Meltdown Sundae of Conspiracies

Nobody’s Opinion: This heat wave has brought out some really heavy and brilliant political thinking on MND, something of which I will not even try to attempt, as my brain is freezing right now in my little air-conditioned room. Nevertheless, I laid out in the sun today, against all warnings, and for one hour, my melting hot fudge sundae brain pondered up some questions and absurdities that only one suffering from radiation can surmise; so here are some conspiracy nuts to ponder:

**********

Everyone was talking about conspiracy theories on the radio stations today. Someone released a report saying that one third of Americans think that our government was involved in the 9/11 destruction of the World Trade Center. "Poppycock" said most of the hosts.

The theory is that the current administration did this on purpose to get America into a war, just so President Bush could go over to Iraq.

On the other hand, it could have been a sinister democratic strategy by Bill Clinton, who still has loyal minions everywhere, to hurt the Republicans. (Although, no one has suggested it, which means there may be more truth to it.)

Hey, when there are trillions and trillions of dollars to be made and hidden in off-shore accounts…this nobody says all bets are on, and I’m here to tell you that you can actually hear brain cells melting in 102 degrees Fahrenheit.

One guy from New Jersey called in to one show and explained in incredible sounding detail, how the planes actually melted instantly into liquid on impact thereby causing the three main steel beams to melt. He said all the people who believe in conspiracy theories are mentally disturbed. Another expert (promoting his book) from Popular Mechanics, went into greater detail about how all the theories have been tested, and there are no conspiracies.

What nobody ever mentions is that a whole nation watched in disbelief on 9/11, when two buildings went down so perfectly, and in such a timely matter, we were looking for Bruce Willis. Then we started hearing the “conspiracy theories,” and after that--- the refutation of the theories, both of which are too numerous to mention. We ended up totally confused not knowing what to believe.

Which is the point, isn’t it? What…did you think it was only the open borders they want to control?

**********

I have been noticing a real blitz of propaganda from the USA Today online pictures of the war in the Middle East, but I am told accordingly by most intellectuals and scientists that to even think there is a “conspiracy” against Israel by an American paper is bordering on insanity.

Ok…has Barbra Streisand bought the paper? She’s Jewish isn’t she? Is she hanging out with Mel? Are they secret lovers?

Everyone knows that it’s a very small handful of people that control our media. Even Reuters today had an article titled, “Some Cubans Enjoy Comforts of Communism.”

After all, they get a free education on how to live under a dictator and not go crazy. They actually NEVER want to leave Castro’s paradise due to the wonderful free medical care; they might starve, but then again, look how hard the Americans have to work. (hint, hint)

No conspiracy to get us thinking communism is better than democracy here.

That’s why I suppose, 70,000 Cubans drowned last year trying to reach America. They are anxious to spread the comforts of communism.

Which reminds me…when Clinton insisted little Elian go back to Castro, how come we didn’t hear any conspiracy theories about that? I was thinking maybe nukes were aimed at Bill’s House. (This is what Bill thought the White House was) Or maybe Castro had one of his kids.

**********

Speaking of Bill Clinton, (must I?) he has been praising Al Gore today, saying that Al was a real partner in his administration. Why he waited until now to say this is beyond me. Now that we have one of the hottest summers on records, Bill doesn’t miss a beat to latch on to the environmental star of Al Gore. Since he has started the new initiative of global recycling mayors, he might need Al to make another movie.

He has also latched onto Lieberman, (that neo-con democrat) to show everyone that he and Hillary both support the war, because THEY could do it so much better.

Lieberman, the ultimate lapdog, who, if you remember when he was running with Al Gore as Vice President, renounced anything conservative he had said in the past, and was leaning so far to the left he made the Tower of Pisa look straight, has been chosen as the sacrificial lamb for the next election.

And Sean Hannnity today was praising Lieberman up and down…this nobody wonders…has he gone over to the dark side? Or is it the heat? ( I almost said “in”)

Everyone knows that it is Lieberman that the democrats are hoping will get enough votes as an independent to push Hillary into office, so is Sean thinking Lieberman will take votes away from Hillary? Is this another conspiracy? Does he need a drink of cool water?

**********

Then there’s the conspiracy about JFK--- was he killed by one bullet that went six ways? Did the Mafia kill him because his brother was such a pest? (So they killed him too?) Did LBJ have him killed because he wanted to be President, and prolong the war in Vietnam? Was he killed by the secret world leaders because he was going to get rid of the Federal Reserve? Was Lincoln killed because HE was going to get rid of the Federal Reserve?

And what are the chances that two of the most beloved and best looking, very rich people in the world just happen to have accidents during the Clinton administration? JFK Jr and Princess Diana were on the cover of People magazine more than any other celebrities. (Dianna beat JFK out because she had more outfits.)

Was JFK JR. really a horrible pilot, or was that Senatorial run he was thinking about in New York just too much for Hillary to bear? Why the big cover-up funeral at sea?

And Princess Diana, was her driver just drunk? Does it actually take over four hours to get to the local Paris hospital after a major accident? Didn’t she actually say how Charles would kill her? Did Camille just get tired of waiting? Or was it the fact that she made them all look like the snobs they really are?

Hey wait, I’m on a roll….

Let’s not forget the fact that FDR had 17 communists working in his administration. (According to actaul fact finder, Ann Coulter) and that Pearl Harbor was a set up to get us into WWII.

And the fact that Marilyn Monroe was maybe killed because she was having too much sex with both Kennedy brothers and she was going to say something...

And Roswell actually did happen, but the government doesn’t want you to know that maybe there are beings smarter than our Congress in the universe?

And my most favorite one of all….there is a new world government, a shadow government that has been planning the fall of America for over forty years, who are putting in place a One World Governemtn, …mostly a bunch of bankers who run our lives, and pick our Presidents, and Congress, and are setting up for us all to be chipped, cataloged, manipulated by propaganda, and then euthanized to get some some people off of Medicare, thereby saving some money.

Nothing like a little whipped cream on top of the nuts.

The truth is out there said Fox Mulder….and this nobody says, there is usually some truth to a lie, because according to Goebbels, it spins better that way.

It’s just discerning the nuts from the cherries that are hard.

Tell me if you figure it out. I’m starting to melt.


Nobody’s Perfect; It has been reported that our illegal immigrants, who are coming here to do jobs “that no one else will do” (The President new revised mantra) has left 25 million pounds of trash in Arizona alone, to be picked up soon by Al Gore--- we hope. Hey, isn’t that trash messing up our environment and killing a few animals, Al? What, is it just Polar Bears you care about? How about all the poor mice getting sick off this stuff?

Nobody Knows; Hundreds of thousands of Shiites protested in Bagdad today saying “Death to America…Death to Israel!” and unlike the rest of the Muslim world, they were very well behaved. Did they think a couple of US bombers might unload by mistake?

Nobody Cares; India today has banned Coke and Pepsi from being sold in their country unless they release the secret ingredient to their product.

Well, the big companies have been trying to get the US patent office to join into a One World Patent for everyone for years. This would be a good step for the big guys to give it up, like they want the little inventors to do. HA!

Nobody Wins; Wait..we are all suppose to die in 2012, and the Capitol is being moved to Colorado as we speak. What can I say? This means I can have another Hot Fudge Sundae, because it’s only six years off.