The Apocalyptic Paroxysm of Numbers

Nobody’s Opinion; Iran’s nutcase, Ahmadinejad, who dresses like he hangs out on Martha’s Vineyard (for all we know, he has been there) instead of the religious cleric that he claims to be, has announced today that the apocalyptic end of time will come on; August 22, 2006.

There’s that number 22 again.

That gives me only thirteen days to see Yosemite, the Redwood Trees, and Las Vegas: write the two novels I’ve been thinking about, get my product into all sports parks, and redecorate my house: throw away all the junk in the basement, build a bunker in the backyard, and stock it with enough food to last two months: see the ocean again, learn how to skydive, and go whitewater rafting down the Colorado River…and if there’s any time left, visit the Castles in Europe.

Okay, it’s official. This insane man wants to end the world, despite the warnings of Pat Buchanan to the contrary.

It seems in 874 A.D., some imam named Mahdi jumped down into a well and is still there…and he will only be released when the time is right by an “apocalyptic” moment, in which he will jump out of the well he will save the Earth by converting us all to Shiite Islam. Ahmadinejad believes he has been chosen to do this deed. He is going to release Mahdi from the well, with probably a nuclear weapon.

This sounds pretty much like the second coming of Jesus, except Jesus will be coming down from the sky.

You would think these two religions would get together on this.

Okay, bad idea. But this particular number, 22, got me worried because, something has been happening to millions of people all over the planet for years now that is really crazy.

In fact, it happens to me all the time. There are whole websites trying to explain it, but like the reason men always go to war when it’s obviously a really stupid way to settle disagreements, it cannot be explained, although many give it a good try.

What is that you ask? They see the numbers 2.22 or 1.11, on a clock. Or they see these numbers just anywhere during the day. I tend to get them on my lotto tickets, but people have sent them on just about anything you can think of, even divorce papers, bingo cards, and dog tags.

Hey, I’m not making this up. There have been whole radio talk shows on this, and to those of us that it happens to, it can drive you crazy, because if your NOT superstitious like this nobody, (I have never avoided a black cat in my life) having something so bizarre go on in your life which you have absolutely no control over, not unlike foreign insane leaders with nukes, is not fun.

Now, people have always been suspicious. Ball players will use just one bat until it finally cracks. Nadia Comm had her teddy bears to bring her luck. Hillary had séances with Eleanor Roosevelt, and Nancy Reagan would hire astrologers to forecast her husband’s day.

The number 13 was always considered so unlucky that for many years the 13th floor was left off of high rise buildings.

But 22, that number is special, because according to numerology it is the highest number in the universe…the master number. And 11 is right under it. And as David Ickes said tonight on Coast to Coast AM with George Noory, 22 equals two 11’s.

Once I even saw the number 22 on the inside of my refrigerator, a warning against apolgolitic cravings of ice cream no doubt.

And even though we want to think it’s a good sign, these numbers, historically speaking, have usually meant bad things to many people. (See Nobody Knows)

But that’s not the point. It seems that logically, numbers mean whatever meaning that the individual places on them, and in this instance Ahmadinejad believes that on August 22, was the night when Muhammad flew to “the farthest mosque,” which was Jerusalem, and then flew up to heaven, and then back again.

Of course, he faked this whole thing, but you cannot tell the believers that.

The best we can hope for is that when doomsday comes, Muhammad will be so busy fooling around with his virgins that he won’t see Jesus coming down from the sky to get him.

Nobody’s Perfect; Okay… I doubt very seriously if this guy is going to nuke everyone, and the end of the world will then happen. Nevertheless, the fact that he believes in this Islamic insanity is reason enough to maybe look for some good signs…

Nobody’s Knows; Here’s a little list of historical events on the 22 and 11th just for fun and remember, some of us need a life.

9/11/2001 World Trade Center destroyed.
12/22/2001 Shoe bomber tries to destroy plane
1/22/1973 Roe VS Wade decision
11/22/1963 Kennedy shot in Dallas
12/11/1941 U.S. declares war on Italy and Germany
8/22/1998 Drudge report on Monica Lewinsky
4/22/2000 Janet Reno takes Elian
7/22/1979 Saddam accuses council members of crimes
6/22/1941 Operation Barbarossa, Germans invade Russia
9/22/1861 The town of Osceola, Mo was sacked by Jayhawkers.
2/221862 Quantrill’s raid of Independence, Mo
4/22/1940 Germans bomb Norwegian towns in air blitz
Well, you could find many more…but on the other hand,

On the 22nd day in December the Berlin wall fell, and on the 11th of November (1918) an armistice was signed with Germany to end WWI.

Nobody Cares; Hey, I’m not superstitious, just observing. Anybody got more to add?