National Geographic Is Out To Get You

Nobody’s Perfect: Last night on the National Geographic channel, they had a special on called “End Days.” It presented four scenarios of four very terrible events;

1. A tsunami that hits the East Coast of the United States and drowns everyone from Miami to New York.
2. A comet that hits Berlin, and fries the whole city.
3. A bird flu epidemic (although they don’t call it that) which wipes out London.
4. Iran setting off a nuke in Los Angeles.

Got cha! That last one was NOT in the scenarios, not even after our own President came out this afternoon and said, “All they have to do is hit us once.”

I guess National Geographic did not want to alarm us too badly. The last scenario on the doomsday list was a bunch of scientists experimenting with a particle accelerator, which could create these things called Strangelets…which are little gravity eaters that gobble up matter so much that they grow into humongous black holes and then the whole world and everything in it gets sucked into the vortexes.

All the planes will go in first, while the pilot is saying “Fasten your seat belt.”

Now, which would you prefer…black holes, or that one hit?

Don’t you just love all the cheer?

Should I get my hair fixed tomorrow?

Of course they do mention that the possibility that black holes sucking us up, has as much a chance as happening as someone winning the lottery three times in a row.

Okay, I want to know, who is experimenting with particle accelerators now?

How refreshing. What---does National Geographic work with Homeland Security now?

Actually, this nobody thinks National Geographic became an extension of our govnement quite some time ago. I can almost tell you the exact month, because I took it very personally. (January, 1995) I even wrote probably the nastiest letter that I’ve ever written; and that was to the new editor, William Allen, who I was convinced was out to ruin a National treasure.

After all, I considered myself to be an expert.

I was about seven when my grandfather brought my brother and me a subscription to National Geographic. Actually, he brought it for my brother, but my brother did not read until Playboy came out with the Patty McGuire centerfold. (He dated her in high school, so it was a real incentive.)

But I read it cover to cover and even the ads. In fact, I never missed a month, not one.

I remember watching every day for the next issue in the mail. Sometimes it was the highlight of my little nobody childhood. In my closets I have every issue from 1953-2001. (I have back issues, I’m not THAT old, yet…let’s just say I’m younger than Clinton.)

I even remember how they used to smell, the feel of the pages, and how the world came alive in all those beautiful photos. I absolutely fell in love with the whole earth. I knew my chances of ever seeing it were pretty slim, due to the fact that nobody in our family ever traveled outside of the United States, but I had my imagination and my treasures.

And then, it happened.

Slowly, after Bill Clinton became President, the pictures started getting little with bigger borders. There were dozens of pictures of dead fish, trash heaps, deserted pop bottles.

The children of Mexico were starving, and looking for food in polluted sewers.

And whose fault was this? Well, it didn’t matter, but WE (America) should fix it.

Wait, before I could learn about how the Norwegians liked cow bells, and the Russian people lived to be older than mountains because they drank vodka and ate potatoes. The Africans were very happy to run around naked. What happened?

My National Geographic had been hit with a tsunami of politically correctness. They retired old Mr. Gilbert M. Grosvenor and replaced him with William L. Allen.

I was furious. It was bad enough that we were hearing how America was destroying the planet, but for this wonderful magazine to be morphed into another huge conglomerate for global propaganda… adding movies, TV cable channels, and videos. It was too much.

Now, I’m not saying that expanding was not a good idea. Its just that the magazine now had the political agenda of the left, and I refused to go with it.

Somewhere around 2001, I couldn’t take it any longer. I cancelled my subscription. Like putting your favorite pet to sleep, it was one of the hardest decisions I ever had to make.

Now, after watching the special tonight, I find it hard to believe that a tsunami will wipe out the eastern seaboard of the United States, or that a huge comet will destroy Berlin, or that the bird flu is going to kill everyone on the planet within 36 hours.

But, Muslims have come in from our open borders and some of them are probably now planning to kill Americans.

And because of my long experience with the magazine, I was not surprised that National Geographic just happened to leave this very real scenario out of their “end days” scenario, because since 1995, the magazine seems to be owned by the global cartels that are out to save the planet from us, the nasty Americans.

Or maybe the idea was to get us all use to the end. But hey, it was entertaining, nothing like seeing the world destroyed in digital vortex color.

Nobody’s Perfect; Jackie Chan is going to make a video warning all the kids in China, to not play with dead birds. I guess even China needs movie stars to promote messages. .

Nobody Knows; Nothing is done to China in the National Geographic special. In fact, has there ever been a dooms day picture made where China is destroyed?

Yes, I actually bought an issue the other day off the newsstand…they were lucky.

Nobody Cares; Today it was reported that there are about 60-70 terror threats facing us daily, another doomsday scenario they forgot to include in “End Days.”

Maybe I should write another letter.