Nobody's Asurdities, No. 11

Nobody’s Opinion; “We interrupt this regularly scheduled program to report that the moon has landed…”

Wait...actually, it’s not the moon, it’s a man (at least for now) named John Karr. He has gotten off the plane, in which all of us thought he should have been handcuffed and dragged in an orange jumpsuit out of the cargo exit, was instead, due to the fact that he is one of those gay men, (which mean potential lawsuits) who had kids like Michael Jackson, to hid the fact that he prefers men, or little girls, or little boys, or maybe he’s bi-sexual…who can’t decide if he wants to be a girl, or a boy, or a hermaphrodite, or just Jon Benet. Actually, this nobody is anxious to know just what the heck he wants to be, besides famous.

Nevertheless, the powers that be thought they’d treat him to lots of alcohol, a fine meal, and kudu’s of “How did you do it, you clever man?”--- trying to get him to brag about how clever he is.

And if he did it, he doesn’t want you to think just how brutally he did this, bashing her head in, choking her with a cavort, and who knows what else…no, she fell on the hammer, the poor girl…drugging her sounded much more sweeter than a stun gun.

One can understand the agents wanting a conviction, but aren’t we going a bit overboard here?

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McCain this weekend on Meet the Press, was asked if he was running for President, to which he answered that he didn’t know, but he met a fine pig named Waldo, in Iowa.

I think PETA should get right on this. If they can complain about a dead pig being used in a nude art exhibit, they can certainly save poor Waldo’s reputation from being used as a political ploy by a Republican. (Who’s really a Democrat.) The proof being that he said that Lieberman was a fine man and he would not run against him due to that very fact. Lieberman today said that Rumsfeld should be dismissed, I guess McCain thinks that statement was fine too.

Of course John can say this because the chances of turtle-faced John McCain running against ferret-faced Joe Lieberman in a Presidential election, has about as much a chance of happening as all the pigs in Iowa suddenly talking English and then running to the polls to vote.

Many Americans will vote for the most photogenic candidate next election due to the absolute absurdities in our choices. After all, we have to look at them day after day.

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Speaking of pigs, my husband and I went to our local Midwestern gathering of the “last thing to die before Wal-Mart outlaws it,” …the family fair.

You know, it’s part of American’s history. People come from all over and put up hundreds of booths where people try to make a few extra bucks selling their hobbies. Of course the hobbies all resemble do-it-yourself kits from Wal-Mart. You eat lots of hot dogs, drink lots of bottled water, funnel cakes, ice cream, and this year’s sponcer was Pepsi. Which means…if you wanted a Coke, tough.

The highlight was walking past the old farm machines which were dragged out of old destroyed barns, and they actually still work…John Deere…eat your heart out! The old farmers standing next to them, usually with a beer gut which makes them very brave indeed because they are always leaning over these machines to start them up. If asked they will tell you exactly how old the machine is (85,000 years give or take a few) and just what it does, to which of course you nod your head and act like you understand what they are saying, and smile, and say “amazing!” You really want to ask them why they don’t junk the old things, and how does the wife like the smell of gasoline in her kitchen, but you know better. Then the old guys go home fulfilled with their destiny to come the next year and educate the computer nerds who have no clue what life is all about.

I love these guys.

As for pigs? Well, there were no real pigs anywhere, but that doesn’t mean a lot of people weren’t thinking about them.

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Now, for some reason this makes me go to the subject of Madonna who has claimed that her religion, Kabala, has a magic potion that will make all the nuclear waste in the world go away. She said, “We are not going to have a planet in 50 years.”

Poor Madonna, all the good deeds are being grabbed. Bill Gates has all the diseases. Bill Clinton has aids. Al Gore has gas... (In more ways than one), she just needed something...

Actually, I think we will have to wait 50 years for her to admit that she is a Jew.

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And speaking of ‘causes,” we now find out that the environmentalists at the Montréal Protocol 17 years ago, decided to ban the CFC’s that were destroying the Ozone layer, only to have it replayed with chemicals like hydrochloroflourocarbons (HCFC) and their byproducts, hydro fluorocarbons (HFC) which is causing more damage than if they had
left it alone…and STILL

Do the liberal Nazi’s apologize? No, somehow will be George W. Bush’s fault.

Al Gore will be sure to include this on his CD version of “The Inconvenient Truth” Which will not include the actual inconvenient truth that Al Gore and the liberals really 3@#$% up the ozone, by just being stupid.


Nobody’s Perfect; During the reconstruction of Katrina, it is reported that somebody stole $100,000 worth of construction equipment that was being used to build a memorial to the victims. Add that to the billions lost to FEMA credit cards, and the billions lost to the four contractors hired by the government to clean up the debris (who then turned around and hired sub contractors at 4 to 6 times less than they billed us for) and you got some serious money being lost.

Nobody’s Knows; This same thing happened just last week here in Missouri. Some guys, who had a lawn care business, had their sheds broken into and all their lawn mowers and tools stolen. They had to lay off half their work force.

Also last week, someone reported here that their apple tree and peach tree in their yard was picked clean overnight. This woman was really upset because every year she makes pies to store and jam.

According to a neighbor, a truck pulled up and voila…I suppose this fruit was needed for some poor people on their way to New Jersey.

Anyway, that explains all the tarp being put over highway equipment.

I can’t help but surmise, since this is a new thing, that the Mexicans are finding out it’s better to be your own boss.

As for this nobody, all the Mexican roofers took from me was my beloved pet turtle, George…who really was a female, who had lived with me for 15 years. My hope is that she ended up a pet, instead of a pie.

Nobody Cares: Getting back to the moon, with all this new planet finding going on, and everyone wondering if they should reprint all the science books, they are actually contemplating whether to call the moon a planet.

After the events of the last two years, I don’t think we’d care if they called it the planet NEO, as long as they don’t name it after a politician. Reprinting books is one thing, but rewriting all songs with the word “moon” in it would be just too much for this nobody to bear.