Thursday, January 18, 2007

Hillary Turbulence


Nobody’s Opinion: Last week everyone was talking about Obama-Osama maybe becoming the next President. Why, he’s so upbeat! He’s so articulate! He was the youngest Lawyer to go naked at a Yale sorority party! (No wait, I got that mixed up with President Bush and John Kerry at a Skull and Bones party.)

Why is Hillary over in Iraq? Why isn’t she here? Doesn’t she see is losing in the polls? The liberal reporters and Dick Morris were clearly upset.

Well, no more. Hillary gave an exclusive interview tonight with that miracle of plastic surgery; former liberal reporter from CNN turned into FOX reporter of kidnapped girls…Greta Van Suscrutan.

Since we are being sold our politicians, just like our shampoo, I tend to always look at the very well prepared background, and hair styles, and even the camera shots.

And very well prepared this was. It was done in the very ivory halls of the Senate, made to look as if Hillary was on her way to do some important Senatorial thing, and just happened to run into Greta in the halls. She runs the place don’t you know.

The giant Roman columns were all around her. (Very clever) When actually, we all know she probably spends about five minutes a week there. (if that)

The camera shots were always (except for a brief moment) showing only her neck and head, and the GOOD side of her face, that is, she must think it’s the good side. (Good idea since everyone knows Hillary is not the slim-jim equal of her comrade sister, Nancy.)

And both women had on black. Hillary had the obligatory Jackie Kennedy, string of big pearls around her neck---a true elite.

Her hair was perfectly coiffed and looked like it had at least 4 different highlights. There were a lot of back shots. (Good idea, we don’t need to see that face)

Okay…America, get ready.

Hillary wanted us to know she was one tough cookie. She went over to Afghanistan, and then got some military jet to go to Bagdad…she was told not to land in Bagdad.

Those air controllers are brave men, and obviously doing their duty to mankind.

But instead of taking the big hint, she bravely sits out the ninety minute circling of the plane, and described in great detail how she had to bear the plane zig-zaging on its landing.

This had NEVER happened on Air Force One…how dare they! This is a showdown!

She went on and on about the ride…it was rough! (Oh sure)

Whew! That was a close one! But, she said, she had full confidence in her military pilot.
Never once did she lose faith that they would land her. That a girl Hillary!

(This is to make us all feel good that she actually likes the military, unlike her husband, who hated it, and how brave she was to actually land.)

She told the pilots, if they would land her she would get them some beer! (Attempts to bond with the soldiers, and make us all feel she can be a real man!)

THEN…our brave and fearless senator, actually got into something (she never told us what) and drove down…the “highway of death.” The highway where so many soldiers have been maimed and killed.

George Washington would be proud. (What she doesn’t say is she was probably escorted by 200 tanks, and a nuclear warhead.)

She was upset because she was to meet with all the Iraq leaders and SHE WAS LATE! Gee, it never bothered her that her husband was always late to every single meeting he has ever attended in his life.

She proceeded to explain her absence because of course, she will be taking over the country soon and she wanted to see for herself what was happening. (She didn’t say ALL of this, but it was what she was thinking.)

Then she started attacking President Bush.

This was well timed; she had to tell you a wonderful story first, to get you into her charm.

Why, his policy won’t succeed, and he doesn’t even care! He refuses to talk to Iran! Why, one should always keep one’s enemies closer! (Gee Hillary, maybe you should divorce Bill and move in with Ahmadinejad! Good idea…be a patriot.)

(The Godfather movies were a big part of their Presidency.)

Those people that went over to review the Iraq situation were all bi-partisan and gave good advice! (Right, half were former Bill Clinton comrade puppets; Jordan was an especially nice touch. A board member of Revlon is needed to make sure that the gays have enough mascara.)

You never know what the gay Iraqi’s are thinking.

There is not military solution to this problem! You need political, environmental, financial, legal, interrelational, and maybe even a visit from a few of Bill’s prostitutes, to stop the violence. NO GUNS!

And then the final crescendo---“I’m an American FIRST!” (To remind us that she and her husband are not the globalist everyone thinks.) And then she proceeded to say we needed more troops in Afghanistan…completely contradicting her statement that the military is no solution.

Okay, so far, she was typically the manipulating, blow-hard, want to be ruler of the new communist country of the United States Hillary that we all are used to.

But THEN she said. “We FINALLY got rid of Rumsfeld.” Basically telling the whole world that she (and Bill and the democrats that they rule) got him kicked out.

Making the BIG mistake of thinking that it was going to score her big points with Americans.

And that is why, I, Hillary Clinton, will know how to fix this war.

After that comment about Rumfeld, I was hoping she would trip on her necklace going down her big senatorial stairs.

As for running for President, even thought she JUST DID…she promised Greta that when she announces it, she will come on Greta’s show.

Right, she will go on Oprah.

Hillary is cockier than I’ve ever seen her. And now this nobody wants to know, just when will the brave and hardy boys in the media bring up the subject that she shouldn’t even be allowed to run, because HER HUSBAND WAS PRESIDENT FOR EIGHT YEARS!

Somebody help me! There should be a constitutional amendment.

It’s the only thing that will stop her. Actually, I really feel now, she is so gone with ambition, that if she finds out she might NOT be President….

Don’t be surprised if we all wake up one day, and the White House is …gone.

Nobody’s Perfect; Hillary has practiced hard to get rid of her annoying voice. Now she has to practice getting rid of that stupid habit she has of waving her head all around. I felt like I was watching a white Stevie Wonder in drag.

Nobody Knows; If the Clinton machine can be stopped, I think they realize they have to stop the bloggers, because if they don’t, we are going to be a BIG problem to Hillary.

Nobody Cares;
One shot did tickle me. They showed a shot of Hillary sitting next to all these big shots in the Iraq government, and she looked so small and puny, and her hair was all flat. She did not look at all Presidential, she looked…weak.

It was a good moment.

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