had just happened.

And then, slowly, here and there, people were losing their homes, to developers. Some, who have very hard heads, were very mad… not good in an election year.

So, here in Missouri, the Republicans wanted us to know the good news that they are going to do something about this.

They passed a bill that says WHEN that developer comes in to takes our land; they have to pay an additional 50 percent of the lands value.

Head-butt! You will still lose your land, sucker. And the taxpayer is going to have to fork out more money! But don’t you feel better?

And another favorite; our schools are lousy. Our children are all growing up to be recyclers that know how to fit condoms on bananas that they can’t count.

This has been going on for so long, it can only be intentional. Affirmative action helped keep the mop calm, but now the Mexicans, who have even less education than us, are taking over many of the jobs of the working classes, and they will soon outnumber us.

We found out, we’ve been had.

So what do they do? Instead of getting rid of the teachers unions and revising and improving the whole mess…they give us--- vouchers!

Head-butt! Too much money goes into political campaign coffers from the teachers unions. The vouchers somehow have cost more money to be poured into the worthless system, but they did convince many that it would work…(even though maybe only 3 kids have actually used them)

Hey, this head-butt thing works pretty good, they think. People were really upset on MayDay, watching the invasion….

Head-butt! They are seriously discussing it in the Senate, they will secure the borders, the house is going into action, the Senate will find a solution---next year, after the election.

We have to wait for our obligatory head-butt for quite sometime right before 2008.

Yeah, I know, I’m getting a headache just writing this.

So, I’d advise you to go get a helmet, because otherwise you are going to have one big head-butt headache.

Actually, I think before we get any more head-butts we should go for the good old Congress body-slam.

Where’s my pads?

Nobody’s Perfect; Let’s face it. Head-butting is not cool. Slamming your delicate brain, which can be dislodged with not too much force, is really stupid. Most of us are having enough trouble trying to make it through life’s pitfalls. Which may be the reason the Americans don’t take to the game of soccer, we get head-butted enough by having to put up with politicians who take our money, our rights, and don’t think twice about playing sucker games.

Nobody Knows: There is a website that will tell you how to correctly butt a head. Go for it, especially if you hate all conservatives, Jews, and Ann Coutler.

Nobody Cares; A jockey in London head-butted his horse after the horse threw him. Some courage that took. He is now a Member of Parliament. (Just kidding)