Nobody's Absurdities, No 7

Nobody’s Opinion: I went shopping today. Sounds simple, unless you hate to shop as I do and in this I realize I am not a normal female. In fact, because I hate it so much I make sure the last thing I do is go with another female to a mall. To me it’s like the last year of changing diapers, you can’t wait till it’s over. I’d have more fun if you told me to go count the grains of sand on a beach.

So, since I wasted four hours out of a perfectly good day, absurdities are in order…anything else would not be coherent due to the fact that my brain was damaged from looking at too many shoes. I am convinced that 50% of the slave labor in China just make shoes for Americans, and none of these shoes are made to last more than one year. If we are attacked someday by the Chinese, all we need to do is rush into our local malls, gather the shoes, and throw them at the enemy.

And my first pick will be those new ones just out for women, you know--- the tennis shoe high heels? Can you say the word…fugly? Please---a memory of tennis high heels in green paisley print that I saw today is coming into my mind. There is only so much one can take, so onto the absurdities.

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Someone, high up, somewhere, has decided that NOW is the perfect moment to tell the world that UFO’s really do exist. While our nation is being invaded with our new welfare children (who love to reproduce), Armageddon is being programmed in the Middle East, and the whole world is melting in extreme heat waves of Al Gore’s global warming.

They figure no one will care.

Frankly, Al Gore should care about people filling up the earth with discarded shoes, but he has not said a word.

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Buzz Aldrin just made a statement in England that all three of the astronauts on Apollo 11 saw a spacecraft which followed them when they were up there being famous, and of which they were all convinced was a UFO. They’ve just kept it quiet like they were told to.

And the government wonders why we don’t trust them.

Well, it’s either true, or they are making Buzz say this because then the politicians of the world will just blame the “aliens” if the world gets too messed up. When it comes to mistakes, it’s always the other guys fault, and they are running out of scapegoats.

Of course, all pictures that were taken of the craft from Apollo 11 have been removed and placed in the secret vault of government secrets, wherever that is.

Probably in China…

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Kofi Annan today was really in a huff about a UN outpost being hit. He insisted it was “deliberate.” The real reason he was upset was that a Chinese observer was killed, and now the Chinese want an apology from the Israelis, although of course he didn’t mention that. I remember the last time the Chinese were hanging out in a country called Kosovo while it was being bombed, they got hit then too.

Bill Clinton who was President (by default) at the time said it was a mistake, the map was old he said.

What is it with these people? Everyone one else is scrambling to get out from beneath the bombs. Kofi Annan asking Israeli to please, just skip over our complex while your bombing is like asking a doctor to please, just make the vaccine skip my liver will you?

You’d think that the Chinese and the UN would get out of countries that are being bombed. What’s up with that? It’s their own fault for not leaving. I mean, how absurd is that?

This nobody thinks they learned this trick from the terrorists, who hide anywhere that will get press and sympathy (women, babies, and electrical grids hiding places)---so that when the structures are bombed they can go on the news and paint the other side as ruthless killers, therefore making themselves look like victims.

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Hassan Nasrallah, the Hezbollah Sheik has said that they had no idea that the Israeli’s were going to start a war when they decided to kidnap a few guys. The story has changed from the Hezbollah wanting the release of 1500 prisoners to...oh no…we just wanted to exchange for three of our guys.

He has been listening to Howard Dean.

It was too much of a shock to the Sheik to understand that a country which is being threatened with nuclear annihilation from all sides, a country that has put up with suicidal bombings every other week--- to finally say, “We’ve had it.”

I bet Hassan even knows about the UFO’s and is not telling. I want to send him some shoes. Speaking of shoes----

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I got a kick out of the Senate making it illegal for anyone to take a woman (the age was not mentioned) into another state for an abortion without her parents consent.

So what if the “woman” takes herself and goes alone? Is this a loophole? Do they think a 13- year-old couldn’t figure out how to take a bus? What will they do? Sue Greyhound?

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Our wonderful “Senate, “ which might as well be run by aliens, voted to build a 750 mile fence on our border, only to come back and vote again not to fund it. Now they are going at everything that is not pertaining to the invasion, aren’t they? Flags...guns...

Hey, maybe they can put Martha Stewart back in jail.

This is also why I blame the Senate for my mentally disturbing trip to the mall. I realized for the first time that Spanish music was being piped instead of the usual fifties and sixties music.

Not a good sign.

I was dodging whole legions of Mexican dads and moms, and all their little ones, who were running around the mall and yelling at each other in Spanish.

I don’t know how they deal with it in Texas. Go ahead, this nobody could use some tips. It’s new to us here in Missouri. They obviously have heard about all the great shoes here.

The brave minutemen have said that 10,000 illegal aliens come into our country every day, and by 2050, the Americans will be in the minority.

I’m in trouble, because the only Spanish word I know is… Puta, which my first boyfriend (who was from Costa Rica) taught me, but refused to tell me what it meant. Of course he would laugh every time I said it…something tells me if I had said it in the mall, no one would have laughed.

The good news is that China will be able to dock in the new port of Mexico and put millions of more shoes onto the NAFTA superhighway to Kansas City, and put shoes on all the little Mexican feet in North America.

I plan to go start digging underground. I might make it to China…that is if I don’t run into too many shoes blocking my way.

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Nobody’s Perfect; Hillary is at it again---not only is there now a marble bust of her, which makes her look like Caligula, she also suggests that we give free housing to firemen and policemen. Hillary has a horrible habit of wanting to redistribute all the hard working money from the middle classes to special ones she will give to. She is having a hard time not showing her proclivities to communism. This is going to piss an awful lot of people off.

Hillary knows that she is going to need lots of policemen and firemen, to guard her after she initiates her insane globalizations dictatorship plans, not to mention her statue.

Nobody Knows; If there is one remaining shoe manufacturing plant left in the United States. I doubt it.

Nobody Cares; The United States used to make shoes, and really good ones. You could go into a shoe store, and get your foot measured, and a clerk would help you find the perfect fit. Now, you walk into a warehouse as big as two football fields, and there is only one stool to sit down to try your shoe on, and it’s in the middle of the store. It takes you five minutes just to get there, and then you find that the shoe you picked out to try on---doesn’t fit.

But, despite all of this, most women just love to go shopping for shoes. I’m just not one of them.