Nobody's Absurdities, No. 6

Nobody’s Opinion: Since life is basically made up of various degrees of impervious absurdities, (according to my favorite Dr. Who, Tom Baker) here again in no order of importance, are some absurdities that I really need to unload, because according to his lecture (which I was attending) when things get bad, it’s best to not take life seriously.
So, I’ll start with the most absurd first.

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Okay, if you happened to be the only one visiting this site that did NOT read the article about scrotums, you might want to check it out. You will learn that the dartos muscle on a man is as important as the muscles inside women. ( I have no idea what the woman's muslce is called.) What I want to know is…which one is stronger? And does it matter? If you have seen the video’s made by pilots who go to the Philippines a lot, then your opinion may not be counted as unbiased.

Dartos would be a good logo for some new company, or a secret name for a chat room.
I’ll be looking for a Dartos “potato clock,” to make my day. This is not to be confused with Darvos, who was Dr. Who’s evil nemesis. Actually Darvos was a real dartos.

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In the world news of course, we are seeing all kinds of maudlin pictures from the Middle East that you always see in war. You know, little Muslim baby gets hit in stomach--- mother is fine. (Which makes you wonder, was she out of the room when this happened?) When bombs are falling all around, how is it that the baby gets hit in the stomach and the mother doesn't? Just a thought.

What I find most interesting is this new interest in the news of keeping kill scores. So far, 381 have been killed in Lebanon, and 36 have been killed in Israel. I’d say the game goes to the Jews. In Philadelphia last year, 360 were killed, and in Somalia, 680. I think the Philly’s are losing.

In Iraq, they stopped keeping score because there are more Iraq’s being killed than Americans now. The press knows that it’s the American kills that count so …the Americans must be winning because we are not losing as many men---but the liberals don’t want that to get out, because that’s good news.

Still, William F. Buckley, the man who is the poster boy for how to talk about anything and sound superior even if wrong, said that President Bush has lost the war. He doesn’t mention that he might be losing his own mind…

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Some guy (I’m assuming it was a man) just spent $225,000 for a bottle of Tequila. It was wrapped in gold and platinum. Today, I bought a bottle of Raspberry wine for eight dollars, and I am convinced I got the better deal.

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You can now buy tickets to go into a live volcano in Washington State. Yes, you can go right up and get in the center of Mt. St. Helen, take your life in your own hands and go out in a big way. But, if you live in San Diego, the drive there might be just as dangerous.

I suggest all Hezbollah in our country hurry up there right away. At the top are many virgins which will help your dartos muscles and your faith. Go ahead, jump in.

John Kerry, the man who went around riding bikes in leotards to met rich woman, said today, “If I were President, this wouldn’t have happened.”--meaning the war. I’m laughing as I read this statement. For one man to have such an important opinion of himself… to actually think that he could stop thousands of years of hatred, makes you realize that we came really close to having to listen to that guy for four years. I think I’m going to write the CEO of Hunts Catsup, and thank him. (Hey, it’s not own by Teresa too…is it?)

Jan Egeland, a man who calls himself a humanitarian, wants the United Nations to rebuild Beirut. He says this will cost in the end, billions. Israel is being really mean for wreaking this beautiful nation according to Jan. The trouble is-- you know who ends up paying for everything…don’t you? Bend over.

Wait, we have muscles to protect…forget that last comment.

What I never understand is why is it that whenever any nation in the world gets trashed for whatever reason, Americans have to go and build it up again, and pay for it? Who in the world started this “humanitarian” concept?

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Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez, the two new best communist friends, took a public trip to Che’s Guevara’s boyhood home in Cuba. What they did inside this little place, no one knows, and no one cares, but it was done to scare us I suppose.

Hugo is excided because Fidel is going to send doctors and medical help to Venezuela. Well, according to our news, we are in desperate need of Spanish speaking help in our hospitals here. Maybe Castro should send some medical doctors that speak Spanish to help us out here in the United States. After all, why should Hama’s and Hezbollah be the only ones sneaking into the country?

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Nobody’s Perfect; Landis, the guy who just won that French bike race that seems to be all the rage, is from an American religious family. The French have just got to hate that. In fact, I was wondering the other day about President Bush taking up bike riding, and then I thought…well, if there is one place that you can have a private conversation away from body guards and spies, I suppose a bike would be a good place.

Nobody Knows; Speaking of President Bush, has anyone ever found out why his dad did not go into Iraq the FIRST time and get rid of Saddam? That’s a question that no reporter has ever really gone after. Everyone at the time was going…WHAT? We are at the border and…we leave him alone? Okay, who killed Kennedy? And what did Buddy the dog know?

Nobody Cares: I’m hoping nobody cares that I’m being really silly tonight, because if I hear WWIII is here one more time, I’m going to actually go on a starvation diet. (Just kidding) That’s after I eat the fig newtons I bought today.