Nobody's Absurdities, No 9

Nobody’s Opinion; It was a Salvador Dali day. Remember Salvador Dali?---the artist with the big mustache who became famous drawing melting watches? Have you ever had a day when your feet are touching the ground, but you’re not sure if you are actually on the right planet, or even, when you look down, if those feet below belong to you?

And your sober?

The news today was beyond absurd. Surrealistic doesn’t even come close to describe the fact that I felt I was walking around in a daze watching the world melt.

Then again, could have been the bad coffee.

Anyway, here is some surrealistic Salvador Dali absurdness that anybody can think about because if you were paying attention, the watches were melting in your time zone too.

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I woke up to some news that’s just seems to be coming out.

You know how we’ve been hearing for the last year how stem-cell research simply must go on, and to stop it would border on criminal intent, due to the fact that it’s going to cure diabetes, alzheimers, cancer, tuberculosis, leukemia, heart disease, and maybe even bad hair days?

The Democrats have not missed a moment condemning President Bush on his fight against this madness. Why, he has been trying to keep the human race in the dark ages!

What they seem to have kept a well guarded secret is that woman all over the world are getting stem-cell injection treatments as we speak, for that ever illusionary rainbow of promise, the Fountain of Youth.

Yes, you can go to Russia and many other places if you have the cash, and join with Ponce De Leon in the never ending pursuit of living forever! Well, maybe not, but it is said that you can look at least ten years younger! One injection will last a year.

Which explains Cher.

You’d better have a lot of money.

Millions of woman all over the globe will be throwing away all those morning after pills, knowing that if they happen to get pregnant and abort before 12 weeks, a girl can make enough money to go to her local spa, and maybe not get younger, but certainly could afford Botox and some Angelina lips.

I wonder who has stock in this company?

After learning about this, I didn’t even want to see a clock.

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Then the news about how BP, the real reason the British are always on America’s side in any middle Eastern war, is shutting down the Alaska pipeline to clean it up.

What a propitious time to hit us with this. This decision has come right after all those hokey commercials on TV stating that the gas and oil companies care about the environment so much, they are going to develop new technologies to get us off of it.

A little manatinience of the old pipeline, while commercials are hitting us on the hour, along with the fact that Americans will be tying to decide what meal to cut out of their week, and it won’t be long before we will be demanding this new technology.

In the meantime, the huge oil reserves in Colorado remain on hold.

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After the picture of Madonna was very cleverly put out on all cable networks to cause a stir among all the Christians, today we learn that this publicity stunt produced its intended purpose. Her concert is sold out here in the United States.

Suckers.

Today we learn the news that Madonna is hanging on a cross for the good purpose of “help save the children” dying of aids in Africa. Jesus would lover her for this she says.

Madonna has always made money off of shock. But this stuff with ageing entertainers becoming saviors is really getting old, especially when they use this scam just to fill their own pockets.

Frankly, I think we should save the adults on the planet first.

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And speaking of entertainers making money, Bono, the Noble Peace Prize Winner wanna-be has suggested that United States and the UK fork out even more money to the third would nations.

Bono, its seems has not been paying taxes all these years in Ireland, and so he has moved his whole business to Holland. He also has bought into the Forbes empire.

I have my suspicions that Bono is actually an illegitimate son of Salvador Dalis. He should fess up.

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India came out today and claimed that Pepsi and Coke contain huge amounts of pesticides.
If this is true, then that explains why Gorbachev a few years ago, was very concerned about American ground water being oversaturated with pesticides, which was contaminating our water supply.

I thought it was really strange of him at the time. How nice of him to be concerned.

This would also explain why the West Nile Virus didn’t really wipe us out as intended, our guts were right there loaded with a perfect immunity.

And here’s a question on trade Secrets; Why is it, that any other intellectual property gets shafted? How come any other invention, gets a mandatory sentence of only so many years before the monopoly is up, but Coke and Pepsi can keep their monopolistic trade secret until they run out of pesticides?

The answer is out there…somebody else besides me can look it up.

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Well, to be fair, it’s a full moon, and the thought is comforting that somewhere in the Middle East a lonely soldier is looking up and thinking about his family. Hopefully he had a day that made more sense. (But, not likely)

And now that the White House in Washington D.C. has closed down due to renovations and rats, a New Western White House has been set up in Texas. I bet the news corps just loves being in Texas.

Condi is standing next to the President on the briefings just in case he falls over, according to the tabloids.

The Israeli’s are being ostracized in all our liberal media stations for fighting war the politically incorrect way.

The parliamentary leader of Lebanon today cried pretty obvious fake tears in front of the Arab nation, and thinks that a United Nations force should come in and clean out Hezbollah, and then set up the Lebanese army, thereby insuring that nobody has to leave.

I’ve had enough. And I’ve decided at the end of the day that I’ve figured out what Salvador Dali was trying to say with all those melted watches dripping all over the landscape in his paintings.

He was saying, “Watch out, you will be having days like this.”


Nobody’s Perfect; Brittany Spears has pulled a Paris Hilton publicity stunt by putting some old movies of her drunk and ranting self on the internet. We get to hear how she believes in a time machine.
Someday Brittany will come back in time, and NOT get married in Las Vegas, NOT put the child in a car seat, and maybe even get to the bar where Mel Gibson was getting drunk, and get into a long drunken conversation with him about time travel thereby preventing him from driving.

Give it a thought Brittany.

Nobody Knows; It was reported today that the wild fires in Spain are almost all deliberately set, most of them near houses, and some fires set apart in order to merge together. Gee. Why can’t we get decent reporting like that here?

Nobody Cares; North Korea is flooding the world with counterfeit American Dollars, in order to defeat our country. Actually, our own Republican Congress is way ahead of them in this maneuver and in that race, there is no contest, our boys win hands down.