Tuesday, January 23, 2007

Nobody's Absurdities, No. 34: State Of The Intrinsically Perverted Union


Nobody’s Opinion:

Today, January the 22, was according to experts who get paid millions to research such important matters, the most depressing day of the year. So in order to not rock the boat, I decided to go along with the herd and searched the web to find evidence of this day full of Prozac promise, and found, not to anybody’s amazement, the resonance of whatever killed the Romans, come full circle…

Which is to say--- many say the Romans were so busy having sexual orgies, that they had no energy left to defend their country, therefore, because our culture is so “decadent” in at least many Muslims eyes, Western civilization will be destroyed by….

Brittany Spears?

Here are a few of the warnings of perverted human behavior from today…and if they don’t depress you, then you are just too happy because you just got home from an orgy, where five girls ravished your body. (At least you THINK that’s what happened because you were too drunk to remember.)

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The big news, that is so disturbing thousands of hard men are working diligently into the night to correct it, is the subject of “coming” to your home theatre soon….HD-DVD/ Blue-nay porn.

Wow, try THAT on your new 70” plasma TV! What could be wrong with that?!

The problem is that the new crisp and revealing picture is showing so many things that were once easy to cover-up.

Huge blobs of cellulite on thighs, razor burns, pimples, winkles around the eyes, warts, nose hairs, varicose veins, cesarean scars, stretch marks, and leftovers from yesterday’s co-star, are seen blown-up ten times bigger than your head.

What’s a porn star to do?

Even the silicone lines are showing up, and many girls are rushing to have MORE plastic surgery. This is a serious problem.

But have no fear…one girl said she just puts on more suntan makeup.

I want to know, how is she going to keep it on? Mix it with concrete?

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And speaking of perverts, Devlen, the guy who decided he wanted two little boys in Missouri to keep as his “pets” so he just kidnapped them, was wondering just how he was going to tell his parents about what he had done.

Can you imagine this? He had no remorse about the poor boys parents, or the poor kids he screwed up for life…just how he was going to explain things to his mom and dad.

The bad news is, that he has decided to start talking to reporters, so that he can give every slimy detail of what he did, and the poor kids will have to suffer everyone in the world knowing how they were sadistically abuse, AGAIN, in horrible detail.

Somehow, I think this niceness that we’ve seen from the parents will begin to disappear, don’t you?

And because it will sell papers, no one will stop it.

Not depressed yet? Well, just wait…there’s more.
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Broadway has a new hit! Yes! It’s about teenagers and the “feelings” they are having going through puberty. And it’s all about…sex.

But they gave it a Hillary Clinton title: “Spring Awakening”

How stupid.

Some guy masturbates in the middle of the stage, and sings about how wonderful it is while girls are dancing around him! Yes, sexuality is talked about…homosexuality, bestiality, just all the wonderful things you can do to make yourself feel good.

I bet Bill Clinton was there on opening night.

I was about to be shocked by this and disgusted, when I remembered that this was done once before, on at one time the longest running musical on Broadway, “Hair”

Because only on a Broadway musical could you see a whole flock of people stand naked on stage every night. (I bet Bill Clinton was there every weekend.)

Yes, Hair launched the whole hippie, leftist, commie, let’s all have sex because it’s so natural, screw religion, generation of baby boomers who grew up to rule our nation.

It also made having sex without having to take care of the consequences oh so fashionable.

For instance, one of the actors lines: “I wish my mom and dad would make a speech to their teenagers and say “kids, be free, be whatever you are, do whatever you want to do, jus so long as you don’t hurt anybody.”

Pretty much the liberal’s motto of today.

I remember one song in particular
Sodomy, Fallatio, cunnilingus, pederasty (men and boys)
Father, why do these words sound so nasty?
Masturbation can be fun! Join the holy orgy Kama Sutra, Everyone!

Why, EVERYONE was singing it!

Bill Clinton sings this in special occasions

I think the adult baby boomers missed “Hair” they just had someone write another one so they could go and get titillated again. Is it any wonder New Yorkers elected Hillary again even knowing she could have cared less about New York?

They want the oral sex King BACK in the White House!

Spring Awakening will be the biggest hit at the Sundance film festival next year. I’m getting depressed just thinking about it.

Not depressed yet? Well, there’s more.

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A pig farmer in Canada, has admitted to killing 49 prostitutes and drug addicts, and then was upset because, as he put it, “I was going to do one more and make it an even 50, but I made my own grave by being sloppy.”

What did he do? Forget to put a couple of heads in the sausage maker?

I think they should put him on the American television hit Monk as a guest. Let him “kill” that final prostitute, (of course, she would not really die.) And then let Monk figure out the crime, and at the end of the show, kill him…for real.

They could put real bullets in the gun. Then, he wouldn’t have to face his parents. Everyone would be happy.

But because there is no death penalty in Canada, the people who ate Robert William Pickton’s products from his pigs which were made with the remains of all the bodies of these girls, will have to write him letters in prison, before they come down with mad cow disease.

Also, the parents of these girls will forever have a vision of a man who had a sex toy attached to the end of his gun.

Now, that was depressing.

And just to show you that I am concerned for your metal health, I will not mention that the illegal immigrant who molested a four year old actually WANTS to be sent back to his country, so he won’t have to go to prison here.

And then, after a week, he will come back and do it again.

Yes, welcome back to the nation of perverted justice, where Presidents who make adultery and fallacio “cool” and catholic Priests who molest little boys never have to go to jail, and women teachers who molest little boys get off with community service, and Paris Hilton and Brittany Spears are America’s daughter’s role models.

Wake me up when today over, will ya?

Nobody’s Perfect: This is what really depressed me today. Hillary has a new sound bite to make us all forget her past: She told Brian Williams someone she knew said this to describe her once:

“I’m the most famous person you don’t really know who I really am.”

You mean it gets worse?

Nobody Knows; Abortion is the second most performed surgery in America.

Nobody Cares; The average duration of a marriage before a divorce use to be seven years. It will now be reduced to one month due to HD TV, which will save many men child support checks.

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